Memories + The Recap

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Memories, I believe, is neither good nor bad. It depends on how these still in time is interpreted in our mind or how it affects us in certain situations.

Memories can sometimes lighten our day. Those sweet moments you spent together with your loved ones or even just a normal day would just take you back to those happy times and make you feel so much better.

On the other hand, memories sometimes can hold you back from moving on. When a person leaves, he's not completely gone because you still have memories of him. And unless you'll acquire a selective amnesia, that person will still live in your mind.

So, memories it's just a matter of having more with different people so you'll have a lot more to look back on and not just on one.

*******

On my way back to the greater manila area, I looked back on the closing month and decided to start a regular month-ender series. They say that it's important to evaluate the day that passed so that it wouldn't be wasted. But since, I can't do it daily, I'll just do my evaluation monthly.

This month has challenged my psyche and spirit in ways I didn't expect. It started with a death in the family which is never good. It forced me to be strong not just for me but for my mother. That event really shook us all. 

Also, this month I felt once again how strong feelings for a person could brighten up my day. I felt like I was in the courting stage of a relationship. Though nothing happened (eponine-level lang, he was never mine to keep), I was still glad for the sweet somethings.

And for most of the days, I've been trying to look for my own corner in the sky. Aside from school, I've been trying out other groups where I hope to find myself. First, I am trying to be an active member in a religious organization. I have already applied for a volunteer post in the nearest hospital. And most recently, I've auditioned in a chorale. Thinking about how hectic my schedule would be, I remembered how many my extra-curricular activities were in highschool. I was in the school choir, school newspaper, and yearbook staff. I was also an officer in the CAT and a member of a church organization. Not to mention maintaining my  spot as one of the top in class.

Anyway, the start of the year woke me up in the realities of life. Last year, I felt that I wasn't in a hurry to fulfill my dreams. I was still enjoying my time. But due to recent events, I guess it's time to learn to prioritize and decide on where to leave my mark in this world.
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Naalala ko lang

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Naalala ko lang
Noong tumatawid tayo ng kalsada.
Kumakanta ako habang naglalakad
Ayaw mo pala ng ganoon.
Nainis ka.
Natatawa lang ako kasi nakakatuwa ka.

Naalala ko lang
Noong nanonood ako ng Showtime
Ang lakas ng tawa ko
Dinig mo pala sa banyo
Natawa ka lang sa akin.
Mababaw naman talaga kaligayahan ko

Naalala ko lang
Noong nakasakay tayo ng bus
Magkahawak tayo ng kamay
Dama ko ang malambot mong palad
Nasiyahan naman ako
May lambing ka pala kahit papaano

Naalala ko lang
Noong magkatabi tayo sa kama
Magyakap lang tayo pagkagising
Gusto ko lang noon ng kayakap
Gusto mo rin pala
Pakipot ka pa, arteh mo.

Naalala ko lang
Yung pabangong naiwan sa leeg mo
Inaarbor ko yun, ayaw mo naman
Sarap lang amoy-amuyin.
Naalala ko lang.


Ang sarap lang balikan yung mga pangyayaring nakapagpaligaya sa atin, mga bagay na nakapagbigay ng ngiti sa atin, at mga taong nagpasaya sa atin habang tayo ay kanilang kapiling. Magpapasalamat ka na lang na nakagawa kayo ng magagandang alaala together :)
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Nakikiramdam

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Mahilig akong makiramdam. Siguro dala na rin ng pagiging dominantly observer personality ko kaya ganoon. Mahilig ako makiramdam sa paligid at sa mga tao. Pinagmamasdan ang bawat kilos, bawat kumpas ng kampay, ngiti at tingin. Minsa'y napapangiti rin ako sa aking mga nakikita. Marami ka kasing matutuklasan sa isang tao kahit sa pakikiramdam lamang.

Minsa'y mali ang mga inferences ko ngunit mas madalas namang tama. Empathy nga raw ang strongest trait ko. I'm best in understanding how others feel daw to the point of feeling what they are feeling. Saktong sakto nga sa propesyon ko sa larangan ng medisina.

Pakiramdam. Feel. Touch. Ano nga ba meron dito. Aaminin kong mahilig ako sa skin contact. Akap. Akbay. Hold hands. Shake hands. Bro hug. Ganyan. Iba kasi 'yung pakiramdam. Parang ang intimate kasi. Sabi nga nila touch or the sensation of someone touching you releases Serotonin in your circulation. The neurotransmitter Serotonin is responsible in alleviating depression and subdues hunger. O diba, happy ka na, sexy ka pa.

Okay, mabalik tayo sa touching. Yeah. Touching. Tingin ko naman lahat tayo, uhm, ibig kong sabihin, wala naman siguro sa atin ang ayaw ng skin contact. Maliban na lang siguro kung OC ka or hypochondriac ka. Para sa mga normal na tao, gusto pa rin natin ng intimacy. And I think, the most basic form or gesture of intimacy is holding someone's hand or a hug. Kahit iyon lang solb na ako.

Pero siyempre after you held his hand, caressed his arms, and cradled in his shoulder, iisipin mo baka pede pang i-push. hindi ba? tama, makikiramdam. Just as you are enjoying his skin pressing against yours, you're already trying to feel if you are both ready to move a little further.

