Closet Clutters

It was in an event of some sort. The venue was packed. People were chatting, drinking, dancing in every corner. Around the venue were booths, probably of the event's sponsors. I went around the place, trying to see who was there. Surprisingly, I was with a date. I have met him weeks before, but the interest slowly faded. As I walk around the dance floor, moving from booth to booth, I noticed a familiar signage. It was the logo of the company where the ex works. Manning the booth was none other than HiM, my ex. Throughout the event, I tried my best to avoid seeing him, or even talking to him. But the more I try to avoid him, the more that we tend to gravitate towards each other. Then finally, as I was talking to some random dude, like in a classic cliche rom com fashion, we were back to back having our own separate conversations, when we bumped into each other. "Oh. Hi!" I said, as if I was surprised. "Hey!" "You wanna grab something to drink f...

It was very sudden. Just when I was trying to figure out what's next in my life - having finished graduate school and looking for teaching stints - there came an email asking if I was interested in a post abroad. At that point, I realized that everything does have a right time. So without hesitation, I replied to the email and next thing I knew, I already had an airline ticket. Things happened so fast that at first I got nervous and anxious. But I guess that's natural to feel that way whenever change would come, especially if it was that sudden. Here I am now in a foreign country doing what I think I do best and just trying to enjoy everything that comes with it. **** In beki news, I'm very disappointed when I got here. There's not a cute guy in sight! Gosh! Crazy! I think I'll go straight! chos! Anyway, I have this borta coworker. I'll be replacing him for the post because he had to go back to Manila and attend to his sick mom. I didn't think ...

I'm feeling a little limp tonight - maybe it's the vagueness of my future or the dilemmas I am facing or the lack of financial stability I am experiencing - but all I can do is just speculate. I thought I have gone through this already, the quarter life crisis as they say - emotional lability, constant questioning of worth, and unexplainable emo-shit. I'm tired of this, tired to wake up each morning and feel unsure of everything. Ugh. I just want to shake this off. Anyway, speaking of shaking things, here's one topic I wanted to write about for so long. I first heard it from some friends [ang mag-react, guilty! hahaha] and it got me curious, though I have to say, I really don't need this. *ehem* What is it? It's penis enlargement. Yes, my dear friends, you read it right. PENIS ENLARGEMENT . The natural kind. They call it Jelq . They say Jelqing was derived from an Arabic word meaning 'milking', which is the main motion of this technique....

So it's been, what, [checks calendar] a week since...  Wait, it was just a week. Wow. Seemed like forever since I last wrote that ... post. Anyway, I've been, well, caught in a recurring nightmare called procrastination. I have accepted early this month that I will not be able to wear that sash in graduation day. But a colleague convinced me to try hard and make it through the deadline of submission. Thankfully, I was able to submit my output just in time, yesterday actually - 4 days before my defense. Now, that's what I'm preparing for. It's the final speed bump in my journey to earn another academic degree. I have big dreams to be honest. I dream of working abroad and alleviating my family's financial burden. I want to see the world and experience it all. I want a fulfilling career, one that I can boast to everyone - not cure cancer, but something close to that, maybe help the limp walk or something to that effect. I want to invest in a real estate prope...

Sa gitna ng dumadagungdong na musika, napapaligiran ng mga nag-iinuman at nagsisiyahan, at habang pinapanood ang mga katabi at nasa entabladong kalalakihan na nagsasayawan, maraming bagay ang sumagi sa aking isipan. This is so high school. Like Blue Onion days. Standing in a corner. Swaying from side to side. Occasionally, sipping beer. Trying to be more frugal. Looking at the crowd. Seeing mostly gorgeous people. Feeling insecure.  Smiling at the weirdness, sexiness, and horniness around. Very high school, indeed. The only difference is, this time, I could go home with a number or a guy. *sees a guy already staring.* Sabay tugtog ng Wrecking ball... Applause... at kung ano-ano pang kantang na-remix upang umakma sa mood na sayawan at gilingan. Just the other day, I was applauding in praise to the great Creator. Tonight, I'm applauding how those half-naked men are gyrating their hips. The other day, I was praising the beauty of His creation. Now, I'm praising how those...

