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the blues

Matapos kong ihinto ang sasakyan sa paradahan, di ko na napigilang umiyak. Habang tumutugtog ang kanta ni reyna Whitney Houston na I Have Nothing, ako naman ay humahagulgol. Di ko maintindihan kung anong lungkot yung bumalot sa akin.

Galing ako sa pasyente kanina. Sila ay matandang mag-asawa na nakatira sa isang assisted living facility. Tinanong ko yung babae tungkol sa kanilang anak. Ika niya, sa malapit lang nagtatrabaho yung anak niya kaya dito sila tumira para malapit lang habang hinihintay nilang sila ay umalis.

Nakuha ko agad ang gusto niyang sabihin. Doon sila tumira upang malapit lang sila sa kanilang anak kung sakaling may mawal sa kanilang dalawa.

Tuloy-tuloy lang ang hagulgol ko sa kotse sa pagpatuloy ni Whitney sa I Will Always Love You. Inisip ko marahil nabalot ako ng pinaghalong takot at lungkot.

Takot na tumanda mag-isa. Takot na tumanda na walang makakasama. Takot na umabot ako sa edad na hindi ko man lamang kayang alagaan ang sarili ko.

Ganito na lamang ba ang buhay? Magtatrabaho ka para kumita pero para saan? Malaki nga ang kita ko dito sa America pero mag-isa naman ako. Maganda nga ang buhay ko pero pag-uwi ko naman sa apartment, walang sasalubong sa akin. Malungkot. Malungkot mamuhay sa ibang bansa. Sana kayanin ko.


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