How to bring a mamon home

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Sa madaling salita, paano iuwi si Mamon [noon]?

Bago ko simulan ang pagbalik-tanaw, sagutin ko muna yung tanong ninyo marahil na 'anong kalibugan na naman ito?' Pramis, di [lang] libog ito. Napadaan kasi ko sa SOGO sa North Edsa kanina kaya may bigla lang akong naalala. ("Napadaan," ibig sabihin ay dumaan yung bus na sinakyan ko,) Kaya ito ang ilang maiksing kwentong kaladkarin ni Mamon.


"Saan ka? Kape tayo. Sunduin kita."
- Kung saan ang "kape" ay nangahulugan ng libreng kape, libreng kwentuhan at libreng espadahan.


"Sa amin ka na muna tumuloy, uwi ka na lang kinabukasan. Walang masasakyan papunta sa inyo pauwi. Gabi na."
- Kung saan natulog ako sa bahay nila sa probinsya nang wala sa plano"


"Masakit kasi balakang ko ngayon, punta ka dito. Tignan mo nga kung ano problema."
- Nang nagamit ang aking propesyon para sa init ng katawan


"Pansin mo di kita pauuwiin. Mag-check-in tayo ah"
- Sakay ng kanyang magarang sasakyan, inikot namin ang lungsod at hinto sa biglang liko.


"Ok lang ba sa'yo, d'yan tayo sa Canley."
- Kapag sinabing Canley, #alamna


"Tambay tayo dito sa bahay, inom tayo konti"
- Sabi nga nila, pag may alak... may pulutan. chos!


"Dito ko sa hotel / condo / dorm, wala yung roommates ko. Dalawin mo ko."
- Maraming lugar, iisa ang hangarin. Pag wala ang pusa, magpapakabasa ang mga cute.


"Punta ka dito, movie marathon tayo. Dami kong na-download"
- Sa dilim ng kwarto at init ng gabi, ang kamay ay di mapakali at kung saan-saan gumagawi.


"Halika dito, tabi tayo"
- pantasyang naging totoo na sa huli'y naging bato.



Hayun na nga. Pokpok lang ng peg, ano. 

Pero sa dulo ng aking pagbabalik-tanaw, isa lang naisip ko.


Marami mang nakatikim at natikman. Marami mang nakakama. Iisa lang ang bukod-tanging nakapukaw sa aking puso at nakapagpapatingkad ng mga kulay ng aking buhay. 

Di lang katawan, kundi pati puso at isip ko ang nadala mo. Hindi lang kama, kundi pati na bahay, tahanan, at pangarap ang ipinadadama at ibinabahagi mo. Salamat!




Nasabi ko na ba sa'yo, Sai?
Na mahal kita.



 
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Moonlit Apollo

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Sa mga bansang pinupuntahan ko mag-isa, gusto kong maranasan kung paano nagsasaya ang sangkabaklaan nila. Kaya noong nakakilala ako ng bakla dito, inaya ko siyang puntahan yung mga gaybar dito.



Una namin pinuntahan yung Apollo. Sabi niya, iyun daw yung pang upperclass na gaybar. Nasa loob siya ng isang mall tapos di rin naman kalakihan.

May bar, magandang lighting, lighted runway, stage, tables na kailangan ng reservation at DJ's booth.

Tama nga sinabi niya. Upscale gaybar nga yun dahil mga yuppies, execs, at may kaya ang mga andun. Tsaka marami ring foreigners. At di tulad ng karamihan sa Indonesia, maraming nag-e-english doon kaya alam mong upscale.

Kasama na sa entrance fee na 175,000rp (700php) ang isang drink. Elibs (wow, straight) ako sa pantatak nila. Invisible ink na kita lang sa blacklight. totyal. discreet ang peg.

Mga 12mn na kami nakarating. Sabi ng kasama ko kabubukas lang daw ng bar kaya kakaunti pa lang ang nandoon. So usap-usap muna kami. Tingin-tingin sa paligid. Naninipat ng mga cute. At infairness sa crowd, bibihira lang ang shongs. Halos lahat gwapong bihis. yung pupunta ng bar na naka-long sleeves. Marami rin nahiligan mag-puti na longsleeves. ewan ko, siguro tingin nila mas mukhang disente pag ganun. 

Nasa stage ang mga drags na may comedic stint. di ko naman maintindihan kasi in bahasa. pero mukhang nakakatawa naman sila dahil anlakas ng tawa ng madla.

Pagkatapos nung tawanan. Sayawan naman. Dahil simula palang ng gabi, wala pa masyadong sumasayaw. Mayroon lang isang grupo nga mga borta ang nagsasayawan papunta sa runway. Again, mga cuties talaga sila na ang gaganda ng katawan. Kaya sa kanila lang, aliw na aliw na ako.



Tapos biglang nagbago ang tutog at nagbukas ang stage. Sampung mga macho dancers ang nakapwesto na in their undies. Maniwala man kayo 2 lang ang hipon, yung iba puro may itsura na. Ang di lang masaya, walang mga santol o bakat man lang. Di man lang umeffort magpatigas? Wala tuloy thrill. haha tapos yung sayaw pa napaka-basic. giling to the left, giling to the right. hawak ng katawan. kadyot a few times. repeat. magagaling pa yung nasa Bed eh.

Noong sayawan time na sa dance floor na kami nakapwesto. Dahil halos lahat naman ng nandoon ay big groups, sila-sila rin ang nagsasayawan. Not really good in meeting or dancing with a stranger. Pero fun naman. Nakakatuwa kasi yung mga kanta nina Iggy, Nikki, Taylor, memorize na memorize nila. 

May second round pa yung mga macho dancers. Ganun lang din ang ginawa nila. Ang pinagkaiba lang. sequins na ang undies. more kislap effect. walang naglalagay ng pera sa brief kaya nahiya naman ako maglagay tulad sa iba like Bed sa pinas or dun sa US.

Noong tinamad na kami sa Apollo, lipat naman kami sa pang-lower class daw na gaybar. Bago pa lang kami makarating doon, ino-orient na ko ng kasama ko. Sabi niya mainit daw, mabaho, puno ng pawis, malagkit na floor at madilim. Tsaka sabi niya, iwan na raw namin yung phone at wallet namin sa sasakyan baka daw manakawan kami doon.

Sa una kinakabahan na ko, pero curious akong maikumpara sige na lang ako.

Nakarating kami ng Moonlight / ML Disco at tama nga ang sinabi niya.

Pagpasok mo pa lang ng building, kita mo na ang kalumaan ng lugar. Parang rundown na building yung tipong pangpalengke na. Pag-akyat namin sa 3rd floor, kita mo na agad sa corridor yung mga hapong hapo na mga baklang naliligo sa sarili nilang pawis. At tama rin yung kasama ko, iba ang crowd doon. Sobrang layo ng agwat. Parang 10% lang ng crowd ang may itsura.