[PBB teens-level. Pasensya na] Sa glass wall, malayo pa lang ay nakita ko na siya papalakad sa field. nakita ko siyang pumasok. [sana hindi siya lumapit, sana hindi siya lumapit, sana hindi siya lumapit. hindi ako ready] > Hi! - Oh Hi! (kunyari di ko siya nakitang pumasok) > San si…? Punta ba siya? - Ah, hindi daw. tinatamad ata siya . Shet!!! Andito si Crush! Grrrr! Nakapangbahay pa naman ako! Nakakahiya naman. Next time dapat laging ready. He’s soo professional-looking. jeez. haay. Crush. [some random small talk later] > sige una na ko. - bagsak ka naman niyan sa kama. [parang may something wrong sa sinabi ko] > ha? hindi siguro, nood pa ko ng live streaming, ay hindi live streaming. streaming lang pala ng volleyball game kanina. - ah.. ok.. ingat ka. [wag ka muna umalis. kape muna tayo!!!!] pagkaalis niya... type sa cellphone kay mutual friend  Single ba si ….? Pressed send. Did I really just text that?! lol oh shoo...

Last night I was supposed to meet a friend in a coffee shop. Half an our passed and I received a message from him saying that he would not be able to come. Wanting to finish transcribing my data, I just shrugged off being stood up and continued with my business. Minutes later, I found myself transferring from the couch area to the long table because the girl beside me just decided to air-dry her feet. The stench of her sweaty feet was giving me a headache. I really felt sorry for my nose for having to endure that disgusting odor. At the long table, I immediately noticed a good-looking guy across me. He seemed to work in a corporate setting judging from his attire of a combination of long sleeves and black slacks. As he was intently reading his book, I kept on stealing glances and just appreciating the pleasant face that he has. Even at first glance I already knew he was gay. I have a knack of being right ninety percent of the time thanks to my valid gaydar. With my earphon...

Mabilisang sabawan... **** Walang nangyari sa 'min. -Weh?! Naku. Alam ko na yang karakas mo. Kilala na kita. Agh!  Ano tingin mo sa 'kin?! Nakaka-offend yun ah. -Charot! hahaha **** Sa totoo lang, sa kanya ko lang unang narinig yung term na 'yun. Ayon sa pagkakapaliwanag niya sa akin at sa pagkakainitindi ko ang karakas ay yung teknik mo o moves  mo na kadalasang ginagamit upang mambiktima magpa-enamor o magpahumaling ng isang tao. Eh ano naman kung may karakas ako. Palagay ko naman may kanya-kanya tayong moves para makabingwit e. Ayon sa kanila, eto raw karakas ko: 1. Makikipagkaibigan - [wala naman masamang makipagkaibigan di ba?!] 2. Mag-aaya ng kape-kape, inom, o akyat ng bundok - [it's my way of getting to know that person. yung kami lang. far from influence of others. Nothing wrong about knowing what he likes or dislikes, right?!] 3. Mahilig daw ako maghawak ng kamay. Touchy ba. - [well, wala ako magagawa it's in my nature and professi...

Ang bawat taon ay nag-iiwan sa atin ng mga alaala at mga aral na bago lang or marahil ay nalimutan na natin sa pagdaan ng panahon. Ang patapos na taon ay hindi naiiba. Bawat araw ay isang pagsubok ng ating pagkatao at paniniwala. Pamamaalam Hindi naging maganda ang bungad ng taon na ito sa akin dahil sa pamamaalam ng isang taong naging bahagi na ng aming pamilya. Nang sumakabilang-buhay ang aking amain nagbago ang lahat sa amin. Kinailangan kong maging matatag para sa aking ina para magabayan at suportahan siya habang siya ay nagdadalamhati. Hindi madali para sa isang anak na makita niyang nalulungkot ang taong inaasahan niyang magiging malakas para sa kanya. Pero sa awa ng Diyos at sa tulong na rin ng malalapit na kaibigan, unti-unti kaming nakabangon at nagpapatuloy ng aming buhay. Propesyon Noong nakaraang taon ay hindi ko masyadong nagamit ang propesyon ko dahil pinagtuunan ko ng pansin ang aking pag-aaral. Ngunit dahil na rin sa mga pangyayari sa pasok ng taon...