Siguro let's not mention anything about teasing or flirting. Kasi I think touching can be enjoyed by itself eh. Just the sensation. Just the feeling.

There. Tapos I admitted to be touchy nga or likes the sensation. Pero siyempre depende pa rin yan sa hahawakan. Di ba nga I related touching to intimacy. Would anyone be intimate with just about anyone? Di naman di ba. Papakiramdaman mo yung ugali at yung attraction ninyo. Then you'll go from there.

It's easy to spot if someone doesn't want to be touched or can't reciprocate or just plain indifferent. Madali lang naman yun. At pag naramdaman ko naman yun, madali naman ako kausap and I back off. Simple. Why bother continue if you're touch would not be appreciated. Might as well touch yourself na lang. haha.

So hayun. Just a thought on the joys touch and the things it can lead to. hehe.

Good day.


Photo from here
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Bagong Taon

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Sabi ko sa sarili ko dati, ngayong taon ay magbabago ang buhay ko. Hindi ko inakala na ganito pala ang mangyayari. Malaking pagbabago nga sa buhay ko ang hinihingi ng pagkakataong ito.

Ngayon palang ay dama ko na. Dahil sa nangyari, marahil ay lumipat muna ko sa Laguna para masamahan si mama habang siya ay nagdadalamhati. Marahil dito na rin ako maghanap ng trabaho para sa katuparan naman ng pangarap ko. Lilipat ako para rin masamahan ang pamangkin ko habang naghahanap pa ng kapalit na yaya ang aking kapatid.

Di pa kami nakakapag-usap ng masinsinan ni Mama kung paano ang balak niya. Naiwanan ang sasakyang walang magmamaneho. Malaki ang posibilidad na ako ang aatasan maging tigahatid at sundo ni Mama sa opisina. Ngunit kailangan ko pa matutunan magmaneho lagpas ng second gear.

Umpisa palang ng taon ay malaking dagok na sa buhay ng mga kapamilya ko ang nangyari. Hindi ko pa tuloy alam kung paano ko pagagalawin ang buhay ko ngayon gawa ng di kanaisnais na pangyayari.

Ipinagdadasal ko na lang na sana'y patuloy pa rin kami pagpalain at gabayan.
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Mahirap din pala

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Akala ko kaya ko. Na madali lang harapin ang pangyayaring iyon na matatag at buo ang loob. Ngunit hindi rin pala ganoon kadali iyon. Hindi ko rin nagawang tatagan ang sarili ko. Akala ko kaya kong maging malakas para sa nanay ko, pero mahirap din pala lalo na kapag nakikita ko siyang umiiyak. 

Di rin biro ang pinagdadaanan niya. Nawalan siya ng kasama sa buhay at kasama sa karera. Kaya malaking dagok ito sa kanyang buhay.

Di ko ngayon alam kung ano ang dapat gawin. Ano nga ba ang masasabi mo sa isang taong nawalan ng kasama sa buhay? Ano nga ba ang masasabi mo sa isang taong nagdadalamhati? Ano nga ba?

Napakahirap din pala.
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Bagong Aral sa Bagong Taon

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Happy New Year Friends!


Kamusta naman ang pagsalubong sa bagong taon?
I'm sure it's just pure joy. Nag-feeling bata na naman kasi ako sa  sayaw ng ilaw sa kalangitan.


Anyway, I was just bored out of my mind today from all the encoding I've been doing and I wanted to just take a break. Just when I was trying to think of a place to go to and people to contact, my friend called and invited me out to drink. We went to Tides Pasig. Maganda rin pala mag-hang-out dun kasi parang  Central yung atmosphere pero di kasing crowded.

We had the usual conversation about life and love. After a bucket each of beer we began to talk of philosophies... Here's some of what I've picked up from him:

"Ang teknik ng mga bakla, pag gusto nila yung lalaki, mag-sasama siya na babae na gusto rin nung. Pag may nangyari na, makakatanggi pa ba yung lalaki. win-win na yun. Nakuha nung lalaki yung gusto niya, nakuha rin nung bakla yung gusto niya." - naku di na kelangan ng babae, alak lang at konting libog, pwede na magkama ng straight.

"Sa date, anthropologically, yung lalaki ang nakaharap sa tao kasi siya yung magpro-protect sa babae pag may danger."  - psychologically kasi lalaki ang nakatalikod sa crowd para yung girl lang ang focus niya, pero may point yung security issue.

"Sa sugal, sasama ka lagi dapat dun sa alam mong mananalo. Di ka naman sasama sa mga talunan." - malamang alangan naman dumikit pa ko sa loser.

"Look but don't touch, touch but don't taste, taste but don't swallow." - devil's advocate daw, pero magandang pagnilayan to ah... Spit is the best option. :D

"Di ka humina sa pag-inom. Lumakas lang sila sa pag-inom." - sabagay, magandang perspective yan, I like... 

"Christianity flourished kasi si Jesus nag-suffer di ba? Everybody can relate to suffering. Si Krishna naman sa lahat ng image niya, nakangiti siya. Pero ang symbol ni Krishna kasi ay Lotus. Ang lotus nabubuhay lang sa maruming tubig." - ang ganda ng symbolism ng lotus. Ganda sana ipa-tattoo kaso beks na beks ang dating.
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