Bits of Wisdom

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In my earlier post, I have written moments in 2013 that one way or another made an impact in my life. Those moments shaped me and molded my thoughts in what I am and have today. Now, I want to list down some bits of learnings I have picked up and realized throughout the year. Since life on the other side (meaning, outside Mamon) has been all the same, these notes were derived and lifted from events with and of people from twitterlandia and the blogosphere.

1. There's no harm in hoping and seeing the good in people but you just have to prepare yourself for anything that might come; people aren't perfect. Disappointments and frustrations may occur.

2. Poison in friendship (read: lasunan) should and must be avoided at all cost. [unless, there's a clear agreement of terms and expectations.]

3. Being sweet in DM, PM & texts does not translate sweetness or even liking in real life. Even if something happens between the both of you, live or online, that still doesn't mean anything.

4. As easy as it is to follow and "friend" a person online, blocking is just the same. Discard unnecessary entities in your life.

5. There's still hope in finding true friends online. They are precious and rare as diamonds. Once you found them, you'll gain treasures of laughter and moments with them.

6. Gay by association. Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you they're gay and so are you. Birds of the same feather love birds [and sausages] too.

7. People who seek attention will create conflict with everyone. Don't give them the fame they yearn; just ignore them.





A prosperous new year to all of us! :D
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Sa tapos ng taon

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Ang bawat taon ay nag-iiwan sa atin ng mga alaala at mga aral na bago lang or marahil ay nalimutan na natin sa pagdaan ng panahon. Ang patapos na taon ay hindi naiiba. Bawat araw ay isang pagsubok ng ating pagkatao at paniniwala.


Pamamaalam

Hindi naging maganda ang bungad ng taon na ito sa akin dahil sa pamamaalam ng isang taong naging bahagi na ng aming pamilya. Nang sumakabilang-buhay ang aking amain nagbago ang lahat sa amin. Kinailangan kong maging matatag para sa aking ina para magabayan at suportahan siya habang siya ay nagdadalamhati. Hindi madali para sa isang anak na makita niyang nalulungkot ang taong inaasahan niyang magiging malakas para sa kanya. Pero sa awa ng Diyos at sa tulong na rin ng malalapit na kaibigan, unti-unti kaming nakabangon at nagpapatuloy ng aming buhay.


Propesyon

Noong nakaraang taon ay hindi ko masyadong nagamit ang propesyon ko dahil pinagtuunan ko ng pansin ang aking pag-aaral. Ngunit dahil na rin sa mga pangyayari sa pasok ng taon at sa pangungulit ng aking agency napilitan akong mamasukan ulit. Nakakatuwa dahil maliban sa aking trabaho sa ospital, nagkakaroon din ako ng paminsan-minsang raket kung saan nakakapunta ako sa iba't ibang lugar kung saan ako kailanganin - naging assessor, lecturer, on-call, at event medical personnel. Ang masarap pa sa mga out of town trips, libre na nga transpo at lodge, may kita ka pa.  


Kaalaman

Pinagpatuloy ko ang aking pag-aaral. Ngayon ay nasa kalagitnaan na ako ng paggawa ng aking thesis. At sa susunod na taon ay inaasahan ko na ang aking pag-graduate at pagmartsa sa entablado. Ang isa pa sa nagpasaya sa akin ngayong taon bilang isang mag-aaral ay ang paggiging US ko. Hindi man ako naging dean's list noon, naging US naman ako kahit sa isang semester lang. :)

Akyat

Buti naman at nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong makaakyat sa tatlong bundok ngayong taon. Isa ay sa bundok na hindi ko pa napupuntahan noon. Ni-request ko talaga ito sa aming grupo na akyatin. At yung isa ay kasama ang mga tao sa twitter na sina Kiko at GK. Naging masaya ang akyat kasama ang mga tweeps kaya napag-isipan kong magandang gawin iyon ng mas madalas.


Usapang Puso

Marami na rin akong nakilala at naka-date ngayong taon ngunit marahil hindi pa ito ang tamang oras para doon. Dama ko naman - mula sa ilan -  na totoo ang nararamdaman nila para sa akin. Ngunit marahil ako mismo ang lumayo dahil natakot akong hindi masuklian ang ganoong pagtingin nila sa akin. Ngayon taon ko rin naranasan ang sa pagkabigo. Nakakatuwa lang mapagtanto at maranasan kung gaano talaga kabilog ang mundo. Naniniwala naman akong nariyan lang yung taong nababagay para sa isang tulad ko.


