Closet Clutters

I have been chatting with this guy for a few days now. Nakilala ko siya sa isang social media app - one of those random adds na naman. Yes, I'm that guy. Pero anong magagawa ko, I'm lonely. haha Anyway, I commented one time in his photo, asking if he's still working where his profile says he's working. It was somewhere familiar because I had applied to that company before. So, we kept on chatting from that simple inquiry. I was surprised that he kept the conversation going until the end of the day until we fell asleep. I kinda felt something good going on there. Until this day, we've kept the conversation going every day. Our conversations started wholesome with our jobs, traveling, hobbies, and days off to talking about sleepwear and preference in guys. So I guess, we're already at that getting-to-know stage. His days off are weird and don't usually coincide with my days off. But we have already decided to meet in 2 weeks. Hopefully, we can talk more about ...

I remember there were 7 or 8 of us boys in that room. It was an out-of-town trip organized by a school organization. The room had four double-decks; each of us having our own bed. On our last night of the week-long activities, we decided to join two of the double-decks and just sleep close to each other. Four on the upper beds and four of us on the beds below. Before we all went to sleep, we decided to have some drinks and just talk about each other's lives. Here was when the fun began. We learned a lot more about each other than before. And that made us much more comfortable with each other. The guy on my right was the first one to sleep. He seemed very tired from the day's activities. Then we all followed suit. In the middle of the night, I was awaken by some motion from the guy from my left side. My initial reaction was that he maybe masturbating. That got me curious and wide awake. As I observe in silence and closed eyes, that guy still shook his body and moved his...

Minsan pag nagkakaroon ka ng SO (significant other) or SS (special someone) sa buhay mo, di ninyo maiwasang magkaroon ng tawagan or pet names. Classic example nun ay love, darling, mahal, pangga, beau, boo, bubba at kung ano-ano pa. So papatalo ba ko. hehe DK - naging DK kasi pareho naming nickname sa bahay ay nagsisimula sa D, so ibig sabihin niyan ay D** Ko. oh di ba, baduy. haha simula pa lang yan. Han - derived from my other name. When he first texted me, and addressesed me with this name, I thought he was just lazy typing. So I replied with the same name, and everything started from there. Mahal - Ito yung wala lang maisip na tawagan kaya nakiuso na lang sa mahal-mahal na tawagan. Soulmate - Ang dami kasi naming things in common kaya napagtanto naming soulmates kami. Though he's miles away, may pagkakaintindihan kami somehow. At excited ako makilala siya nang personal, like super personal. haha Big / little bear - Okay, siguro madali ng isipin kung sino si big bear...

Before they've been labeled as powers , I think they all went through a learning phase. Nobody can be experts on their first try, right? It takes practice to master any skill and develop a personal approach for each technique and position.   I remember the first time I was given some pointers by a former lover. I was such naive about certain things. When it came to the bed department, all I had was the one and only style I ever did to pleasure my partner. So having someone to mentor me and showing me the ropes widened my perspective on things you could do  in bed. It's good that you're willing to learn and try. But I guess it's far better if you're partner is also willing to learn and try as much as you do. The zeal in trying out things really spices up the relationship. I remember this guy I dated. He's really cool. One night, we wanted to try out something we haven't done before but nevertheless  very much willing to experience it. Two condoms and...

It's just something that I've been thinking of lately. Sex, I think, changes everything. For some, sex can be as casual as just having dinner together. Expecting nothing in return. Just contented with a night's pleasure and waking up in the morning with someone to cuddle. But for most people, including me (well, most of the time), post-sex is very crucial. It'll either make or break the relationship, even if it's just starting as friendship or dating. There's this guy who I like very much. We spent the night together in our first date. The night was very much enjoyable - and the things that happened. But come morning, it just went downhill. There were already disparity in our expectations which was mostly my fault. I have to admit, I really did something wrong. So now, the sweetness that once filled his messages became more generic and friendly. I'm still trying to turn things around with him. Trying to bring back what I wrecked. But, there's o...