Napag-isip-isip ko lang noong isang araw na ang laki rin pala ng naitulong ng pag-blog at tweet sa buhay ko. Totoo. Noon, tulad ng nasabi ko na sa   Why I blog post ko, nagsimula ako mag-blog just to let out steam and share some personal and intimate stories. Sinimulan ko siya out of sheer boredom dahil nasa kabilang bahagi ako ng mundo, malayo sa aking mga kaibigan. Di nagtagal naging hobby na rin siya na mahirap alisin. Lalo pa akong nahumaling sa pag-blog nang nagsimula na ang pagdating ng followers na sinundan ng comments. Di ko naman naisip noon na magkaroon ng tagasubaybay dahil gusto ko lang naman talaga magsulat. Pero aminin ninyo, ang sarap lang magbukas ng blog tapos makikita mong tumataas yung stats mo lalo na kung may nag-iwan ng comment kahit "nice post" lang yung sinabi niya. Nakaka-good vibes lang kahit papaano. Nang nakisali na rin ako sa pagtalon ng ibang bloggers sa twitter lalo naman akong natuwa. Kasi kita mo na agad in real time kung ano nan...

Conversation with a friend... Ayaw ko na nga ng fubu. gusto ko na ng relasyon. haays. haha drama E ang taas kaya ng standards mo.. pano kaya yun??? hahaha Ewan ko. basta. anjan ka pa naman e. kaw na yung malapit sa pagiging bf sa buhay ko hahaha *Thought* Mas mahirap kayang maghanap ng karelasyon kung kuntento at masaya ka na sa nakukuha mong atensyon at pagtingin sa mga kaibigan mo? Kasi inisip ko, sa ayaw mo man o hindi, maikukumpara mo ang relasyon mo sa malapit mong kaibigan sa taong tipo mo. Ewan ko. Naisip ko lang.

Kamakailan lang ay nadagdagan na naman ang bilang ng aking gulang. Hindi na mapagkakaila na tumatanda na talaga ako sa bente-syete. Masaya ko namang ipinagdiwang ang araw na ito sa pamamagitan ng pagsalubong sa aking kaarawan kasama ng malalapit na kaibigan. Tunay ngang naging masaya ang pagsalubong namin - kain sa buffet at inom ng mga banyagang alak na noon ko lang nakita. Simple ngunit may kurot pa rin. Ngunit sa aking pagsalubong, hindi ko naiwasang malungkot nang bahagya. Naisip ko, sa gulang kong ito, ano na ba ang narating ko? Nadadagdagan ako ng taon ngunit hindi naman nadagdagan ang mga nagagawa ko sa buhay. Parang ganoon pa rin, walang pagbabago. Nabulalas ko ito nang sandali sa aking kasama sa hotel room nang kinamusta niya ko. Ngunit sa alaalang iyon ang aking kaarawan, pinapaliban ko muna ang isipang iyon. Kailangan masaya ako, bulong ko sa sarili. Sinaglitan kong binisita ang facebook. Nagulat ako sa aking nakita; ang mga kamag-aral ko noong kolehiyo ay g...

I tried to declutter the room since I didn't do anything productive today. On the shelf, I found a piece of paper with something written at the back. It looked like some quotes my sister copied from her phone and wrote it down. Since the quotes were something you can advice others with, I was inspired to put it into graphics. Here are two of my favorites.

Sister went home this afternoon accompanied by a male coworker (MC). MC is tall, seemed fit and good-looking. I was inside the kitchen preparing lunch. When I peeked into the living room, I saw MC playing with the nephew. He seemed to be enjoying being with the kid and my nephew seemed be having fun as well. It was a good sight to see. Then, cue day dream... I see me and my partner (and maybe child) going home every Sundays to have lunch with my mother. My sister along with her husband and my nephew arriving with their own prepped food. We'll all be sitting around one big table having a great time with each other - our partners getting some beers, our children playing, and us having a meaningful conversation. It will be like in a scene from Brothers and Sisters or 7th Heaven. I know that dream would be impossible to happen. But I'm still optimistic.

Sometimes storms come into our lives. And most of the time, they come without warning. You'd think that everything is fine, that the day would turn out to be sunshiny. But all of a sudden, there are big dark clouds covering the skies. It creates an overcast over your once pleasant and content lives. Then the storm hits. The storm brings heavy rains and stron winds. It destroys everything in its path. Nothing is spared. And since it came by surprise, nothing is saved. What else can one do after a disaster but to move on. Our lives should not stop after such incidents. Dreams should still be made come true. But moving on doesn't happen as fast as a storm can unleash its fury into our lives. Moving on takes time. We cannot tell someone to just move on and expect him to drop everything and go on with his life. We must acknowledge whatever he is feeling for feelings are always valid. Someone who just experienced loss can feel whatever he wants to feel, say whatever he wants ...

