Before Coming Out

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Lately, I've been thinking of coming out. It's like I want to free of myself of the burden of keeping my identity a secret. But before I come out, I just have some personal conditions I need to accomplish first. I won't be doing these things just to earn people's approval on my lifestyle but more for me being comfortable in the path I've chosen to live.

I should have a stable, high income job.
I think I know what people around will be saying to my family once they learned of the news. So, I want my family to have something to fight them back with. They'll be like, "At least, he's in the states, earning in a day what you earn for a month." That would shut them all up.

I should have a hobby or sport.
People will be people, I guess - judgmental. Just because someone's gay doesn't have to mean he's just into girly or gay stuff. I already have a hobby or sport, which has taken a back seat lately. It's mountain climbing / hiking / trekking. It started just out of pure fun two years ago but I've grown to love it. Also, as I became fond of mountain climbing, I also started running - well, more like jogging. It  became part of my training in preparation for every climb - to increase cardiovascular and respiratory endurance. After I have my low back checked and have this pain go away, I can return to serious training and conquer the mountains once more.

I should have a presentable physique.
At present, I am a bit on the heavy side partly because I have been busy with studying and, uhm, not working. Okay, okay. First step to change is acceptance. So I am accepting the fault of letting myself become this big. I've become careless in my eating habits and my activity patterns. I've been eating more and moving less. And that's also why I am having back pains. My goal is not the chiseled abdominal area nor big arms. I just want to be able to wear a shirt without my belly protruding like a pregnant woman. I could start with my P90x again before enrolling in a gym.


If only people are open-minded enough then my prerequisites wouldn't matter. It's just that people, most of them, when they know you're gay, they'll just see you as the gay guy. Being gay is not the person; being gay is just part of a person that makes him who he is. Along side his sexual preference are his career, his hobby, his skills, his knowledge, his advocacy, his principles, his morals, and many more. Plus, me coming out doesn't change anything. I am still the man they know, who just happens to be free and happy.

I just want someday to be able say "yeah, this who I am, so what?!"

23 comments:

  1. if you really see the need to do so.

    go.

    but you have to weigh out the consequences as well.

    hope you make the right decision.

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    1. Wala namang need. Napag-isipan ko lang. yeah, I don't want to make a decision so hastily. kasi, i guess, once i come out, there's no turning back.

      thanks.

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  2. Just an advice, regardless of what other people think of you, so long as you have accepted who you are, it should not matter to you what they will say. Your concern for your family is highly admirable, but you should also allow them to grow up and face reality - you never know, they might even surprise you.
    Number one : this prerequisite only muddles the issue of self respect with financial standing. So if you want to earn more money, do it for yourself and not to shut up the nosy people around you; they may not say it in your face, but they'll sure speak behind your back; and honestly, there is nothing you can do about that.
    Number two: i guess you're trying to differentiate yourself from the gay parlorista - that's ok if that is who you want to be. coming out is like breaking the barriers impose on who you should be, redefine yourself according to your value system and not based on what society still defines for you.
    Number three: as per your explanation, maybe the better heading would be ' i should be healthy - mind, body, spirit '
    Again, dahling, its about you, not about them. So it doesn't matter if they see you as their version of the 'gay guy.' Just be the 'gay guy' that you want to be. They (or should I say WE, hmmm) are already judgmental and you cannot change that; the ONLY thing you can change is your own perception about and attitude towards YOURSELF.

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    1. Wow. Thanks taking the time to comment. have you gone through it already?

      I'll take your advice to heart. :D

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    2. Yup, gone through it and still going through it! Relating to people, especially the nosy ones, will inevitably lead to the question of your sexual orientation. You do not have to always react to their promptings. It's your choice and it depends on how comfortable you are with revealing yourself to others.

      My advice (again!!!) is to start with close friends; however, it does not guarantee that they will react positively to your disclosure. Hoping that they do, it will build your confidence. If they don't, maybe its time to re-evaluate your friendship with them(hahaha, harsh, but that's me!!!).

      My coming out to my parents was quite difficult, don't get me wrong, i wasn't cast out of the house and all that telenovela scenarios. They are relative modern in their views but very religious in their value system; so when i finally confirmed what they have known all these years, i received a litany of catechism instead of a hug. Being religious myself, i was hurt with the window dressed acceptance speech laced with conditions on how to live my supposedly chaste homosexual life. I distanced myself from the church group and basically lashed out in my own cerebral way. I was fortunate to have three friends who accepted me for who i am: a priest, my fag hag secretary/personal assistant and my high school best friend. They were my sounding board during this stressful time in my life. I eventually got tired of reacting to my parents. This realization did not come serendipitously; i was taking care of myself - mind, body and spirit - and because of this, i discovered that i can make my own set of rules, i can redefine family dynamics so that they are aligned to what i want in my life. Not very easy for a reactive person like me but i'm getting there. :-)

      Number one: i can say that i come from a privileged life, so i know that the well-to-do can be gracefully mean; even more so the nouveau riche! so money does not guarantee that coming out will be easy; in fact, the many dramas of the rich and (in)famous can make it harder ;-P

      Trust in your instincts...it would seem that when we gays (ok, isama ang mga lesbians, bi's, trans para politically correct!!!) are aligned properly, we are able to tap into our innate intuitions that are almost always correct...and by intuition, i don't mean our gaydar...bwahahaha!