Lipad at Gala

Maliban sa mga akyat, nakapaglamyerda rin ako ngayon taon. Nakarating ako ng Malaysia sa simula ng taon kasama ng isa sa mga pinakamatalik kong kaibigan. Bago matapos ang taon, nakapaglibot din ako ng Baguio (na hindi ko naman nagawa noong umakyat kami ng bundok sa Benguet) kasama ng ilang blogero.


Safe

Ngayon taon ko rin unang naranasang magpa-test. Hinarap ko ang takot ng pagpapatest sa tulong na rin ng mga taong nakilala ko sa twitter na sinamahan ako sa proseso. Dahil na rin pamilyar na ko sa The LoveYourself mas naging komportable ako. 


Pangarap

Ngayon din nagsimula ang pagtutupad ng aking pangarap na makapagtrabaho sa ibang bansa. Halos kalahati ng taon ang ginugol ko sa pag-aayos ng mga kailangan at paggawa ng mga nararapat upang matugunan ang mga kagustuhan ng agency ko. Tanging ipinagdadasal ko na lang ay sana maganda ang pasok ng taon para sa akin. Lahat naman ng ginagawa ko ay hindi lang para sa akin, higit ito para sa aking pamilya.


Online hanggang Offline

Noong nakaraang taon nagsimula ang pagpapakilala ko sa piling mga tao sa twitter at blog. Naging masaya naman ang karanasan kong ito kaya naman pinagpatuloy ko ang pagkita sa ilang mga taong nais rin ako makilala. Dito ko nakasama at nakilala ang ilan sa pinakamalalapit at totoo kong kaibigan. At dahil sa kanila kaya hindi pa rin ako nawawalan ng gana sa nasabing sites.


Napakarami pang bagay na nangyari sa taong ito na kaya pang daigin ang mga eksena sa sine o sa tv - mula rated G hanggang SPG. Marami rin talagang pagkakataong susubukin ang pagkatao mo at paniniwala mo. Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat, nandoon pa rin ang pasasalamat sa mga itinuro ng ating karanasan upang tayo ay lumago bilang isang matibay at matatag na nilalang. At pinakamahalaga sa lahat, nandoon din ang paniniwala at pag-asang ang susunod na taon ay mas magiging matiwasay o kung hindi man, ay mas mapapadali dahil sa mga aral na ating natutunan.


Salamat 2013 at maligayang pagdating sa 2014 :)


PS: Oo nga pala, makalipas ang dalawang taon, 100 na followers ko! wuhoo! Magpapa-raffle ako! hahaha choz lang :)
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Misconceived Actions

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I remember my initial reaction - sincere happiness. I was happy for him, for having found that one special person he would love; someone he won't grow tired loving. And most especially, I was happy that he is happy.

But later on, I can't help but feel sad, sad that he is someone else's love; sad that it wasn't me. But mostly because I felt sorry for myself believing that we can be together, that there can be us.

This happened a long time ago. I had a crush on him the moment I saw his face. And I began to like him more as we get to spend more time with each other. He was good-looking, cool and very much masculine; traits that are a huge turn-on to me. I told myself that there is no way this guy would like someone like me. So I just settled to being his friend. That way, I can still be close to him.

But there came a time when things went further than friendship, well, at least that's what I thought it did. Something happened between us. I was hesitant at first but since it was what I wanted for so long and he seemed to wanted it too [at that time], who am I to resist, right?

It happened so fast. From that night on, we started to exchange sweet messages. I believed that there was something that could happen between us. We already had a pet name to call each other. I was so into him. And I think I told him that I liked him  even before I have met him. We looked forward to another chance to spending the night together.

But I was such a fool for playing it cool. I knew he was seeing other people. Still, I tried to block the emotions out and didn't let it bother me. It was my mistake for playing the supportive friend.

One night, I was just surprised to discovered that he's already taken and that it was very much serious.

I was just dumbfounded. I didn't know how to react. We were not a couple in the first place, so why should I be jealous? Why should I be angry? But I was just in so deep that it was hard not to feel broken.

And what's more heartbreaking was that his partner was someone who I had a thing with as well. (What happened to me and his partner was not the same as what happened to us. It was mostly rousing online videos and chats.)

