Closet Clutters

That moment he said he wanted to tell me something, I already knew what it was. I guess it's that feeling that you know what the other one feels. It's like your hearts are in synced and you're just waiting for the other one to confirm your suspicion. Nasabi ko na ba sa'yo na... Na ano? Na mahal kita?... Lost for words, all I could do was reply with a tight hug and a hundred kisses. Our hearts were one in feeling the same thing. We were in love. I love you too, I finally replied. A hundred kisses and tight hugs followed. They say, often you have to choose between someone you love or someone who loves you. That's why I feel lucky to have that guy who loves me the same way that I love him.

Those nights I spent with you It was really special Those nights I laid beside you It seemed right Those mornings I woke up in your arms It's how I imagined it Those mornings I greeted you with a kiss or two It's just bliss That moment We held hands in silence Time seemed to stop Those nights Those mornings Those moments All kept in my heart. :')

Delete all messages? -Yes. Delete locked messages? *what locked messages?* I just read your blogspot about me. Or was it? I treat you as a close friend. I also thought that we could be what others cal as "partners." I thought I couldn't stand in the way of your dreams. Yun lang. I hope we can remain good friends. I wish you success and continued happiness Mamon! that day he knew what I felt about him... Mamon! baka wala ka ng load kaya di ka makareply... hihi.. just before this night ends for me (im abt to sleep), tandaan mo, lagi kang may friend at ako yun! I appreciate your effort to dropby and tell me your story. Hindi man ako ang magiging perfect friend mo, ang mahalaga dun, may perfect ears ako for you anytime na kelangan mo at available ako.. hehehe.. basta i-count mo na ako sa mga taong "like" ka naman.. hihihi.. have a great night my friend.. brush off the negative vibes and don't linger on what happened.. may kasunod yan na ...

And so I'm back... from outer space.. :)) Yes, I'm back in the PH and back to blogging. Medyo na-miss ko din magsulat ng slight. For the past few days kasi after landing, sobrang naging hectic ang sked ko. Ang daming kailangang tapusin at ayusin. I had to apply for clearance para makuha ko na yung TOR ko at diploma. I had to enroll again para maging bonifide student at i-avail ang student rate ng isang conference. I had to sked a visa interview na sobrang slim ng chance pero buti na lang at may nag-open na sked; at na-approve pala visa ko. And lastly, I had to meet friends na na-miss ko ng ilang buwan na. So hayun, medyo packed ang unang linggo ko pagkabalik sa pinas. Pero masaya naman. Ang pinaka-memorable sa linggo ko ay yung naging masahe sa akin noong nakaraang sabado. Tagal rin hinanap ng katawan ko yung hagod at diin ng ibang kamay sa katawan ko. Wala namang ES, pero may konting tease na naganap. sige na nga, maraming tease. Yung masahista kasi e, masyado siya. ...

Matanda na tayo para gawin pang komplikado ang mga bagay-bagay. Natuwa naman ako sa papanaw ng kausap ko. Tama nga naman. Bakit nga ba kailangan pang gawing kumplikado ang buhay. Pwede naman i-brush-off yung mga bagay na di umayon sa plano mo. Kebs na lang 'di ba. Take things as it is. We dated before, had an awesome time together. Kaso hindi naging kami. Sabihin na lang nating hindi tugma yung oras at panahon. Pero nakakapag-usap pa rin kami ng maayos ngayon. Naglolokohan at nagbibiruan. Napag-uusapan namin ang nangyari noon nang walang halong kapaitan. Nakakatuwa lang. Inisip ko tuloy yung mga nangyari sa akin noon, sa mga bago kong nakilala. Siguro kung ganyan din ang pananaw ko noon marahil nakakausap ko pa rin sila hanggang ngayon. Kung sana'y hindi ko inuna ang aking emosyon, marahil ay buong puso ko pa rin silang maituturing na kaibigan. Ngunit nanaig ang damdamin. woah. Bridges were burned. Relationships lost. Kung noon sana ay naging simple lang ang tin...

Noong isang araw habang palakad-lakad ako mag-isa sa mall, napag-isip-isip ko: "paano ba style ko noon 'pag gusto kong magtanggal ng init?" Ngayon kasi parang kailangan o mas maganda yung may magtatanggal noon para sa'yo 'di ba. Paano ba ako noon? Noon, masaya na ko magjakol mag-isa. 'Yung parang may sariling buhay yung etits mo at titigas na lang siya nang kusa kaya no-choice ka kung hindi magbate. Tapos naka-tengga ka lang sa bahay, sa kwarto mo, kaya sa tuwing titigas si Junjun, parang pilit ka pang magjakol para lumambot siya. You'll be like, " You're hard again! Jeez!" Noon solb na ko sa literotika, sa mga kwentong malilibog. Kahit walang picture, basta hindi jejemon yung pagkakasulat tsaka maayos yung sentence construction, pwede na pagjakulan. Alala ko pa nga, isang beses, sa sobrang libog ko sa binabasa ko, nilabasan ako nang hindi ko hinahawakan etits ko. Pramis! Mabaog man ako. Doon ko lang napatunayan na pure libog and ima...

People come and go. There are some who stay and some just drift away. But what's sad and sometimes annoying are those who choose to leave.  Most of them leave out of jealousy or envy, anger, hurt, or pride. But what's worst are those who choose to leave despite us reaching out to them. What we can do is just let them go and hope good things for them. I have my fair share of leaving and being left behind. What makes me move forward and not look back are those who are willing to stay by side,  inspire me in everything I do, and are proud and grateful to have me in their lives. That makes me care less of the people who go and more of the people who depend on me.