While watching the History channel this evening, I saw a preview of a show called America's Book of Secrets. As soon as I read and heard those words, I suddenly remembered something. I did once possess my very own Book of Secrets. Well, it was more like a Filler of Secrets but even so, it still contained all my secrets, dark secrets that I haven't told a single soul at that time. Before, I remember saying to a friend that I am the perfect person to share secrets to because I'm very forgetful. I would have forgotten a secret you have confided to me months after you've shared it. The forgetfulness prompted me to write all the secrets that I keep. Now looking back, having to write one's secrets in a thin, small book seemed to be a very bad idea. Now, I can't remember where I hid it. I can't even remember the things, all the promiscuity and curiousity, I wrote there. Should my relatives find my secrets I'm pretty sure all hell will break loose. 

Ewan ko. Sa aming magkakaibigan parang ako lang ata ang mas nag-enjoy sa highschool kesa sa college. Siguro dahil marami akong nagawa noong highschool, mas naging totoo ako noong highschool, mas active at mas sikat ako noong highschool, at higit sa lahat, sa highschool ko nakilala ang ilan sa pinakamalalapit at pinakapinapahalagahan kong kaibigan. Kaya eto ang ilan sa mga namiss ko noong highschool. GINPOM Hindi ako sigurado kung dahil uso yun noon or kung dahil yun lang ang alam namin inumin, pero sa  dalas naming nag-iinuman sa bahay ng tropa namin, di mawawala ang gin + any powedered drink. MINDORO SLING pic from tanduay Maliban sa Gin+fruit drink ay nahumalingan din namin ang Mindoro sling. Di na namin kelangan pang dumayo ng mindoro para matikman ito. Dito lang malapit sa amin ay mayroon kaming naging tambayan kung saan naging paborito namin ito, kapares ng kropek o sizzling hotdogs.  TAMBAY, YOSI, KAPE Bago pa man mauso ang ban ng yosihan sa mall...

"Given the chance to go back in time, would you try to change what you did or still do the same and take the risk?" "Siguro, I'll still do the same. Naging masaya naman... Yeah, I'll do the same." May gusto pa akong itanong sa kanya noong tanghaling iyon. Gusto kong itanong kung ang kasayahan na naranasan niya noon ay higit pa sa nararanasan niyang kalungkutan ngayon. Ngunit pinigilan ko na ang sarili ko. Ang nangingilid na luha sa kanyang mga mata ang tila sumagot sa katanungan ko. Dama ko ang katotohanan sa kanyang mga salita. Ngunit dama ko rin ang kulungkutang di na niya kailangan sabihin. Nang araw na iyun ay naging taenga at balikat ako sa isang taong nagmahal at nasaktan. Isang taong sinuko ang lahat para sa kanyang mahal. Nang walang kasiguraduhan. Ngunit nang wala ring alinlangan. Bagamat ganoon man ang nangyari ay naging matatag pa rin siya sa pagharap sa buhay. Nagdurugo man ang puso at nalulungkot sa bawat gabing lumipas, pinipilit pa r...

Minsan pag nagkakaroon ka ng SO (significant other) or SS (special someone) sa buhay mo, di ninyo maiwasang magkaroon ng tawagan or pet names. Classic example nun ay love, darling, mahal, pangga, beau, boo, bubba at kung ano-ano pa. So papatalo ba ko. hehe DK - naging DK kasi pareho naming nickname sa bahay ay nagsisimula sa D, so ibig sabihin niyan ay D** Ko. oh di ba, baduy. haha simula pa lang yan. Han - derived from my other name. When he first texted me, and addressesed me with this name, I thought he was just lazy typing. So I replied with the same name, and everything started from there. Mahal - Ito yung wala lang maisip na tawagan kaya nakiuso na lang sa mahal-mahal na tawagan. Soulmate - Ang dami kasi naming things in common kaya napagtanto naming soulmates kami. Though he's miles away, may pagkakaintindihan kami somehow. At excited ako makilala siya nang personal, like super personal. haha Big / little bear - Okay, siguro madali ng isipin kung sino si big bear...