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    3. isa pang slow clap. mukhang dami mo pedeng i-share sa madlang people ah. Why don't you start a blog kaya? I'll surely forward to read your thoughts. thanks again. My closest friends know me naman. And for now, I'm happy with that. :D

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  3. clap clap clap clap para kay chink! grabe! whew! anu uli sabi niya? choz! hahahahaha!

    well, what can i say? hhhmmm... nasabi na lahat ni chink eh.

    para sa akin naman siguro dapat gawin mo yan after mo mag come out. para at least kasabay ng pagbabago na gagawin mo sa buhay mo. at isa pa, mag come out ka man' tas gawin mo yang mga yan, makikita nilang maganda ang idinulot nito sayo di ba? magulo ba? hehe! :)

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    1. slow clap with standing ovation para kay chink.

      nope. hindi magulo. na-gets ko na dapat maganda ang impluwensya sa akin nung gagawin ko.

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    2. naku, huwag masyadong maraming clap, nag blush tuloy ako!!! feeling ko tuloy napakahaba ng long hair ko, mahal po magpa-rebond!!! :-)

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  4. Coming out simply means finally accepting who you really are, fully embracing and loving yourself. If you love yourself, then you wouldn't hesitate or be ashamed when they find out that you are gay.

    Being gay simply means you are sexually and romantically attracted to the same gender as yours. You can be gay regardless of whether you are rich or poor, straight-acting or effeminate, sport-minded or a couch-potatoe, a fashionista or a slob, fat or thin, and the list goes on and on. Gay men are as varied as the rainbow that symbolizes us. But if you think about it, straights are also as varied as we are, right?

    Coming out as a process is varied also, and it will be your judgement call. You can come out to everyone all at one time, or you can come out to people at different times. You can be totally out to your family but selectively out with friends and officemates. At the end of the day, that judgement call is yours and yours alone to make.

    Good luck! =)

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    Replies
    1. Salamat po. Love myself. Rainbow. Judgement call.

      I was thinking more like, if someone just asks, I'll tell. If no one asks, I won't tell. Parang need-to-know basis lang ang pag come out ko, if ever.

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  5. "i should have a stable, high income job"

    yeah right. ito rin ang iniisip ko before i come out. it seems like a defense for me by the time na malaman ng mga mapanghusgang mata kung ano talaga ko.. i want to make them see na kahit bakla ako i can be better than them. much much better.

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    1. yun kasi ang stigma sa PLUs, they think we can't be productive. Pero tignan mo kung sino pa ung mga successful at nasa position. I think though it was a negative push, at least we are somehow motivated to be better than them.

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  6. i've had the same sentiments before...well not as a prerequisite, but as of "improving my market". I don't think these are good prerequisites for coming out.

    these are things you'd like yourself to have.

    I've made a list before of indications for coming out, but i can't remember where i placed it. it's in one of my blogs. hanapin ko, then i'll share it with you. it's different from your list, and i think you might like it too.

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    1. like ko yung "improving my market." parang commodity lang. hehe

      sige patingin ako ng entry mo about that.

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  7. I like your conditions, they are concise and can be time bound ☺

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    1. ay, SMART goal ba. Specific. Measurable. Attainable. Realistic. Timebound. di ko pa alam kung kelan eh, basta matapos lang yan, go na :D

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  8. Coming out is a very personal decision/choice. And it should happen once you've fully accepted your own self. Sometimes, people put so much pressure on the 'coming out' process. Hindi kailangan ng scenematic, dramatic and over the top scenes. When someone asks, you respond. That for me, is still coming out. Sabi nga ni Kim Chiu, you go girl, have a happy period. =)

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    1. tama, di naman ako magpapa-presscon or maglalagay sa status ko sa FB. gusto ko lang dumating yung point na if someone asks, i'll be cofident enough to answer truthfully. LOL happy pepe.

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  9. When you come out, just say it straight. I'm sure that when the time comes, you're absolutely sure of who you truly are.

    Cheers man!

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  10. Pero Justin, think twice, thrice or even 100 times kung kailangan... It's not as easy as it sounds. Trust me, marami ka pang mararanasan after the whole "coming-out" thing. Ako hindi pa ako nakakapagdecide pero sa ngayon, ayoko muna kasi ang unang unang masasaktan ko pag ginawa ko yun ay ang pamilya ko at siguradong mas masasaktan ako lalo kung ako mismo ang makakapanakit sa kanila. Sabi nga nila, it's never a walk in the park. Ang totoo kasi, sa mundo natin, hindi pa rin fully accepted ang mga tulad natin. Kahit they know our presence, iba pa ring usapan ang "acceptance".

    P.S. Thanks for following my blog hah

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  11. What I like about being out is that I don't have to second-guess myself. I don't have to somehow be "careful" about what I do or say. I get to be me 100% of the time and everyone just have to live with that. And the fact that I'm out means that they don't get to play all the usual guessing games about my sexuality or the whole "maybe it's just a phase" card.

    Coming out is a personal decision and we all have our reasons for deciding to do so. I can only share my experience and what makes me proud to be who I am - whether or not you decide to do the same will be up to you.

    My only advice - live a life that you can be proud of. Not just "okay" or "content" with. Live a life that makes you want to shout about your achievements and celebrate the love you have for someone else. It's a fun life and one that we all deserve to live.

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