****

So what's the point of this entry? Please don't get me wrong. I'm not being bitter.

I just what to remind myself of that time when I felt my heart break. It's just sad. It was an awful feeling. Maybe you'll wonder why I felt that way where in the first place, there was no commitment from any of us; no exclusivity; no agreement. But you have to understand. It was my emotion that I invested. Therefore, it is valid for me.

And more than feeling sad, I felt sorry for myself. Sorry for allowing myself to feel that way. Sorry for letting someone come in too close. Sorry for being so vulnerable.

It wasn't their fault, obviously not. It was all on me. I was the idiot one hoping and believing for something so far-fetched. Both of them stable, both good-looking. They're perfect for each other.

As for me, I learned a lot from this experience. No matter how hard you try to guard your heart, there will come a person who'll let all those chains loose. And when that moment comes, you'll be vulnerable You won't even notice you're already baring your soul. It would be a nice ride. You'll feel blissful, heavenly, even. However when the heartache comes, it will take you by surprise. You'll think less of yourself, feel sorry for yourself, and eventually question if you're still worthy of any love. You'll cry alone. You'll even cry in front of your friends. You'll laugh at your silliness, crying over a guy, in front of your friend, in a public place. But what's important is that you don't let go of yourself as you go through this tough times. Life goes on. There is nothing you can do about it and obviously nothing you can do about them. After you cry your heart out, block out everything that brings back those sad memories. Don't think it's sour graping. It's called moving forward. Remember that moving on is a choice. It is your choice who you want to keep in your life and who you discard. You write your own story. You decide it's ending. And dear, you'll know it's just about time to write a new chapter.


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All I Want for Christmas 2013

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I never really make a Christmas wishlist because I seldom get what I wish for. Plus, gift-giving is not really something that we do in the family. I always end up buying them for myself. But since I was tagged and this would be a nice reference to what I want to have, maybe not this Christmas, I'll just go along. :)

Tagged by Victor.  The rules are: 
1. Make a post entitled “All I Want For Christmas 2013” and use the photo above.
2. List 6 things that you want to receive as a gift.
3. Tag 3 friends who will make the same post (no tag backs).
4. Send me the link so I could check it too (optional).

image from here

1. Navi Planner. Alright not to be a copycat. But this is really what I want most for next year. I began to love the Navi Planner ever since I won one from a blog contest last 2011. So I used it ever since. It's a great way to keep tabs on special dates and plans for the month or the year. And also, I use it as a diary of sorts of what happened to me each day. I'm very much forgetful that's why this comes very handy to me. And as a bonus, it comes with loads of coupons to avail of discounts from their partner establishments


Image from here
2. Backpack. I need a sturdy backpack since I usually carry along with me my laptop and books for review. Maybe a Northface, or High Sierra or a Columbia bag will do. And I can use it as a dayhike backback too. As per design, I love the colorful ones.

3. Gym Membership. At any of those gyms with a lot of branches. More than increasing marketability, I want to get back in shape for my health.


image from here
4. Color Pants. I have pairs of red and violet pants, and I seem to like the change in my look. It's not the usual blue or black jeans. Having colored pants seems to give one a more lively vibe.


image from here
image from here
5. Shoes. Something to match the new pair of pants. I've always wanted those loafers, maybe some boat shoes or even sneakers - just something to spice up the wardrobe.


image from here
6. Reviewers. Since my exam is fast approaching, I would want the handy reviewers / flashcards that I could carry around with me. So that anytime I want to study or refresh my memory, I can just take it out and review.


As you can see, all that I wish are for personal and career growth. I think it's time to give myself more attention and not be distracted by irrational feelings of infatuation and, uhm, love. Here's to the best me this 2014 :)


I'd like to see your list:


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Not that it matters now

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I remember there were 7 or 8 of us boys in that room. It was an out-of-town trip organized by a school organization. The room had four double-decks; each of us having our own bed. On our last night of the week-long activities, we decided to join two of the double-decks and just sleep close to each other. Four on the upper beds and four of us on the beds below.

Before we all went to sleep, we decided to have some drinks and just talk about each other's lives. Here was when the fun began. We learned a lot more about each other than before. And that made us much more comfortable with each other.