Sa halagang 50,000rp (200php) pasok ka na.

Pagkapasok namin sa mismong gaybar, dama mo na ang singaw ng pawis. sobrang dilim din at ang gitnang stage lang ang naiilawan. Marami na rin ang naka-topless dahil sobrang init. Ok sana yung topless kung maganda ang hubog ng katawan eh, kaso puro ampapayat.

Agad ako dinala ng kasama ko sa bandang likod ng bar kung saan madalim. Doon daw nangyayari ang mga milagro.

Una di ako naniniwala sa kanya pero pagkadating namin doon. Aba! instant live show!

May isang hilera ng bench na nakasandal sa wall. Sabi ng kasama ko, sandal ka lang daw dun at marami ng pedeng mangyari. Pwedeng may lalapit sayong jajakulin ka o isusubo ka, or ikaw naman ang gagawa noon sa kanya.

Right in front of me with myer own vy eyes may nagchu-chupaan. nagjajakulan. may nakakantutan pa. Grabe lang sa crowd.Ang nadadala nga naman ng init.

Matapos kong lakarin ang kahabaan ng bench na yun at matawa sa kalibugan nila, sayaw-sayaw na lang ako. Una di ko pa feels kasi yucky the place. like I dont belong. haha pero kesa naman sa mainis ako, sinayaw ko na lang yun.

Ang pinagkaibahan din pala nila, dito sa bar na 'to, hipo all you want. napakafriendly ng mga tao. akbay. hawak sa hips. hawak sa pwet. kapa kay junjun. Grabe lang. I felt so violated. haha pero kebs lang sayaw-sayaw lang ako palayo.

Tsaka yung iba naman, napaka-entrep. Dadaan ka sa harap nila, may hawak na kay junjun, may tapik pa ng daliri. Sabi ng kasama ko, mga prosti daw yun, magpapabayad kung ano gusto mo gawin sa kanya. Hala. Wag po koya.

Habang sumasayaw ako di ko namalayan na mag-isa na pala ako. Aba pagtingin ko sa likod, nakaupo na sa miraculous bench ang kasama ko. Pumwepwesto na to give or to receive haha kaya hinayaan ko na lang siya sa kanyan ligaya.

Noong napagod na ko sa kakasayaw, nood-nood ulit ako ng live show. Aba may orgy din palang naganap. Swerte noong isang kuya. Humiga sa bench, may sumusubo sa kanya, may humahaplos ng betlog, tsaka may dumidila sa katawan. Hot sana e. Kaso natawa na lang din ako. Hello, germs. Hello, sakit. haha yung isa naman may niluluhuran tapos biglang may 2 pang lumapit at tinutukan siya. Naawa ako ng slight para kay kuya. Pero, ginusto niya yun eh hehe

Umalis na kami sa bar na yun ng mga 5am. maliwanag na ang alapaap at marami ng nagjo-jogging.

Sa huli, naging maganda at masaya naman ang experience. Di ko alam kung pwede ko mai-compare ang Apollo at Moonlight sa Bed at O-bar. Di pa kasi ako nakakapunta ng O-bar eh. Pero base sa pagkakarinig ko, parang ganun na siguro din yun.

Kung gusto mong mag-enjoy with your friends, sa gaybar tulad ng Apollo ka pupunta, good music, dancing, at entertainment. Kung trip mo naman mamik-up at lumandutay, doon ka sa tulad ng Moonlight.



image not mine:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Lpg3aVUVazg/UC9O77SqMgI/AAAAAAAADvo/nisuytY1VOA/s1600/indonesian+men+topless.JPG

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Nasabi ko na ba sa'yo?

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That moment he said he wanted to tell me something, I already knew what it was. I guess it's that feeling that you know what the other one feels. It's like your hearts are in synced and you're just waiting for the other one to confirm your suspicion.

Nasabi ko na ba sa'yo na...

Na ano?

Na mahal kita?...

Lost for words, all I could do was reply with a tight hug and a hundred kisses.

Our hearts were one in feeling the same thing. We were in love.

I love you too, I finally replied.

A hundred kisses and tight hugs followed.

They say, often you have to choose between someone you love or someone who loves you. That's why I feel lucky to have that guy who loves me the same way that I love him.



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Those nights

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Those nights
I spent with you
It was really special

Those nights
I laid beside you
It seemed right

Those mornings
I woke up in your arms
It's how I imagined it

Those mornings
I greeted you with a kiss or two
It's just bliss

That moment
We held hands in silence
Time seemed to stop

Those nights
Those mornings
Those moments

All kept in my heart.
:')
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Locked messages

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Delete all messages?

-Yes.

Delete locked messages?

*what locked messages?*


I just read your blogspot about me. Or was it? I treat you as a close friend. I also thought that we could be what others cal as "partners." I thought I couldn't stand in the way of your dreams. Yun lang. I hope we can remain good friends. I wish you success and continued happiness Mamon!
that day he knew what I felt about him...


Mamon! baka wala ka ng load kaya di ka makareply... hihi.. just before this night ends for me (im abt to sleep), tandaan mo, lagi kang may friend at ako yun! I appreciate your effort to dropby and tell me your story.
Hindi man ako ang magiging perfect friend mo, ang mahalaga dun, may perfect ears ako for you anytime na kelangan mo at available ako.. hehehe.. basta i-count mo na ako sa mga taong "like" ka naman.. hihihi..
have a great night my friend.. brush off the negative vibes and don't linger on what happened.. may kasunod yan na maganda! hugsies! mwah!!
that time when I was comforted...


Konting sensitivity lang. I mean, I consider "us" to be dating. Reading your latest blog is a fact na ako lang pala ang nagpapaka-exclusive. We're cool. I think I was just expecting so much from you. I think my fault too. Let's remain friends.
Kung magsosorry ka, pinatawad na kita. Kung sasabihin mo na magmove-on na ako... Ginawa ko na. Masama loob ko sa u. Pinilit naman kita intindihin pero siguro nga hanggang doon na lang.
So hindi mo alam  na nakasakit ka when you blog and tweet stuff about how you are attracted to guys?! Mamon naman, it doesn't need special intelligence. I was under the impression we were exclusively dating. Akala ko malinaw sa u ung agreement that we will focus on us. Eh ano yung mga expressions of being attracted to guys. How will I see brighter future on us kung ikaw mismo, di mo macontrol sarili mo.
Dating sa akin nun, I was never enough. Na may kulang because u were drooling with good looking guys.
When you date exclusively, you don't do that, because you should be sensitive with your "would be" partner. Hindi ka aasal na parang single. Hindi ka aasal na parang wala kang pakialam
that instance I became a douchebag...


Alam mo hindi ako COKE
para maging HAPPINESS mo...
Hindi ako NIDO para maging
number 1 mo..
at lalong hindi MCDO para
masabi mong "LOVE KO TO"
Pero di man kita
MAKASAMA forever
sana..
parang NESCAFE na lang
"LET'S MAKE EVERY
MOMENT PERFECT! :)
that moment I felt giddy like a highschool girl...



