Closet Clutters

It was in an event of some sort. The venue was packed. People were chatting, drinking, dancing in every corner. Around the venue were booths, probably of the event's sponsors. I went around the place, trying to see who was there. Surprisingly, I was with a date. I have met him weeks before, but the interest slowly faded. As I walk around the dance floor, moving from booth to booth, I noticed a familiar signage. It was the logo of the company where the ex works. Manning the booth was none other than HiM, my ex. Throughout the event, I tried my best to avoid seeing him, or even talking to him. But the more I try to avoid him, the more that we tend to gravitate towards each other. Then finally, as I was talking to some random dude, like in a classic cliche rom com fashion, we were back to back having our own separate conversations, when we bumped into each other. "Oh. Hi!" I said, as if I was surprised. "Hey!" "You wanna grab something to drink f...

"Nahiya ako sa'yo kasi hinawakan ko kamay mo.." Ang tahimik lang niya nang nakilala ko siya noon. Sa ingay at gulo ng paligid, kasama na ang walang humpay na kwentuhan ng barkada, ay sa kanya lang ako napapatitig lagi. Unang pagkakataon ko lang siya nakita noon. Sinama siya ng isang kaibigan sa lakad para ipakilala. Wala namang kakaibang nangyari noong kami ay kumain ng hapunan hanggang sa konting pulutan. Nagkataon naman na kami ay magkatabi habang tuloy ang tawanan at kwentuhan sa may hapag-kainan, kasabay ng saliw ng musika galing sa isang kumakanta sa videoke. Tinibayan ko ang aking sarili. Naging matapang at mapangahas ako nang idinikit ko ang tuhod ko sa hita niya. Naghihintay ako ng pag-iwas ng kanyang hita ngunit di iyon nangyari. Bagkos kumuyakoy pa siya at pakiramdam ko'y may konting pagdiin mula sa hita niya. Itinuloy ko ang aking kapangahasan, habang nakipag-usap at nagke-kwento ay bahagya o sandali ko naman pinapatong ang kamay ko sa hita...

Akala ko kaya ko. Na madali lang harapin ang pangyayaring iyon na matatag at buo ang loob. Ngunit hindi rin pala ganoon kadali iyon. Hindi ko rin nagawang tatagan ang sarili ko. Akala ko kaya kong maging malakas para sa nanay ko, pero mahirap din pala lalo na kapag nakikita ko siyang umiiyak.  Di rin biro ang pinagdadaanan niya. Nawalan siya ng kasama sa buhay at kasama sa karera. Kaya malaking dagok ito sa kanyang buhay. Di ko ngayon alam kung ano ang dapat gawin. Ano nga ba ang masasabi mo sa isang taong nawalan ng kasama sa buhay? Ano nga ba ang masasabi mo sa isang taong nagdadalamhati? Ano nga ba? Napakahirap din pala.

It was a missed call. I didn't know the number but it looked familiar. I wasn't sure who the number belongs to so I sent a message. ~Sori I missed your call. Who's this? My phone rang. It was the unknown number. I answered. ~Hello. Sino to? >Sino to? Bakit ka nagtetext sa akin?! ~Huh? Sorry, di nakaregister number mo sa phone ko. Anong message? >Nagse-send ka ng text sa akin e. Sensing the conversation was senseless, I hung up. The voice wasn't familiar. It was deep. I don't think it's someone I know. But his mobile number rings a bell. Maybe it was him, I thought -the number I deleted from my contacts list months ago. Feeling guilty for hanging up and somewhat wishing it was him, I sent a message. ~Sori dude binabaan kita. baka hindi ako yung nagtext. check mo na lang yung number. My phone rang again. This time another unknown number. ~Hello! sino to? >Sino ka? bakit ka nagtetext sa kapatid ko? ~Ano bang text yun? >Baka nagkam...

Saw him earlier today. I waited outside his workplace. This time, I wasn't giddy nor excited to see him. It was just okay. I met him at the side of the street with just a simple hello. This time, there were no quarrels nor affectionate words exchanged. I handed him his card, something that was still with me even after it was over. Now that everything has been returned, this time is the last. "Bye, mag-i-in na ako."