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We just came from a back-breaking, knee-shattering training. Alright, I'm just exaggerating  But it was really a tiring day full of drills and exercises. It was summer then and the heat didn't help in making our life easier that day. After dinner, we got settled in our bunk beds. All the double-deckers was filed side-by-side to accommodate more people. And since we were all guys there, there were no qualms in sleeping together. I decided to sleep on the top bed with another comrade. I never liked being in the bottom... bed, I mean. And yeah, in bed *wink*. As I was saying. I was on the top bed with someone in our team. He was on my left. On my right was someone from the other team, so never mind him. Going back to the story. I was always been curious with this teammate of mine. He was lean and slightly taller than me. Stories went around that he was gifted. He was even called Jake the Snake. And you know what they say about lean men: the leaner they are, t...

"hindi bale. basta makita ko lang siya, masaya na ko" Pramis. Kinilig ako noong una kong masilayan ang mukha niya sa Skype. Ang cute lang niya. Sarap niyang akapin, halik-halikan, at alagaan. Sa totoo, napakaaliwalas kasi ng mukha niya kaya di malayong magkagusto ka sa kanya sa unang tingin palang. Sobrang gusto ko siyang makilala noon. Ang daming beses na tinetext ko siya at tinatanong kung anong schedule niya sa opisina dahil balak ko siya abangan sa paglabas. Surpresahin ba. Makita ko man lang siya nang personal. Nakakatawa kasi pakiramdam ko noon obsessed fan ako ng isang artista. Totoo. Sa katunayan, isang gabi inabangan ko siya sa opisina. Mejo late na rin yun. Akala ko kasi 11pm ang labas niya. Ako naman todo hintay sa labas ng building inaabangan ang bawat lumalabas. "Ano naman gagawin ko kung makita ko man siya," isip ko. "hindi bale, basta makita ko lang siya, masaya na ko," sabay ngiti at kilig. Lumipas ang isang oras, wala parin ang h...

I was on my way back to the province late - nope, make that - early this midnight last Monday. I was shocked when I learned that there was no more van going to our place. What to do in the middle of the night? If I go back to our other house here in the city, I would have to wake up really early just to make it to work on time. Then I remembered a coworker saying about a bus bound to Pacita which can lead me to a stop for jeepneys going to our place. So I decided to push through not really knowing where exactly I should alight. All I could think of was that I should get there somehow. It was an adventure not knowing where I was headed or if I was going to the right place. At first, it was fine because I love the thrill and excitement. However, as we near the expressway, I felt scared. On normal circumstances where there's the sun to light our way and there are a lot of people to ask directions, it would seem very easy. However, the night is unsafe for a novice like me in a foreig...

"Nahiya ako sa'yo kasi hinawakan ko kamay mo.." Ang tahimik lang niya nang nakilala ko siya noon. Sa ingay at gulo ng paligid, kasama na ang walang humpay na kwentuhan ng barkada, ay sa kanya lang ako napapatitig lagi. Unang pagkakataon ko lang siya nakita noon. Sinama siya ng isang kaibigan sa lakad para ipakilala. Wala namang kakaibang nangyari noong kami ay kumain ng hapunan hanggang sa konting pulutan. Nagkataon naman na kami ay magkatabi habang tuloy ang tawanan at kwentuhan sa may hapag-kainan, kasabay ng saliw ng musika galing sa isang kumakanta sa videoke. Tinibayan ko ang aking sarili. Naging matapang at mapangahas ako nang idinikit ko ang tuhod ko sa hita niya. Naghihintay ako ng pag-iwas ng kanyang hita ngunit di iyon nangyari. Bagkos kumuyakoy pa siya at pakiramdam ko'y may konting pagdiin mula sa hita niya. Itinuloy ko ang aking kapangahasan, habang nakipag-usap at nagke-kwento ay bahagya o sandali ko naman pinapatong ang kamay ko sa hita...