To forget the feelings of the past is to forget the lesson you ought to learn. I am keeping these lines as a reminder and reference for future dealings and relationships.
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Balik

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And so I'm back... from outer space.. :))

Yes, I'm back in the PH and back to blogging. Medyo na-miss ko din magsulat ng slight.

For the past few days kasi after landing, sobrang naging hectic ang sked ko. Ang daming kailangang tapusin at ayusin. I had to apply for clearance para makuha ko na yung TOR ko at diploma. I had to enroll again para maging bonifide student at i-avail ang student rate ng isang conference. I had to sked a visa interview na sobrang slim ng chance pero buti na lang at may nag-open na sked; at na-approve pala visa ko. And lastly, I had to meet friends na na-miss ko ng ilang buwan na.

So hayun, medyo packed ang unang linggo ko pagkabalik sa pinas. Pero masaya naman.

Ang pinaka-memorable sa linggo ko ay yung naging masahe sa akin noong nakaraang sabado. Tagal rin hinanap ng katawan ko yung hagod at diin ng ibang kamay sa katawan ko. Wala namang ES, pero may konting tease na naganap. sige na nga, maraming tease. Yung masahista kasi e, masyado siya. hehe 

Ang pinaka-bet ko sa masahe niya yung hagod sa katawan hanggang slightly at intentionally sasayad o sasabit kay junjun. Yung pupwesto sa siya sa ulonan ko tapos far-reach sa buong katawan. Para ma-imagine ninyo, may na-research ako sa youtube na slightly similar. But imagine, simula dibdib abot hanggang singit ang strokes.





Well, so much for the kwento. 'til next time. :)
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Komplikado

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Matanda na tayo para gawin pang komplikado ang mga bagay-bagay.

Natuwa naman ako sa papanaw ng kausap ko. Tama nga naman. Bakit nga ba kailangan pang gawing kumplikado ang buhay. Pwede naman i-brush-off yung mga bagay na di umayon sa plano mo. Kebs na lang 'di ba. Take things as it is.

We dated before, had an awesome time together. Kaso hindi naging kami. Sabihin na lang nating hindi tugma yung oras at panahon. Pero nakakapag-usap pa rin kami ng maayos ngayon. Naglolokohan at nagbibiruan. Napag-uusapan namin ang nangyari noon nang walang halong kapaitan. Nakakatuwa lang.

Inisip ko tuloy yung mga nangyari sa akin noon, sa mga bago kong nakilala. Siguro kung ganyan din ang pananaw ko noon marahil nakakausap ko pa rin sila hanggang ngayon. Kung sana'y hindi ko inuna ang aking emosyon, marahil ay buong puso ko pa rin silang maituturing na kaibigan.

Ngunit nanaig ang damdamin. woah. Bridges were burned. Relationships lost. Kung noon sana ay naging simple lang ang tingin ko sa buhay, maayos sana. 

Pero kung gagamitin ko ang pananaw na yan ngayon, hindi ko dapat nang isipin ang nakalipas. No regrets, ika nga. Panahon ng tumingin sa hinaharap at magpatuloy.

Masyadong maiksi ang buhay para pahirapan at kumplikahin ito.

Tsaka buwan ko 'to e. Dapat lang magsaya dahil panibagong taon na naman sa buhay ko ang lumipas.

Time to level up again..  :)


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Istilo

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Noong isang araw habang palakad-lakad ako mag-isa sa mall, napag-isip-isip ko: "paano ba style ko noon 'pag gusto kong magtanggal ng init?" Ngayon kasi parang kailangan o mas maganda yung may magtatanggal noon para sa'yo 'di ba. Paano ba ako noon?

Noon, masaya na ko magjakol mag-isa. 'Yung parang may sariling buhay yung etits mo at titigas na lang siya nang kusa kaya no-choice ka kung hindi magbate. Tapos naka-tengga ka lang sa bahay, sa kwarto mo, kaya sa tuwing titigas si Junjun, parang pilit ka pang magjakol para lumambot siya. You'll be like, "You're hard again! Jeez!"

Noon solb na ko sa literotika, sa mga kwentong malilibog. Kahit walang picture, basta hindi jejemon yung pagkakasulat tsaka maayos yung sentence construction, pwede na pagjakulan. Alala ko pa nga, isang beses, sa sobrang libog ko sa binabasa ko, nilabasan ako nang hindi ko hinahawakan etits ko. Pramis! Mabaog man ako. Doon ko lang napatunayan na pure libog and imagination can really make one come.

Noon naghihintay pa ako ng chance ng sleepover o inuman para maka-take advantage sa mga friends ko. Well, di naman talaga take advantage, gusto naman nila. Kunyari lang silang natutulog. Hindi yung whenever, wherever.

Ngayon kasi parang iba na. Dahil mas madali ng makahanap ng taong tutulong sa'yo sa tag-init, mas ok yung may kasama.

Nagsimula ako noon sa mIRC tapos Yahoo Chat tapos pati yung mga TV channels na ipopost mo yung number mo TV screen tapos may magte-text na lang sa'yo ng "can we b txtm8s?", pinatos ko. Though wala naman akong naka-EB talaga (yuck! so jeje) sa kanila puro landian lang sa text, ganun.

Nagsimula na rin ako sa craft of staring at guys. Una ginamit ko siya para lang ma-hone ang gaydar ko (5-sec count). But later on, naging pick-up tool na rin siya. 'Yung magtititigan kayo tapos boom, CR! boom, MRT! boom, FX! boom, sinehan! Boom! Meron ata akong stories niyan dito sa blog na nakakalat.

Pinakahuling istilo ko ay sa blog to twitter to other gay sites/apps. Parang half ng lifetime keme ko dyan nanggaling (so far, according to my list. Yes, I have a list). Fast, convenient at ready lagi.

Bakit ko nga ba yan naisip? Kasi sa banyagang bansa, nababawasan ang convenience. Paano na yung FuBu back home, di naman pwede paliparin. 'Yung twitter network ng kalan (read: kalandian), di rin maaring pumunta. Kaya feeling ko back-to-basics ako dito. Stroll sa mall, window shopping. Boy-watching. Minsan nakakabingwit gamit ang tantalizing eyes, pero pagkahuli, pinapakawalan din. Mahirap kasi yung kumeme sa bansang di ka pamilyar sa tao. Baka kung mapaano pa ka-sweetan ko. Sa sobrang atrasado, balik na naman ang relationship ni Mariang Palad at si Junjun. Best pals forever!




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People

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People come and go. There are some who stay and some just drift away.
But what's sad and sometimes annoying are those who choose to leave. 
Most of them leave out of jealousy or envy, anger, hurt, or pride.

But what's worst are those who choose to leave despite us reaching out to them.
What we can do is just let them go and hope good things for them.

