Limp

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I'm feeling a little limp tonight - maybe it's the vagueness of my future or the dilemmas I am facing or the lack of financial stability I am experiencing - but all I can do is just speculate. I thought I have gone through this already, the quarter life crisis as they say - emotional lability, constant questioning of worth, and unexplainable emo-shit. I'm tired of this, tired to wake up each morning and feel unsure of everything.

Ugh. I just want to shake this off.

Anyway, speaking of shaking things, here's one topic I wanted to write about for so long. I first heard it from some friends [ang mag-react, guilty! hahaha] and it got me curious, though I have to say, I really don't need this. *ehem*

What is it? It's penis enlargement. Yes, my dear friends, you read it right. PENIS ENLARGEMENT. The natural kind. They call it Jelq.

They say Jelqing was derived from an Arabic word meaning 'milking', which is the main motion of this technique. You just have to imagine you're milking your own penis.

Here are some highlights of the technique.
  1. Warm up - like any other muscle you need to warm your sword up. A warm shower a would suffice.
  2. Lubricate - you need your penis to be slippery enough to avoid too much friction. You may use baby oil, vaseline, lotion or whatever lubricant you have.
  3. Erection level - It must only be between 50-75% or in other word, semi-erect. You don't want to jelq with a full hard-on.
  4. Ok grip - form an ok sign with your thumb and your pointing finger.
  5. Jelq - with your OK grip, start at the base of the penis and move up. Apply light pressure, just enough to push blood to your glans. Stop just before you reach the head. the jelq should last approximately 2-3 secs (well it depends how long is your wang. Ga-kabayo na yun pag umabot pa ng 10seconds yan ah). Repeat jelq process with the other hand.


Honestly, I haven't tried this technique. I'm not really sure if it works. There are videos that says it does, but I'm not really convinced. If you're going to try this can you do me a favor, for scientific purposes only, can you measure your penis' length and girth, try jelqing for one week, and measure it again after. Then send me a photo of your penis before and after with the measurements. hehe

After that topic, I'm not feeling limp anymore. *grabs roll of tissue paper*

JELQ reference:

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Beyond

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So it's been, what, [checks calendar] a week since...  Wait, it was just a week. Wow. Seemed like forever since I last wrote that ... post.

Anyway, I've been, well, caught in a recurring nightmare called procrastination. I have accepted early this month that I will not be able to wear that sash in graduation day. But a colleague convinced me to try hard and make it through the deadline of submission.

Thankfully, I was able to submit my output just in time, yesterday actually - 4 days before my defense. Now, that's what I'm preparing for. It's the final speed bump in my journey to earn another academic degree.

I have big dreams to be honest. I dream of working abroad and alleviating my family's financial burden. I want to see the world and experience it all. I want a fulfilling career, one that I can boast to everyone - not cure cancer, but something close to that, maybe help the limp walk or something to that effect. I want to invest in a real estate property or two, maybe three. I want to put up a business, with my closest girlfriends, the ultimate health and wellness hub. Most importantly, I hope the day would come wherein I can go inside a store, see something I like, and not worry about its price. I want a better life, not that I hate this one; but I think that for the all the things that I've been through ever since I was little, I think I deserve more.

It's not just about the big dreams. It's always the simple things that I love. I want to be able to take the whole family out for dinner and treat them, and show them how I truly appreciate all their love and support for me all throughout my life. I want to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my relatives in the states because it's been ages since I saw them. I want to make snow angels. I want to wear an ensemble of fur jacket, gloves, and boots.

Then after I have achieved them all or at least close to achieving them all, I could be ready to find that one special person who'll say this to me...



haha. sahree singit ko talaga yun :)

Happy week sa inyo!
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Words

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Honestly, I didn't know he still had that effect on me. Many months have passed and alot has happened. I had my share of successes and failures that's why I never thought he still mattered to me, until that text message I received from him.

I must admit, I didn't expect he would contact me ever again after reading what I wrote about him. But he did. And I can't say I was happy he did.

For the months I erased him in my life, I already thought I have moved on. I didn't think of him anymore. And just recently, I was able to disconnect him from all my social media.

So that text he just sent me came in by surprise. And damn it, all that feelings resurfaced - feelings I didn't know I still kept. Anger. Regret. Pity. Hurt. Intense. Everything just came back.

For sometime, I was back in that emo shit I was months ago. I wanted to explode. I wanted to express myself. I wanted to write something hurtful. But I didn't, I controlled myself. I guess I'll just have to wait to see my go-to person to do that.

So here's what I'm going to say to you who surprisingly still read my blog:

Yes, by now, you'd probably know that that post was about you. Us being friends? Ahh.. I don't know. I don't see it happening anytime soon. But thanks anyways for wishing me well. I too sincerely wish you happiness. But I hope that's the last text I'll receive from you. And I hope our paths won't cross again. Let's just be happy in our own circles. alright? Ciao :)




Postscript:

As I read my post about him, I realized at some point in my life I was my most recent date. Just a realization. We sometimes let others feel what we ourselves wouldn't want to feel nor experience.
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Our story

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I wanted to write something for so long because these past few days to weeks were a rollercoaster (yes, that analogy again) of emotions.

But where should I begin?

I wanted to start at the ending, the very last text message he sent where I didn't have the will or drive to reply at. And from there, I could do a flashback of how happy and content I was seeing him, though not much often than he wanted to. Then I could finish with how we started, the first and the second time we went out.

But, this is a story I can't fully grasp. Conflicting emotions overcome me up to this very moment. Regret. Relief. Hurt. Sadness. Embarrassment. And I guess more.

I wanted to write a decent explanation, but I don't think it would have any bearing now. I could write an apology but he said he doesn't need it.

Am I really that numb? Maybe. I guess. Perhaps being hurt for so many times makes one that way.

So, about our story... I guess it ended before it even began.


*image from here
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Of Booze, Excitement, Dancing

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Sa gitna ng dumadagungdong na musika, napapaligiran ng mga nag-iinuman at nagsisiyahan, at habang pinapanood ang mga katabi at nasa entabladong kalalakihan na nagsasayawan, maraming bagay ang sumagi sa aking isipan.

This is so high school. Like Blue Onion days. Standing in a corner. Swaying from side to side. Occasionally, sipping beer. Trying to be more frugal. Looking at the crowd. Seeing mostly gorgeous people. Feeling insecure.  Smiling at the weirdness, sexiness, and horniness around. Very high school, indeed. The only difference is, this time, I could go home with a number or a guy. *sees a guy already staring.*

Sabay tugtog ng Wrecking ball... Applause... at kung ano-ano pang kantang na-remix upang umakma sa mood na sayawan at gilingan.

Just the other day, I was applauding in praise to the great Creator. Tonight, I'm applauding how those half-naked men are gyrating their hips. The other day, I was praising the beauty of His creation. Now, I'm praising how those ledge dancers' body is cut in God-like beauty.

This is what they're saying, serving two masters. I am serving two masters, ain't I? 

Sinilip ko ang cellphone ko. Walang reply.

I did it again, didn't I? I blew it big time. Someone was already pouring his heart out but I  still didn't let him inside mine. Was I still confused? Lack commitment? Or are we simply not meant to be? I don't know. I knew I needed help in dating. I don't know how one does it. I don't know what to make sense of the things that happened. I do what I do best in things like this, I give up. I bail. Sorry. I feel embarrassed.

Paalis na raw ang kasama ko. Sabi ko'y sasabay na rin ako. Ang gabing iyon napuno ng iba't ibang pakiramdam at karanasan. Iba-iba ngunit naging makabuluhan.

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