Skip to main content

May kirot pa rin pala

The other day my most recent ex (MRE) messaged me. Actually, he replied in my story. My story was about the 4-year photo trend and his comment was to post the year we were together. Even joked to him "the one with you?"

He just laughed at it and I did too. Then, I replied something that I later realized was a mistake. I asked him how he was.

  • MRE: oks naman
  • Me: that's good.
  • MRE: lol. Super happy naman.

I should have stopped there.

  • Me: Juicy! Sino naman nagpa-supper happy sayo?
  • MRE: Lol. De found na someone. hehehe la lang SKL

I was so dumb with text acronyms nowadays. If I have understood it right away. I would have replied with something polite to end the conversation.

  • Me: Di ko gets. You found someone? Ano yung SKL?
  • MRE: Found a new partner ne hehe After 5 years. lol SKL = Share Ko Lang

That led to a long conversation about our relationship that started from him asking me what his "toxic" traits were when we were together. I remember asking him this very same question before when I was reassessing my life. Back then he didn't want to answer. So why was he expecting me to answer it now? Probably he likes the guy so much that he didn't want to screw things up.

Anyway, what I wanted to let out was that in everything that was said during that conversation, the moral was I still have feelings for him somehow. Though it's been 6 years, I still have that pinch of hope in me for us. 

That conversation drained me somehow. Yes, I am happy for him and I do feel he deserves it. Yet, a part of me died a little. Old wounds which I thought were now healed but instead were just covered with scabs, were reopened. Conversations that were meant to have happened 6 years ago were also just taking place. I wish I knew then what he told me to know, was what I was feeling.

PS. Just a note for my future self. According to MRE, when he asks questions, it seems my answers weren't clear, or when he asks questions, he felt I was doubting him. So, learn to communicate your feelings well. Don't be ambiguous. Say and ask things straight.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mga ilang tagpo ng gabing iyon

Sa mga oras na iyon, tipong game na lang kaming magkakaibigan kung anong mangyari. Inumpisahan kasi nung isang guy na tumingin sa aming direksyon sa may Starbucks sa Greenfield. Tipong nag-uusap kaming magkakaibigan doon sa labas na tables nang sabay-sabay kaming napatingin sa isang lalaking dumaan. Sabay-sabay kaming nagtawanan nang mahuli kami. Pero ang nakakapagtaka ay kahit makalagpas na siya, ilang ulit pa rin ang dungaw niya sa amin. Eh di parang, "trip ata tayo noon." Sinundan namin ng tingin yung guy hanggang sa nakumbinse namin yung isa naming kaibigan na sundan siya talaga para ayaing makipagkape or whatever. Bumalik si friend na hindi bitbit si Kuya. Ang pangalawang tagpo ay noong papalakad na kami sa EDSA kung saan sasakay ang mga kaibigan ko. Tinagos namin ang Greenfield papunta sa direction ng Rob Forum. Sa bandang Flair pa lang may nakipagtitigan na sa aming lalaki. Yung isa naming kaibigan ang tumawag sa aming atensyon. Sabi niya, tigil lang daw muna kami a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Before Coming Out

Lately, I've been thinking of coming out. It's like I want to free of myself of the burden of keeping my identity a secret. But before I come out, I just have some personal conditions I need to accomplish first. I won't be doing these things just to earn people's approval on my lifestyle but more for me being comfortable in the path I've chosen to live.
23 comments
Read more

What 2012 taught me..

Yesterday night, my friends and I went out for dinner. During our talk a friend suggested to share our year-end evaluations. Since I've already blogged about how my year went, I was quick to answer his question. His next topic was to complete the statement: 2012 taught me to.... I haven't really thought of the lessons or general theme of the closing year so I got to think about my answer. And here's what I shared. "2012 taught me to just keep on trying. Maybe I'll succeed, maybe I won't. No matter what the outcome may be, what's important is that I have tried that I have exerted effort to reach my dream. Even though I take things a day at a time, not really making long term plans, I still have goals for whatever opportunities and I would make every step to take advantage of that chance. I believe that it's better to have tried (in love, in career, and in life) than to regret not trying at all." So that's it. And with this, I end my 2012 ...
15 comments
Read more