I have my fair share of leaving and being left behind.
What makes me move forward and not look back are those who are willing to stay by side, 
inspire me in everything I do, and are proud and grateful to have me in their lives.
That makes me care less of the people who go and more of the people who depend on me.


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Kalabit (Poke)

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"Natutulog na siya eh," I typed. I was pertaining to our mutual friend (MF) lying beside me.

"Kalabitin mo lang magigising yan. hehe," he replied. I thought he meant for me to poke him to wake our friend up.

"haha sorry gabi na kasi e," he added. Then I realized he wasn't just talking about a poke.


***

We were three lying side by side on the bed. I was on the right, MF in the middle, and a girl friend on the left side of the bed.

The phrase "kalabitin mo lang" lingered in my head as we are about to sleep. I was feeling lonely and alone being in a foreign land for about a month that I just wanted someone to cuddle with. Yes, boys and girls, I just wanted to cuddle.

I've had a lot of experience on making advances on guys while sleeping. Highschool made me a pro at that.

So, when I was sure that the coast was clear, and the girl on left side was facing the other way, I made my move.

Pretending to be asleep, I turned to my left to face MF and hugged him under the blanket. I felt him nudge a bit sensing he awoke. He made a sign of approval as he placed his arm over mine.

The night went on with us hugging or just holding hands. Neither one us spoke nor looked at each other. I guess we just had the same yearning to hold somebody (or maybe it was just me).

Morning came and we had to get up and get going. Our girl friend got into the shower first. As soon as I heard the water run, I hugged MF tightly.

When I sat beside him on the bed, he held my hand and led it to his crotch. At that point I knew what he wanted me to do.

He pulled his dick out and I started to jack him off. I could see in his face that he wanted to groan but was forced hold it in.

I continued pumping his dick until we heard the shower stopped. As soon as we heard the shower door open, he quickly hid his dick back into his shorts. We both played it cool while waiting for our friend to come out of the bathroom.

Since I had some business to attend to that morning, I had to take MF to the nearest MRT station. We weren't able to finish what we started mainly because I became too busy for the rest of our stay in his country.

Needless to say, that experience took some of the heat off my body for another month of solitude and dry spell.



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Two in One

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It was very sudden. Just when I was trying to figure out what's next in my life - having finished graduate school and looking for teaching stints - there came an email asking if I was interested in a post abroad. At that point, I realized that everything does have a right time.

So without hesitation, I replied to the email and next thing I knew, I already had an airline ticket.

Things happened so fast that at first I got nervous and anxious. But I guess that's natural to feel that way whenever change would come, especially if it was that sudden.

Here I am now in a foreign country doing what I think I do best and just trying to enjoy everything that comes with it.

****

In beki news, I'm very disappointed when I got here. There's not a cute guy in sight! Gosh! Crazy! I think I'll go straight! chos!

Anyway, I have this borta coworker. I'll be replacing him for the post because he had to go back to Manila and attend to his sick mom.

I didn't think much about Mr. Borta because he's not really my type. He's like 5'11 tall and really muscular. Yung tipong sumasali sa bikini open. Ganern.

Noong unang kita ko sa kanya, kebs lang, maaliwalas lang siya tignan. Pero sa araw-araw na nakikita ko siya, parang nagbago na rin tingin ko. Like there's more to him than his muscular body. Akala ko noon di masyadong okay ang borta sa kama, i mean for cuddling. Baka kasi masyadong hard.

But there came a time na tabi kami sa backseat ng car. He was kinda leaning on me na kasi nakatulog na pala siya. At doon ko napagtanto. Ok din pala ang katawan ng borta sa dikitan. Di masyado matigas at dama mo ang curves at bumps ng muscles. Parang ang sarap lang i-trace ng mga daliri.

Simula noon, pinagpantasya ko na si Mr. Borta. And therefore I conclude, di lang bacon at chubs ang masarap i-cuddle, pati na ang borta kasama na sa list.


Bale yun muna chika ko. Medyo dama ko na ang homesickness pero still trying to enjoy myself here. Sana makahanap man lang ng beki friends para masaya kahit wala munang hookups. :))

later...

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Limp

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I'm feeling a little limp tonight - maybe it's the vagueness of my future or the dilemmas I am facing or the lack of financial stability I am experiencing - but all I can do is just speculate. I thought I have gone through this already, the quarter life crisis as they say - emotional lability, constant questioning of worth, and unexplainable emo-shit. I'm tired of this, tired to wake up each morning and feel unsure of everything.

Ugh. I just want to shake this off.

Anyway, speaking of shaking things, here's one topic I wanted to write about for so long. I first heard it from some friends [ang mag-react, guilty! hahaha] and it got me curious, though I have to say, I really don't need this. *ehem*

What is it? It's penis enlargement. Yes, my dear friends, you read it right. PENIS ENLARGEMENT. The natural kind. They call it Jelq.

They say Jelqing was derived from an Arabic word meaning 'milking', which is the main motion of this technique. You just have to imagine you're milking your own penis.

Here are some highlights of the technique.
  1. Warm up - like any other muscle you need to warm your sword up. A warm shower a would suffice.
  2. Lubricate - you need your penis to be slippery enough to avoid too much friction. You may use baby oil, vaseline, lotion or whatever lubricant you have.
  3. Erection level - It must only be between 50-75% or in other word, semi-erect. You don't want to jelq with a full hard-on.
  4. Ok grip - form an ok sign with your thumb and your pointing finger.
  5. Jelq - with your OK grip, start at the base of the penis and move up. Apply light pressure, just enough to push blood to your glans. Stop just before you reach the head. the jelq should last approximately 2-3 secs (well it depends how long is your wang. Ga-kabayo na yun pag umabot pa ng 10seconds yan ah). Repeat jelq process with the other hand.


Honestly, I haven't tried this technique. I'm not really sure if it works. There are videos that says it does, but I'm not really convinced. If you're going to try this can you do me a favor, for scientific purposes only, can you measure your penis' length and girth, try jelqing for one week, and measure it again after. Then send me a photo of your penis before and after with the measurements. hehe

After that topic, I'm not feeling limp anymore. *grabs roll of tissue paper*

JELQ reference:

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Beyond

,
So it's been, what, [checks calendar] a week since...  Wait, it was just a week. Wow. Seemed like forever since I last wrote that ... post.

Anyway, I've been, well, caught in a recurring nightmare called procrastination. I have accepted early this month that I will not be able to wear that sash in graduation day. But a colleague convinced me to try hard and make it through the deadline of submission.

Thankfully, I was able to submit my output just in time, yesterday actually - 4 days before my defense. Now, that's what I'm preparing for. It's the final speed bump in my journey to earn another academic degree.

