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May kirot pa rin pala

The other day my most recent ex (MRE) messaged me. Actually, he replied in my story. My story was about the 4-year photo trend and his comment was to post the year we were together. Even joked to him "the one with you?"

He just laughed at it and I did too. Then, I replied something that I later realized was a mistake. I asked him how he was.

  • MRE: oks naman
  • Me: that's good.
  • MRE: lol. Super happy naman.

I should have stopped there.

  • Me: Juicy! Sino naman nagpa-supper happy sayo?
  • MRE: Lol. De found na someone. hehehe la lang SKL

I was so dumb with text acronyms nowadays. If I have understood it right away. I would have replied with something polite to end the conversation.

  • Me: Di ko gets. You found someone? Ano yung SKL?
  • MRE: Found a new partner ne hehe After 5 years. lol SKL = Share Ko Lang

That led to a long conversation about our relationship that started from him asking me what his "toxic" traits were when we were together. I remember asking him this very same question before when I was reassessing my life. Back then he didn't want to answer. So why was he expecting me to answer it now? Probably he likes the guy so much that he didn't want to screw things up.

Anyway, what I wanted to let out was that in everything that was said during that conversation, the moral was I still have feelings for him somehow. Though it's been 6 years, I still have that pinch of hope in me for us. 

That conversation drained me somehow. Yes, I am happy for him and I do feel he deserves it. Yet, a part of me died a little. Old wounds which I thought were now healed but instead were just covered with scabs, were reopened. Conversations that were meant to have happened 6 years ago were also just taking place. I wish I knew then what he told me to know, was what I was feeling.

PS. Just a note for my future self. According to MRE, when he asks questions, it seems my answers weren't clear, or when he asks questions, he felt I was doubting him. So, learn to communicate your feelings well. Don't be ambiguous. Say and ask things straight.

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