As of publish time, kahahatid ko lang kay... itago na lang natin sa pangalang.. Tol sa sakayan. (back story here .) Nanggaling siya dire sa bahay namin at dito na siya nagpalipas ng kaunting oras matapos ang aming munting lakad kagabi. Ang plano kagabi ay magpunta sa Fair upang makipagsaya at dun magpalipas ng araw ng mga puso. Pag dating namin sa lugar ay sandamukal ang tao sa may main entrance. Makikita ang isang mahabang pila para sa tickets at tatlong mas mahabang pila pa para sa entrance. Bilang alas nuebe na iyon ng gabi ay nagpasya kami na kumain na lamang sa Technohub. Doon ay nagkwentuhan kami habang nagsasalo sa lechon at lechong paksiw. Gusto ko sanang itanong sa kanya yung tungkol sa mga text message namin, at sa mga subtle hints noong kami ay nag-overnight. Pero syempre baka assuming lang ako kaya pinigilan ko ng itanong. Nang nasa bus na kami pauwi (lintik na bus yan, puro na lang sa bus :p) hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. Symepre humawak na rin ako nang mahigpit...

Pumasok ako sa grupo na iyon para maging mabait at maituwid ang mga mali kong pamamaraan at pamumuhay. Sabi ko kapag napaligiran ako ng mababait o nagpapakabait, baka naman mahawahan ako at magpakabait na ko. Ang grupo na ito ay binubuo ng mga taong wala pang asawa. Kamakailan ay lumabas kaming mga lalaking magkakapatid sa pananampalataya para sa aming buwanang pagtitipon. Ginanap ito sa bahay ng isa sa amin sa Rizal. Sa laboy naming iyon ay napalapit ako sa isa sa kanila. Nagkasabay kami sa paglalakad at doon kami nakapag-usap ng matagal. Sa umpisa pa lang ay parang 'naamoy' ko na siya. Mayroon siyang kakaibang 'mannerisms,' pananalita, at galaw. Malakas ang tiwala ko sa aking radar sa mga ganyang bagay. Ngunit isinangtabi ko ito dahil baka nagiging malisyoso lang ako. Hanggang sa nagkaroon ng pagkakataong nagkasama kami sa ilalim ng payong upang umiwas sa init ng araw. Nagkaroon ng oras na nakahawak siya sa braso ko. Madali talaga ako mahulog 'pag nahahawakan...

Naalala ko lang Noong tumatawid tayo ng kalsada. Kumakanta ako habang naglalakad Ayaw mo pala ng ganoon. Nainis ka. Natatawa lang ako kasi nakakatuwa ka. Naalala ko lang Noong nanonood ako ng Showtime Ang lakas ng tawa ko Dinig mo pala sa banyo Natawa ka lang sa akin. Mababaw naman talaga kaligayahan ko Naalala ko lang Noong nakasakay tayo ng bus Magkahawak tayo ng kamay Dama ko ang malambot mong palad Nasiyahan naman ako May lambing ka pala kahit papaano Naalala ko lang Noong magkatabi tayo sa kama Magyakap lang tayo pagkagising Gusto ko lang noon ng kayakap Gusto mo rin pala Pakipot ka pa, arteh mo. Naalala ko lang Yung pabangong naiwan sa leeg mo Inaarbor ko yun, ayaw mo naman Sarap lang amoy-amuyin. Naalala ko lang. Ang sarap lang balikan yung mga pangyayaring nakapagpaligaya sa atin, mga bagay na nakapagbigay ng ngiti sa atin, at mga taong nagpasaya sa atin habang tayo ay kanilang kapiling. Magpapasalamat ka na la...

Whenever I have this feeling, Citybuoy's literary piece comes to mind - Never Yours . (If you haven't had the time to read it, now is the best time to do so.) However, I'm no master storyteller. I can't whip up a great storyline from an emotion or experience. But I do feel. So I'll just write whatever it is that I feel. Never mine. He's never mine. What then should I feel? I can't feel jealous. He's never mine. I wanna be happy.. I AM happy for him. I would just like to think that it was just never meant to be. The truth is, I am not ready. I think I'm not. He's just better off without me. I would just like to think I'm no good for him. Maybe I'm good for someone else but not him. Rationalizing, I am. But that's life. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Never mine. He's never mine. What then should I feel? I did feel a little jealous. But why should I, he's never mine. Confused. Awkward. Insanely uncomf...