I have big dreams to be honest. I dream of working abroad and alleviating my family's financial burden. I want to see the world and experience it all. I want a fulfilling career, one that I can boast to everyone - not cure cancer, but something close to that, maybe help the limp walk or something to that effect. I want to invest in a real estate property or two, maybe three. I want to put up a business, with my closest girlfriends, the ultimate health and wellness hub. Most importantly, I hope the day would come wherein I can go inside a store, see something I like, and not worry about its price. I want a better life, not that I hate this one; but I think that for the all the things that I've been through ever since I was little, I think I deserve more.

It's not just about the big dreams. It's always the simple things that I love. I want to be able to take the whole family out for dinner and treat them, and show them how I truly appreciate all their love and support for me all throughout my life. I want to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my relatives in the states because it's been ages since I saw them. I want to make snow angels. I want to wear an ensemble of fur jacket, gloves, and boots.

Then after I have achieved them all or at least close to achieving them all, I could be ready to find that one special person who'll say this to me...



haha. sahree singit ko talaga yun :)

Happy week sa inyo!
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Words

,
Honestly, I didn't know he still had that effect on me. Many months have passed and alot has happened. I had my share of successes and failures that's why I never thought he still mattered to me, until that text message I received from him.

I must admit, I didn't expect he would contact me ever again after reading what I wrote about him. But he did. And I can't say I was happy he did.

For the months I erased him in my life, I already thought I have moved on. I didn't think of him anymore. And just recently, I was able to disconnect him from all my social media.

So that text he just sent me came in by surprise. And damn it, all that feelings resurfaced - feelings I didn't know I still kept. Anger. Regret. Pity. Hurt. Intense. Everything just came back.

For sometime, I was back in that emo shit I was months ago. I wanted to explode. I wanted to express myself. I wanted to write something hurtful. But I didn't, I controlled myself. I guess I'll just have to wait to see my go-to person to do that.

So here's what I'm going to say to you who surprisingly still read my blog:

Yes, by now, you'd probably know that that post was about you. Us being friends? Ahh.. I don't know. I don't see it happening anytime soon. But thanks anyways for wishing me well. I too sincerely wish you happiness. But I hope that's the last text I'll receive from you. And I hope our paths won't cross again. Let's just be happy in our own circles. alright? Ciao :)




Postscript:

As I read my post about him, I realized at some point in my life I was my most recent date. Just a realization. We sometimes let others feel what we ourselves wouldn't want to feel nor experience.
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Our story

,


I wanted to write something for so long because these past few days to weeks were a rollercoaster (yes, that analogy again) of emotions.

But where should I begin?

I wanted to start at the ending, the very last text message he sent where I didn't have the will or drive to reply at. And from there, I could do a flashback of how happy and content I was seeing him, though not much often than he wanted to. Then I could finish with how we started, the first and the second time we went out.

But, this is a story I can't fully grasp. Conflicting emotions overcome me up to this very moment. Regret. Relief. Hurt. Sadness. Embarrassment. And I guess more.

I wanted to write a decent explanation, but I don't think it would have any bearing now. I could write an apology but he said he doesn't need it.

Am I really that numb? Maybe. I guess. Perhaps being hurt for so many times makes one that way.

So, about our story... I guess it ended before it even began.


*image from here
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Of Booze, Excitement, Dancing

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Sa gitna ng dumadagungdong na musika, napapaligiran ng mga nag-iinuman at nagsisiyahan, at habang pinapanood ang mga katabi at nasa entabladong kalalakihan na nagsasayawan, maraming bagay ang sumagi sa aking isipan.

This is so high school. Like Blue Onion days. Standing in a corner. Swaying from side to side. Occasionally, sipping beer. Trying to be more frugal. Looking at the crowd. Seeing mostly gorgeous people. Feeling insecure.  Smiling at the weirdness, sexiness, and horniness around. Very high school, indeed. The only difference is, this time, I could go home with a number or a guy. *sees a guy already staring.*

Sabay tugtog ng Wrecking ball... Applause... at kung ano-ano pang kantang na-remix upang umakma sa mood na sayawan at gilingan.

Just the other day, I was applauding in praise to the great Creator. Tonight, I'm applauding how those half-naked men are gyrating their hips. The other day, I was praising the beauty of His creation. Now, I'm praising how those ledge dancers' body is cut in God-like beauty.

This is what they're saying, serving two masters. I am serving two masters, ain't I? 

Sinilip ko ang cellphone ko. Walang reply.

I did it again, didn't I? I blew it big time. Someone was already pouring his heart out but I  still didn't let him inside mine. Was I still confused? Lack commitment? Or are we simply not meant to be? I don't know. I knew I needed help in dating. I don't know how one does it. I don't know what to make sense of the things that happened. I do what I do best in things like this, I give up. I bail. Sorry. I feel embarrassed.

Paalis na raw ang kasama ko. Sabi ko'y sasabay na rin ako. Ang gabing iyon napuno ng iba't ibang pakiramdam at karanasan. Iba-iba ngunit naging makabuluhan.

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Sa coffee shop: Caught off guard

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[PBB teens-level. Pasensya na]

Sa glass wall, malayo pa lang ay nakita ko na siya papalakad sa field. nakita ko siyang pumasok.
[sana hindi siya lumapit, sana hindi siya lumapit, sana hindi siya lumapit. hindi ako ready]

> Hi!
- Oh Hi! (kunyari di ko siya nakitang pumasok)
> San si…? Punta ba siya?
- Ah, hindi daw. tinatamad ata siya.

Shet!!! Andito si Crush! Grrrr! Nakapangbahay pa naman ako! Nakakahiya naman. Next time dapat laging ready. He’s soo professional-looking. jeez. haay. Crush.

[some random small talk later]

> sige una na ko.
- bagsak ka naman niyan sa kama. [parang may something wrong sa sinabi ko]
> ha? hindi siguro, nood pa ko ng live streaming, ay hindi live streaming. streaming lang pala ng volleyball game kanina.
- ah.. ok.. ingat ka. [wag ka muna umalis. kape muna tayo!!!!]

pagkaalis niya...

type sa cellphone kay mutual friend 
Single ba si ….? Pressed send.
Did I really just text that?! lol
oh shoot shoot shoot shoot! don’t mind my last text!
Yess. Gow lang.
SHOOT! single si crush! lol
didn’t really mean to send that haha erase that.
But I did. I did mean to send it. lol Kinginang kilig ko lol

Professional. [career guy]
Dresses well. [pangbalanse sa pagka-koboy ko]
Ortigas nagwo-work [geographic advantage]
Cute [sarap ipakilala sa mga friends]
has big ears [parang satellite dish lang, makes him cuter]
Lean [body  I just wanna put my arms around]
Soft spoken [tipong nasa loob ang kulo, makes him more interesting]
And that smile [makes me wet, I mean, weak. makes me weak lol]

He is available.

Ay potek talaga! lol Mapapadalas na ko dito sa coffee shop na 'to *grin*

At dahil jan ang mga natitirang oras ko sa coffee shop ay nagugol sa pagpapantasya kay crush. hehe
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Bulong (2)

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Ang nakaraan.


