[ConcertSeries] Wherever you will go

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Dahil matagal ko na ring pinangarap maging isang concert artist, dito ko na lang ilalabas ang frustration ko. My original plan was to embed the audio. But since it failed (or i just didn't know how that worked), I just opted to use YouTube. At sa pagmamadali ko, mali pa ang title ng song sa video. Yung audio na lang ang pagtuunan ninyo ng pansin. So now, without further adieu, the first installment to my concert series. haha. Hope you enjoy.

*so okay. naipost ko pala siya nang naka-private ang video. ngayon, public na :D
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Not Now

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Him: 'Wag muna ngayon, di ko pa siyang kaya makita.
Me: Di ka pa ready? Paanong di ka ready, e ikaw nga yung nakipaghiwalay?
Him: Basta 'di muna ngayon.

***

Ngayon naiinitindihan ko na ang ibig niyang sabihin. Mayroon rin palang pagkakataong kahit ikaw ang tumapos (ng realsyon) ay ikaw rin ang nasasaktan. Sa kaso naman niya, sabi niya he fell out of love. Akalain mo yun, ang four years ng pagsasama ay parang nabalewala lang. Parang gusto daw niyang makakilala ng ibang tao. At nakakilala na nga raw siya. Pero sabi niya, ngayon daw parang kinakarma na siya. Yung bago daw niyang partner ay parang di naman siya ganoon ka mahal tulad noong ex niya. At ngayon, parang siya naman daw ang head-over-heels sa guy.

As for me, I guess it hurt when he texted me one day. Sinabi niya sa akin na gusto daw niyang maging magkaibigan kami dahil may pinagsamahan naman daw kame kahit papaano. Sabi rin niya na 'wag daw ako mag-alala dahil okey na daw siya kasi naka-move-on na siya. At that point, I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy that he has moved on or be crazy mad that he already moved on. Ang sa akin kasi parang walang katuturan yung paghihiwalay namin. Wala bang naging impact yun sa kanya na parang okay na siya ngayon. Hindi naman sa gusto ko siyang turuan ng aral kaya ako nakipaghiwalay, ginawa ko yun dahil hindi ko na gusto yung nagiging ako kapag kasama ko siya. [mahaba-habang diskusyon 'to] Anyway, my point is, ano nga ba point ko. Hayun, pag nakipagkita ako sa kanya at makipagkaibigan, e di ibig sabihin lang noon na wala siyang nagawang pagkakamali sa akin noon. Sabi nga nila forgive but never forget because if you forget, you risk committing the same mistake again. I have forgiven but I won't forget.
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Relation

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Because I am super busy, as in like, I have no more time left for anything else but to do the important things I need to do, I was able to stalk people in Facebook.

Why do people usually stalk other people, aside from having all the time in the world to waste? Well, they can be either curious or obsessed. I don't think... nah... I don't think I'm obsessing, so I guess I am just curious - curious to see their real face, curious to read about their interests or hobbies and curious to see who their friends are. Ultimately, I guess I just want to put a face to the stories and tweets I have been reading for so long.

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This Time

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Saw him earlier today. I waited outside his workplace. This time, I wasn't giddy nor excited to see him. It was just okay.

I met him at the side of the street with just a simple hello. This time, there were no quarrels nor affectionate words exchanged.

I handed him his card, something that was still with me even after it was over. Now that everything has been returned, this time is the last.

"Bye, mag-i-in na ako."
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Today's Thoughts

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Convenience vs Love vs Familiarity

Compliance vs Commitment
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Daydream

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I was in a living room. I am not sure if it was a loft-type condominium or a house. Everybody, all the guys, were having a drink - beer, wine, juice - maybe, I can't tell. I remember feeling excited to attend the party.  "Don't talk to someone you don't know," I heard someone shout. In my head: What gives? I thought we're here to get to know each other. Then the host gathered all the guests together. He welcomed everyone. Then he pulled out a number of papers. He passed it around and asked us to get one each. As I looked at the paper, I saw a list of names. The names were very familiar. I got excited as read through all of it. These are the people I knew through their blogs. Then I got the idea what we're supposed to do. It was a human bingo game - an ice-breaker. The host began to explain the mechanics of the game. Listed are usernames of all the attendees, then each participant should guess who's username it belongs to by going around and talking to everyone without asking what their username is. Clever, I thought. Then my phone. I got out of my dream and walked out of the store. 
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Organizing

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Today I organized the stuff in my room, inside my closet, in the drawers, and in my bags. I was hoping that after I eliminate the clutter in my surroundings, I could start organizing my life. External to internal, as they say. Hope this works.
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Weird Afternoon Dream

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i was here in our house in Laguna staring out the window. when out of the clouds I noticed a dark smoke emerging. I stood up and looked at the object closely. it wasn't a smoke after all. it was an aircraft, a plane of some sort and it was spinning out of control. I thought of taking out my camera but I couldn't remember where I put it so I just looked at the plane again so that I could retell it to my friends and the press  in case they interview me. When I turned my head to the aircraft's direction I was stunned. It was falling off the sky fast, and it was being moving in my direction, towards our house. I could run away. I just froze. It was just like I was accepting my impending doom. But luckily as the plane spun towards our house it was deflected or maybe stirred away from me. Then I remembered, my nephew and his yaya was in the other room. I rushed to them to alert of them of the falling objects towards us. But when I reached their room, the first aircraft was already spinning away from us. And the second aircraft scratched our house just a bit, the sound   enough to wake up my nephew.


Here comes the weird part. As the second plane moved away from us, it was engulfed by a massive cloud, a cumulonimbus cloud perhaps. It was producing bolts of lightning and deafening sounds of thunder. And then the clouds and lightning slowly formed an image of a grandmother and her grandchild. She was carrying her and cuddling her as they lay down in bed. And the thunder became speech, words. Our yaya dicephered it as hilagaynon. Though I don't know how she knew that.

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Ex-lovers, Friends No More

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"Don't text me anymore.."I finally said to him. 

I therefore conclude that ex-lovers cannot be friends unless they were friends before they became lovers.

I guess it's hard to move on after a break up if you and your ex are still keeping in touch. There would be days where you can say that you have already moved on being busy with work and other aspects of your life. But the moment you receive a text message from him like simple hi's or "musta," it all comes back even though you don't want to, but it just does. Love doesn't disappear just like that. Love, if it was really love or if there was a sincere genuine care, it will surely linger.

Anyway, in my case, it did linger. And every time he sends me a text message, I still feel the same giddy feeling I had when we were still together. But along with that same giddiness is the same feeling of mistrust and disappointment I felt then. It's not just love that lingers, hurt from the relation also does. So I guess we could never really be friends after that.

Honestly I really wanted to be friends with him. It's just that whenever he texts there's always a subtle hint of wanting to reconcile. Yes, I miss him. But I don't miss him that much that I want us to get back together. I just wanted to be friends for friendship's sake. But I guess he thinks otherwise. He's still acting the same way like before. The same trait that made me break it off. It made me remember what an acquaintance told me, if you broke it off with someone, why would you get back together? There's already something that didn't work out between the two of you, it probably still be there when you get back together. Well, he's right there still that something that remained. Something off.

So I guess that's that.
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