A friend (yes, friend talaga, sana mabasa mo 'to) and I were having a light conversation through text one night. One of the topics was something about refraining from being a tease. I told him that for me it's alright to tease, it's the thing after the tease that should be controlled. Same is my belief on flirting. He replied, "gawain mo kasi kaya alam mo mag control..." I didn't know how to react at first. I was thinking, "should I feel insulted?" Then, I tried to reflect on his statement. Am I tease, I said to myself. If I tease or flirt, am I able to control myself? That's when I realized that more often than not, I would give in to my urge and wouldn't resist invites. I am after all allowed to enjoy my single-hood, right? Plus, it's really nice to cuddle afterwards. Oh, but there's a lot of times I tease without anything happening, like in random places. I'm not a horny bunny to approach just about anyone who return...

Whenever we feel tensed, our instinct is to relieve it. We don't want to hold on to it because we know that if we do so, what little tension we feel at the beginning will build up. And later on, once it becomes so big we won't be able to control or bear with it, and we will just explode. And what are these that cause tension? Most likely, it's stress from work or the anxiety from deadlines. There's also pressure from different aspects of our lives - family, friends, school, work, love life. These stressors keep our bodies contracted - our shoulders shrugged, wrist clenched, back tightened, toes curled. Not allowing our muscles to loosen up and relax results to poor performance. Like what I've said earlier, we immediately want to relieve the tension before it becomes problematic. What do we do? We relax. Have a break. Go on a vacation. Meet up with friends. Do just anything that puts our minds away from thinking about work. So that when we do return to our...

Saw two guys from my past today. It was just so unexpected meet them in those places. First was JM. As I was walking through the neighborhood streets, I saw a familiar figure walking towards my direction. I couldn't have been more certain that it was him. A sweet smile confirmed my guess. He just came from work and was just about to go home. Since it was the first time since we saw each other after so long, he decided to accompany me in my errands. While walking to different establishments, we were like our old selves again together - joking and teasing each other. It was just fun to see him again after both us became busy with our lives. And as we walked further, it was apparent that our relationship stayed the same after months of not speaking and seeing each other. It's as if nothing changed. And I was glad it was like that.  Then I realize, this is what I want. Maybe with him or not. Who knows. I just want to have somebody who can be my best bud in public and in the...

Sa bus, nakaupo ako sa may window side. Hinihintay na lang mapuno ito para makaalis na. Isa na sa mga huling pumasok ay si boy-bata may suot na backpack at may dala-dalang grocery bags sa magkabilang kamay. May sinusundan siyang lalaking may malaking bag na dala. Inakala kong magkasama sila. Naupo si Boy-bata sa tabi. Napatingin ako at napaisip, pede si Boy. Ako ay pagod na dahil sa buong umagang pagbabanat kaya di ko na lang siya pinansin. O sige, inaamin ko na minsa'y tila inakit ko siya sa paminsang pagkambyo. Pero natapos lang yun sa ganun. Nang magsimula ng umandar ang bus. Napansin kong si BB ay palinga-linga sa direksyon ko. Naman, trained eye ata 'to. Malinaw ang peripheral vision. Noong nakita ko ulit siya tumingan, ginantihan ko rin siya ng tingin. Iniisip ko kung may balak nga si BB sa akin ay makikipagtitigan ito. Nang pagtingin ko sa kanya, bumaling naman siya ng tingin. Malamang assuming lang ako, bulong ko sa isip ko. Matapos makaikot na ang kundoktor at mangole...

I went to see him last night to surprise him after work. We've been exchanging text messages since we've seen each other at the gathering I mentioned in my last post. I was excited to see him again and just hang out. When we met, he suggested we go for a few drinks. We invited another acquaintance to join us. So it was now the three of us hanging out. We walked through the area trying to look for a good place to share some stories and beer. But we didn't see anything that we liked. Tired from walking, I jokingly suggested we buy some liters of beer, put it in my bag, and check ourselves in. Surprisingly, they thought the idea was brilliant. We could enjoy each other's company at the same time we would have a place to crash.

For two days now, my ex and I are poking each other in Facebook. (for back story regarding my ex, click here )Wait, what does poke suppose to mean anyway?