Hindi iyon ang unang pagkakataong nagkaraon siya ng realization habang nasa kama kasama ang isang lalaki.


- wala namang nagkakagusto sa akin e. puro na lang katawan ko gusto nila, pabiro niyang banat. Maybe he was also fishing for some compliments. Ngunit sa likod ng banat na iyon ay nagtatago ang totoong frustration na nararamdaman niya sa mga lalaking nakikilala niya. 

> bakit, hindi mo ba  naisip na baka ilan sa kanila ay relasyon ang hinahanap? Ikaw lang talaga ang may ayaw, sagot niya na tila kuya na nagpapayo.

- choosy ko noh. ang hot ko kasi e, sarkastikong sagot niya. Nagpatawa na lang siya para maitago ang kahihiyan sa kanyang sinabi.


Ang payo na iyon ay nagmula sa kanyang matagal nang crush na minsan ay nagkataong nagtagpo ang kanilang pagnanasa.

Akala niya ay wari'y sinasabi sa kanya na relasyon ang gusto sa kanya, na wari'y seryoso ang kanyang pinagpapantasyahan na ng kay tagal sa kanya, na gusto niya na maging sila.

Ngunit mali ang kanyang inakala. Sa dulo'y hindi rin sila ang nagkatuluyan. Marami siyang naisip na dahilan kung bakit hindi nangyari ang inaasam niya; ngunit lahat ng iyon ay magiging ispekulasyon lamang. Dahil masyado siyang nasaktan, marahil hindi na niya makakayanang makipagkita muli.
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Bulong

,
Walang-ano-ano ay naibulong niya ang kanyang munting tanong...

- Nagustuhan mo rin ba ako?

Nahihiya pa niyang naitanong iyon habang nakapatong at nakasiksik ang kanyang mukha sa leeg ng kanyang kasama.

- I mean... nagkagusto ka ba sa akin ever?

Gusto man niyang bawiin, wala na siyang magawa. nasabi na rin niya eh. He might as well clear what he wanted to ask.

> Di ba nga sabi ko sa'yo noon... magpapayat ka lang ng konti, ang hot mo na.

- eeeeh. di mo naman sinagot yung tanong ko...

Tanging tawa na lang ang naisagot sa kanya.

Parang lahat, siguro halos lahat, na lang ng nakakasama niya sa kama ay iniisipan niya ng potential na maging kasintahan. Siguro dahil na rin sa pagkasawa niya sa palagian na lang sex ang bagsak ng nakakasama niya na kung saan siya ang madalas ang nagbibigay. Kaya marahil napapaisip na siyang lumagay sa tahimik.

Hindi na niya ipinagpatuloy ang pagtatanong tungkol sa nararamdaman para sa kanya. Tila mayroon na siyang hinala kung ano iyon at ayaw na naman niyang makadama ng sakit ng rejection. Sa palagay niya hindi dahil nagkaroon sila ng pagkakainitindihan ng nararamdaman kundi dahil sa sabay lamang silang nalibugan.

Siguro mabuti na yung hanggang doon lang ang pag-iisip niya ng ganoon. Mabuti na rin na tapos na rin ang paminsang pagsasama nila sa kama. Tama na marahil yung kaswal na lang sila na magkakilala o magkaibigan.
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Last night in a coffee shop

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Last night I was supposed to meet a friend in a coffee shop. Half an our passed and I received a message from him saying that he would not be able to come. Wanting to finish transcribing my data, I just shrugged off being stood up and continued with my business.

Minutes later, I found myself transferring from the couch area to the long table because the girl beside me just decided to air-dry her feet. The stench of her sweaty feet was giving me a headache. I really felt sorry for my nose for having to endure that disgusting odor.

At the long table, I immediately noticed a good-looking guy across me. He seemed to work in a corporate setting judging from his attire of a combination of long sleeves and black slacks. As he was intently reading his book, I kept on stealing glances and just appreciating the pleasant face that he has. Even at first glance I already knew he was gay. I have a knack of being right ninety percent of the time thanks to my valid gaydar.

With my earphones placed, I started to continue my transcription. In the duration of typing, I would occasionally pause and play the audio recording. During a time when the recording was paused, I heard guy across the table (GA) inviting a good friend (GF) to come over and accompany him.  When GF arrived, I confirmed they're both gays through eavesdropping in their conversation whenever I was typing. They were talking about Bed and Obar, and of their friends' partners.

A part of their conversation stuck in my head..

GF: Nagkakagusto ka ba doon sa ganoon? sa girlie-girlie.

I was eager to hear their conversation because I wanted to know if the statement that straight-acting gay guys are strictly looking for the same is true.

GA: Hindi.

GF: ah. ako rin. isang beses kasi na kela.... ako, nakaupo ako sa sofa, narinig ko si... kumakanta ng regine velasquez song. nakaka-turn-off. hehehe

Incredible. I've long accepted that gays do have preferences. We are composed of different colors and shades that we choose who we would want to be with. But to look down on other gay men just because they sing Regine, Beyonce, or Mariah songs is, in my opinion, unnecessary. What's wrong with singing along with these divas? Though we gay guys are different, aren't we all still the same? We all like dicks, don't we?

Not really wanting to ruin my night and get angry, I just concentrated listening at the recording and typing what I hear. But during an interval, I caught another part of their conversation.

GA: dahil dun sa friend kong iyon kaya ako nakapasok jan sa Bed at OBar.

GF: ah baka ganoon ka na rin ah [doing the mapilantik hand gesture] haha Di ko alam, di naman kasi kita madalas makasama e.

GA: hehe hindi naman.

Who's he to say that? I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. It seems like there's discrimination even in a diverse community which fights for equality. Such a douche-bag. What surprised me more was they seem to be affluent educated individuals, yet they show narrow-mindedness with people in the same community.

I immediately turned back my attention to my laptop before I get really infuriated with those two. As I gazed through the glass window, I saw my friend, the one I was supposed to meet, walk towards the door. I greeted him as he approached the table before having a seat. He sat across me and beside GA. He greeted me, and then turned to GA and greeted him as well. And to my surprise, they're also friends. Talk about having an awkward small world.
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Falling in and out of love

,

Something I read days ago suddenly helped me remember an entry I was supposed to write. This was supposed to be a post long time ago after a known couple broke up. They were together for  how many years and everybody in the the blogging and microblogging worlds know of their relationship. That is why there was shock when news of their separation broke out. Word has it that one of them may have fallen out of love. And later it was discovered that he had already been seeing someone. So observers like me can't help but wonder, which came first, falling out of love or falling in love with somebody else.

To shed more light on the topic, I asked some friends regarding the subject at hand. To elicit unbiased  and general answers, I purposely omitted the inspiration of my inquiry.

When someone is breaking up and reasoned that he already "fallen out of love", does it mean he has already "fallen in love" with somebody else?

