Closet Clutters

Kamakailan lang ay nadagdagan na naman ang bilang ng aking gulang. Hindi na mapagkakaila na tumatanda na talaga ako sa bente-syete. Masaya ko namang ipinagdiwang ang araw na ito sa pamamagitan ng pagsalubong sa aking kaarawan kasama ng malalapit na kaibigan. Tunay ngang naging masaya ang pagsalubong namin - kain sa buffet at inom ng mga banyagang alak na noon ko lang nakita. Simple ngunit may kurot pa rin. Ngunit sa aking pagsalubong, hindi ko naiwasang malungkot nang bahagya. Naisip ko, sa gulang kong ito, ano na ba ang narating ko? Nadadagdagan ako ng taon ngunit hindi naman nadagdagan ang mga nagagawa ko sa buhay. Parang ganoon pa rin, walang pagbabago. Nabulalas ko ito nang sandali sa aking kasama sa hotel room nang kinamusta niya ko. Ngunit sa alaalang iyon ang aking kaarawan, pinapaliban ko muna ang isipang iyon. Kailangan masaya ako, bulong ko sa sarili. Sinaglitan kong binisita ang facebook. Nagulat ako sa aking nakita; ang mga kamag-aral ko noong kolehiyo ay g...

Yan ang kadalasang tanong sa akin ng mga taong nakakasalamuha ko. Minsan wala lang para sa akin. Minsan kinakabahan ako dahil baka naghihinala na sila sa aking pagkatao. Minsan nama'y naiinis na ko sa pagtatanong nila nang paulit-ulit para bang nanghihimasok na sa buhay ko. Siyempre ang mga nagtatanong nito sa akin ay iyong mga taong iniisip pa rin nila ay straight ako - mga kamag-anak, mga kaibigang lalaki at babaeng, mga katrabaho, at mga kakilala sa simbahan. Sa dalas na natatanong yan sa akin, hindi ko na pinag-iisapan sila ng masama kung bakit biglang natanong nila 'yon. Kaya sa lahat ng nagtatanong sa akin, isa na lang ang sagot ko. "Career muna bago girlfriend." Straight man o hindi, valid naman din para sa akin iyong dahilan ko. Bakit? Una, ayaw ko munang pumasok sa isang relasyon nang hindi ako panatag kung pera ang pag-uusapan. Ayaw ko yung sa tuwing lalabas kayo, iisipin mo kung saan makakatipid o kung ano ang pedeng gawin sa limitadong bud...

I tried to declutter the room since I didn't do anything productive today. On the shelf, I found a piece of paper with something written at the back. It looked like some quotes my sister copied from her phone and wrote it down. Since the quotes were something you can advice others with, I was inspired to put it into graphics. Here are two of my favorites.

Sister went home this afternoon accompanied by a male coworker (MC). MC is tall, seemed fit and good-looking. I was inside the kitchen preparing lunch. When I peeked into the living room, I saw MC playing with the nephew. He seemed to be enjoying being with the kid and my nephew seemed be having fun as well. It was a good sight to see. Then, cue day dream... I see me and my partner (and maybe child) going home every Sundays to have lunch with my mother. My sister along with her husband and my nephew arriving with their own prepped food. We'll all be sitting around one big table having a great time with each other - our partners getting some beers, our children playing, and us having a meaningful conversation. It will be like in a scene from Brothers and Sisters or 7th Heaven. I know that dream would be impossible to happen. But I'm still optimistic.

"You did break up. But you guys are back together now. I won't dwell on what happened or ask why or who did what. I'm just curious. What was it that you felt or heard from someone, or saw that made you realize that getting back together was the best thing to do?" I forgot to ask that to my friend who after breaking up with his boyfriend is now back in each others arms. They seemed to be sincerely happy in their relationship. So i guess there's truth in the saying " love is sweeter the second time around. " But there's another school of thought in break-ups. And this is something I generally believe in. They say that you should never get back with your ex because there's a great chance that what caused your break-up is still there - may it be an attitude, a feeling, or an underlying issue, it's bound to be brought up eventually. So now I wonder, if there's such a thing as reconciliation, what could be the circumstances that ...

Sometimes storms come into our lives. And most of the time, they come without warning. You'd think that everything is fine, that the day would turn out to be sunshiny. But all of a sudden, there are big dark clouds covering the skies. It creates an overcast over your once pleasant and content lives. Then the storm hits. The storm brings heavy rains and stron winds. It destroys everything in its path. Nothing is spared. And since it came by surprise, nothing is saved. What else can one do after a disaster but to move on. Our lives should not stop after such incidents. Dreams should still be made come true. But moving on doesn't happen as fast as a storm can unleash its fury into our lives. Moving on takes time. We cannot tell someone to just move on and expect him to drop everything and go on with his life. We must acknowledge whatever he is feeling for feelings are always valid. Someone who just experienced loss can feel whatever he wants to feel, say whatever he wants ...

Walking with the crowd. Crossing the street. I see a lot of cute guys. One by one, I looked at them. Young professionals. Students. Regular employees. Then I wonder. From the hundreds of people I've met in my lifetime, how come I couldn't find Mr. Right For Me? Where is he? The questions just kept on going. Did he already come? Was I just too busy that I didn't notice him? Was I ready when he came? As we reached the other side of the street, the crowd slowly dispersed. Each going to their respective destinations. I was left walking still. Alone. Still with the questions in my mind. And playing what if's. What if...                I was already stable when they came into my life? What if...                I was ready to be in a relationship? What if...                 I have the resources to go on dates? What if...           ...

While watching the History channel this evening, I saw a preview of a show called America's Book of Secrets. As soon as I read and heard those words, I suddenly remembered something. I did once possess my very own Book of Secrets. Well, it was more like a Filler of Secrets but even so, it still contained all my secrets, dark secrets that I haven't told a single soul at that time. Before, I remember saying to a friend that I am the perfect person to share secrets to because I'm very forgetful. I would have forgotten a secret you have confided to me months after you've shared it. The forgetfulness prompted me to write all the secrets that I keep. Now looking back, having to write one's secrets in a thin, small book seemed to be a very bad idea. Now, I can't remember where I hid it. I can't even remember the things, all the promiscuity and curiousity, I wrote there. Should my relatives find my secrets I'm pretty sure all hell will break loose.