The guy on my right was the first one to sleep. He seemed very tired from the day's activities. Then we all followed suit. In the middle of the night, I was awaken by some motion from the guy from my left side. My initial reaction was that he maybe masturbating. That got me curious and wide awake. As I observe in silence and closed eyes, that guy still shook his body and moved his legs as if he was squirming. But then I noticed that his right hand was on my left hand. We were holding each other's hands. So how the heck can he shake (or masturbate)?! He must have been using his left hand, right? But I know how a body shakes when one masturbates. Then, someone must be giving him a hand. Oh, it was guy from the far left, the other guy beside him! (I kinda caught a glimpse of it from my peripheral view)

Things did really begin to be interesting. The guy from the far left was masturbating the guy on my left. Of course, I wanted join in the fun. I turned to my left to face them and try to catch them in action. But the movement stopped. Guy on my left went to the loo. When he came back to bed, he laid on his belly.

Not to be stopped, I began to run my hands over his body and hugged him. I was hoping that the guy from the far left would join; but he just remained still. So my hand began to linger towards left guy's crotch. I didn't feel any objection, therefore, I just continued.

Left guy turned to his back and just laid there, allowing me full access to his groin. Without hesitation I began to masturbate him. I pumped his dick for quite some time. I kept on pausing because my arm began to cramp. When I can't pump no more, I just let him do it on his own. I just kept my hands circling on his body to arouse him. When he came, I did my signature move and squeezed his dick until all cum has come out. I guess it got a little out of hand that left guy became noisy and unruly in bed. That lead to the guy to speak up and say that we should keep it down coz we were quite noisy. Oh shit! Was he awake the whole time? Was he watching us since we started? Why didn't he join since it was him who first touched the guy in my left?

When morning came, the guy from the far left didn't speak to us. He was the only one that seemed to be different. When I tried to talk to him and apologize, he just shrugged it off. What I didn't understand was how come it was such a big deal to him, when it was him who initiated it with our buddy? Was he frustrated that I got to finish what he started? Was he frustrated that I didn't get to do to him what I did to our bunkmate? I really don't know. At that time, I can't seem to grasp the idea of him being so mad at us. Since then on, we didn't speak to each other until we graduate and went our separate ways. I haven't heard from him since. And I guess I won't ever hear his explanation. Not that it matters now.

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A poem

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Noon ay may isang bata
Kargada'y kurba't mataba
Ayaw niya noon ng pasukan
Hilig lang niya'y halika't subuan

Ngunit nang toro ay nasubukan
Ito ri'y parang nagustuhan
Nasubukan niyang pumasok
pati mapasok siya ring nasubok

Mapasukan unang naranasan
kakaiba man ngunit nasarapan
Nang siya nama'y inupuan
sa giling at indayog, agad siyang nilabasan

Ngunit dahil nga kargada'y mataba
Marami ang nalulula
Sa pagsubo sila'y umiiwas
At mapasukan, sila ay pass

Kaya ngayon ano ang gagawin ng bata
kung ganyang walang nais sumubo at magpatira
hahanap na lang ba siya ng power B
o kaya'y balik na lang siya sa matamis na kiliti.



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Players

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Minsan pakiramdam mong sobrang pamilyar mo na sa laro na tingin mo ay di ka na maiisahan o malalamangan. Pakiramdam mo na kahit bali-baliktarin man ang laro ay kaya mo itong ipanalo. Sabi mo sa sarili mo, dahili marami ka ng napagdaanan, wala ng makakapagpaikot sa'yo. Bagkos, ikaw pa ang magpapaikot sa kanila. Wala silang magagawa kapag ikaw na ang naglabas ng baraha.

Ngunit darating ang araw kung saan makakakilala ka ng tao na mas magaling at mas bihasa kaysa sa iyo. Mas magaling siyang dumiskarte at mas marami siyang alas. At pag sinumulan na niya ang paglabas ng kanyang baraha ay wala ka ng magagawa. Ang pagkatalo mo ay sigurado na. Uuwi ka na lang luhaan at nasasaktan. At ang tanging baon mo sa iyong pag-uwi ay ang aral na kahit anong galing mo makipaglaro, makakilala ka rin ng katapat mo o higit pa ang husay sa iyo. Kaya kahit bihasa ka man, dapat handa ka rin matalo, masaktan, at umiyak.


*****


Laro tayo! -
Sige! -
Ang laro ay Sweet-sweet-tan! Ang unang mag-fall sa isa, talo. Game? -
Game! Ay mukhang talo na agad ako -
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