- Hindi naman. Pero pedeng un ang reason kaya na fell out of love siya dun sa current jowa

- No. You may fall out of love simply because you want your freedom back. Ibang case ang you fell for someone else.

- Falling out of Love is born out of feeling lost and nowhere in a supposed right time and place, with the supposed right person. Falling in Love with someone else, I guess, is just simply what stupid people do. right? :)

- I think they're distinct from each other. You can fall out of love with your lover, without falling in love with somebody else. I've seen it

- hmm should be two different things. Some people claim they could love two people at the same time. I believe it can happen that you just fall out love. It has happened to me, with no third party around.


Then a follow up question:


Can you give me an example where you would believe or not believe you're partner's reason: "fell out of love?"


- My ex "fell out of love." before he said it. It was gut feel. I believed him. I set him free. I "fell out of love" sa ex ko before the most recent. I gave him 6-8 months of steady distance before i broke up. Took me two years to start a relationship again.

- Naku haha, when your partner says he fell out of love, yun na yun. Wala ka ng laban. That's the kindest way for him to tell you it's over.

- Well it would start with determining if there's reason to think there might be a third party.



In my general opinion, I believe that just like people can grow in love with someone over time, they can also grow out of love. Because people change, and so do feelings. You can't expect someone to have the same intensity or quality of love as when you first met them and last after 5, 10 years or so. That would be highly idealistic, bordering on false hope.

What you can and should expect is that over the course of your relationship, you should have planted enough memories, moments, and values that could not wither as years go by. That those years spent together helped your relationship grow stronger even if storms of lust, boredom, and temptation pass.

But in the event that these planted seeds of memories are not enough to keep your feelings from flying away, it should still demand respect from you. Falling or growing out of love should not throw away the respect and gratitude towards your soon-to-be previous partner. No matter how you fell out of love, those times you spent with that person should have enough weight  that you still consider his feelings as you go in your separate ways. You owe him that.

He deserves your honesty. He deserves to know that you're having doubts, and what's going through your mind. You can't just drop a bomb on him all of a sudden as if you are the only one in that relationship. And most especially, he deserves not to be cheated on. Just because your love is lesser should not mean you can treat that person any lesser too.




I'd like to acknowledge and extend my gratitude to my respondents for sharing their time and experience in answering those questions.
Kyllick of [A] Paper Xparrow

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Biyahe

,
Ano'ng feeling? pabulong na tanong ko sa kanya habang binabaybay namin ang kalsada sa campus.

Masakit. ang mabilis niyang sagot waring alam na niya ang ibig kong sabihin. Mas mabuti pa yung ma-break-an kaysa yung mamatayan.

Tumango na lamang ako sa kanyang sinabi, nagtitiwala sa kanyang salita, sabay tingin sa tinatahak ng aming sasakyan. Hindi ko alam kung ano sunod na sasabihin. Hindi ko kayang magkunyaring alam ang kanyang nararamdaman dahil di pa naman ako namamatayan ng minamahal. At sa puntong iyon, hindi pa rin ako sigurado kung ano sila noong pumanaw.

Noong mamatay ang lola ko, na ka-close ko, mga ilang linggo pa lang, ok na ako. Iba kasi ito, biglaan. Hindi namin inaasahan, ang pagpatuloy niya. Siya kasi, 10 years kaming magkasama. Simula college pa lang ako. Araw-araw ko siyang nakikita. Lagi kaming magkasama sa bahay. Mahirap mag-move on sa ganoon.

Akala ko mag-isa ka na lang sa bahay.

Hindi, magkasama pa rin kami. Siyempre, press release ko na lang yun. Pero ngayon wala na kong itatago. Wala ng mawawala sa akin kung malaman ng iba.

Sa puntong iyon, nasigurado ko na. Sila nga ay mag-partner.

Bumaba siya ng sasakyan sandali upang ihatid ang ilang gamit ng kanyang namayapang partner sa kaniyang opisina. Naiwan ako sa kotse upang magbantay.

Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko noong mga sandaling iyon. Katulad ko rin pala siya. Ngunit hindi sumagi sa isip kong pareho pala kami. Wala siya typical profile ng discreet gay guy na nakilala ko. 

Sampung taon sila nagsama. Sa mga nakilala kong mag-partners, never pa ko nakakilala na umabot ng ganoon katagal. 10 years of living together. 10 years of love. Ang tagal noon. Kung umabot sila ng ganoon katagal, it must be for forever. Sila na talaga para sa isa't isa.

Only death separated them. Para talagang mag-asawa na. For sickness and in health. Til death do they part. Sa kalusugan. Sa sakit, nang maospital ang partner niya. Hanggang sa kamatayan, sila pa rin.

Sa pagkakataong iyon, di ko namalayang namumuo na ang luha sa mga mata ko. Sumpa talaga ang pagiging emphatic. Tila naramdaman ko ang sakit at lungkot na bumabalot sa kanya at sa sasakyang iyong sila ang madalas magkasama.

Naalala ko ang post niya sa facebook sa pagluluksa. Mayroon pa silang planong magsama at manirahan sa ibang bansa at doon na mamuhay ng malaya at masaya. Nakaramdam tuloy ako ng hinayang.

Ang huling thought na pumasok sa isip ko noon ay posible pala iyon. Ang maging masaya at kuntento sa isang tao ng ganoong katagal. Kung yung iba ay nabo-bore na after 5 or 6 years, sila umabot pa ng 10 years at malamang tatagal pa kung hindi lang namaalam ng maaga yung isa.

Pareho silang guwapo ng partner niya. Parehong matipuno. Malamang marami rin silang nakakasalamuhang mas maganda ang katawan, mas gwapo, mas mabait, at mas pa sa iba't ibang bagay. Pero sa kabila ng lahat, pati mga problema sa pamilya, nagtagal pa rin sila. They endured it all. Their love endured.

Napabulong na lang ako sa universe na sana'y makatagpo rin ako ng ganoon, ng wagas na pag-ibig.

Naputol ang pagmumuni ko nang kumatok siya sa salamin upang i-unlock ang pinto ng sasakyan. Nagpatuloy ang aming byahe palabas na ng campus.
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Karakas

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Mabilisang sabawan...

****

Walang nangyari sa 'min.

-Weh?! Naku. Alam ko na yang karakas mo. Kilala na kita.

Agh!  Ano tingin mo sa 'kin?! Nakaka-offend yun ah.

-Charot! hahaha

****

Sa totoo lang, sa kanya ko lang unang narinig yung term na 'yun.

Ayon sa pagkakapaliwanag niya sa akin at sa pagkakainitindi ko ang karakas ay yung teknik mo o moves mo na kadalasang ginagamit upang mambiktima magpa-enamor o magpahumaling ng isang tao.

Eh ano naman kung may karakas ako. Palagay ko naman may kanya-kanya tayong moves para makabingwit e.

Ayon sa kanila, eto raw karakas ko:
1. Makikipagkaibigan - [wala naman masamang makipagkaibigan di ba?!]
2. Mag-aaya ng kape-kape, inom, o akyat ng bundok - [it's my way of getting to know that person. yung kami lang. far from influence of others. Nothing wrong about knowing what he likes or dislikes, right?!]
3. Mahilig daw ako maghawak ng kamay. Touchy ba. - [well, wala ako magagawa it's in my nature and profession. And if I touch you, it means I'm comfortable with you. akbay-akbay, hawak sa likod, balikat, braso, chest. ganun.]

Kung titignan mo naman yung mga karakas ko, hindi ba napaka-wholesome naman. Unlike yung ibang kilala ko.

Other karakas I encountered:
1. facebook: "kelan kaya kita matitikman?" - [Pagkain lang pala peg ko 'no.]
2. twitter: "Be blunt. Tell me what you wanna do" - [Eto yung time na iwas muna ko sa one-night's. may bf na siya ngayon.]
3. twitter: "Skype, anyone?" Tapos biglang mag-iinitiate ng show. - [pornstar lang ang peg. showing his other side. may bf na rin ngayon.]
4. Yung magjo-joke ng titikman, waiting for someone na papatol - [you! yes, you.]
5. Yung kuya-kuya kunyari - [incest lang ang peg] 
6. Yung mag-aaya ng inuman at overnight. Tapos paglasing na, manggagapang. - [old school teknik. did this in highschool. I didn't know people still do this today.]
7. Yung mag-aaya ng inuman with alot of friends just to see that one person he likes - [awww, torpe much.]
8. Yung magpapa-sweet with matching terms of endearment pa - [tengena lang.]
9. Yung dadaanin sa arts, music and dance - [kumu-culture lang oh.]


I bet marami pang karakas na umaaligid jan sa tabi-tabi. Tingin ko naman sakto lang na malaman natin ang karakas ng isang tao dahil dun natin maiintindihan kung anong tipo siya at kung ano talaga ang gusto niya sa iyo.




PS: pakibulong naman sa universe na tulungan ako this week ah. thanks! :D



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Ready or not.

,


So this is it. The one that I've been focusing my attention and neurons on for the past months. This is the reason why I seldom blog, why I temporarily closed down my [landi] twitter account, why I blocked out certain people in my life. This is it.

So much is at stake. So many lives are relying on the its success. I am about to face the greatest challenge in my adult life.

I do pray for a great outcome, not just for my sake but for all who are counting on me. Not only will I benefit from this but everyone around me.

It's a great deal of pressure. Not like any other that I have experienced. Too much on my shoulder. But I am willing to carry this. I know that if this was given to me, I must have what it takes to accomplish it.

I just do hope and pray for a good result.


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Out of curiosity

,

Honest question. or like a survey.

If a blogger's niche is his sexual encounters, fantasy, romance and sexuality, is there a perception that he's easy to get? 

Take this blog for example. It's almost all about sex. Do you, as a reader, someone who has not met me personally [yet] (or for those who have, your first impression of me), think that I would sleep with just about anyone?

So you'd know, I'm not fishing for compliments or anything. Say whatever, you want to say. I don't actually even mind what other people think. I am just honestly curious if there's such a inkling.

Just wondering.

 ^.^
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Nang makausap ang nakaraan sa kasalukuyan

,
Psst Psssssst 

Narinig ko yun habang naglalakad papunta sa sakayan

Pssssssst Pssst

Di ako titingin, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Kung ako tinatawag niya, pangalan ko ang dapat niyang isigaw. Kung ako man yung tinatawag niya, di ako aso para lumingon sa sitsit.

Ngunit di ako nakatiis. Curious bang malaman kung sino yung mokong na yun.. Nang nakalayo na ako at malapit na sa sakayan, lumingon ako. Nagulat ako sa nakita ko. Kahit sa malayo, alam na alam kong siya iyon. Si Ex, na palokong kunyari'y tinatakpan ang mukha. Ang tangi ko na lang nagawa ay ngumiti at lumapit kung saan siya paparoon.

Naramdaman ko ang pananabik nang makita siya kanina. Di ko ma-explain e. Para siyang isang kaibigang matagal ko ng hindi nakausap. 

Tumayo siya sa kinaroroonan at naglakad patungo sa akin. Nagtagpo kami sa gitna. Nagkamustahan. Nagulat at natuwa ako dahil naaalala pa rin niya ang mga detalye ng buhay ko - trabaho, sa school, sa pamilya, at sa mga nangyari sa buhay ko noong kami pa. Natuwa ako sa usapan namin.

Maaga pa noon para sa aking pasok kaya't inaya ko muna siyang maupo kami habang nag-uusap. Kinamusta ko rin siya - ang pamilya niya, trabaho niya, at ang partner niya. 

Napaka-candid lang.

Ang pinakanagustuhan ko noong pag-uusap namin ay noong binanggit niya na nagbago na daw siya matapos ng ginawa niya sa akin. Kahit daw maraming gwapo sa pinagta-trabahuhan niya ay behave lang daw siya. Nasabi ko na lang na, "Buti naman at nagtanda ka na tsaka nagbago," sabay tawa. Natawa naman kami pareho. Napag-usapan din naman ang common ex namin (err ex niya, fling ko lang pala) pati na yung bestfriend niya. Para lang kaming magtropa na nagkakantsawan sa mga naging jowa

Tumagal pa ang usapan namin ng isang oras kaya na-late na rin ako sa trabaho. Pero ikinatuwa ko naman ang aming pagkikita. Ramdam kong walang hang-ups, walang bad blood. Halatang pareho na kaming naka-move on.

Di ko alamg kung gusto ko pa siyang kitaan like the old times bago maging kami na nag-iinuman or dapat ko na lang hayaan sa ganoon na alam ok ang ending. Pero kinuha ko pa rin ang number niya, just in case. 


Yun ang isa sa tingin kong nagagawa ko ng maayos e, ang maka-move on agad, di lang sa ended relationships, pati na sa mga bagay na nangyari na di naman kaaya-aya. Kapag nagawa ko na ang part ko sa bagay na yun, meaning nag-apologize na ko, nag-reach out na ko, tried to make things work out, umiyak, nag-rant sa friend, o maglabas ng sama ng loob sa blog or diary, ay hinahayaan ko na lang yung issue na mamatay at matapos. Di ko na hinahayaan mag-linger yung mga ganung vibes. No use in crying over spilled milk, ika nga. Only time will tell, sabi rin. Time heals all wound, dagdag pa ng iba. Time heals nothing coz it's not a doctor, pambasag lang ng ilan. So, hinahayaan ko na lang. Marami pa namang bagay at tao sa mundo na kailangan pagtuunan ng pansin, na mas mahalaga sa akin, at lalong lalo, na mas pinapahalagan ako. da bah. I thank you. bow. 
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