Skip to main content

Clarity

Thing are starting to be clear now.

I have been seeing a number of pictures of Ilocos in my Newsfeed. It reminded me of the trip with the ex. It was a fun memory. Touring the region, the attractions, scenes, and landmarks.

But along with those happy memories is the first time we almost break up. For some reason I was having a fit. I wasn't sure what I was going through but it felt like I was having a tantrum. 

Looking back, I realize now why I said thoses words to him that time. I told him that he was better off without me, that he needs ssomeone else, that he needs someone who would be able to take care of him. In short, he needed someone better.

Remembering it all now, I realize more things about my feelings then. I realize now that it would be selfish for me to want him to go to the US with me and leave his family. It would be selfish for me to leave him in the Philippines for a while and wait for me to petition for him. And it wouls be selfish of me to ask him to marry me so he can be an immigrant too if he doesn't want to.

Now it's becoming clear. All this time that I kept on wanting him back is because I don't want to be alone and lonely. I was being selfish. I am being selfish.

Now I realize that I do have to let him be. Let him be happy where he is now and who he is with.

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 9, 2016 at 12:31 AM

    Awh :( I miss reading your blog. Anyways lets all move on and be happy together :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. citybuoySeptember 9, 2016 at 2:17 AM

    That requires courage, something I pray you have plenty of. If only for your sanity.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Victor SaudadNovember 21, 2016 at 9:21 AM

    Love is both selfless and selfish at times.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The One

Feeling loved and inspired, I ask my friends, who are in long-term, serious relationships, how and when they realized that their partners were the ones. Here are their answers: 1) "You don't know. You feel . Nagkakasundo kami palagi. And we have similar tastes." 2) " I just felt it . Despite everything that happened to us, we still chose each other . I just knew it. Tapos nagising na lang din ako isang araw na nung nakita ko siya pagkagising ko na katabi ko siya eh iba na yung feeling ko." 3) "Pasok siya sa criteria ko na kailangan lagi ako chinachat. Kaya nga until now lagi pa rin kami magkachat kahit nakatira na kami sa iisang bahay. Pinakaimportante dapat damang dama mo na gustong gusto ka niya.: 4) " Hindi niya ako iniwanan in my lowest point . He's one of the people na napaka-pure ng intention. Love personified." 5) " I just knew somehow .Yung di ako mahihiya ipakilala sa mga tao. Yung di na ako kailangan magtago." 6) "Sig...
Post a Comment
Read more

Before Coming Out

Lately, I've been thinking of coming out. It's like I want to free of myself of the burden of keeping my identity a secret. But before I come out, I just have some personal conditions I need to accomplish first. I won't be doing these things just to earn people's approval on my lifestyle but more for me being comfortable in the path I've chosen to live.
23 comments
Read more

A Walk to Equanimity Spa

I was just feeling really tired that day. There was all sort of stress that came my way that week - coming from deadlines from school and from the chaos in the family. All I want was just to have a relaxing massage since it has been a week since my last one. It was just fitting to reward myself with a good old rub down to ease tension from my body and my mind. So that night, I decided that I would get a massage no matter what. The bus I rode from school dropped me off at Kamuning Road. I decided not to go to my suking massage place because the new attendants there were young and very much inexperienced, as far as massage technique is concerned. That night I wanted quality massage really worth paying money for. In Kamuning, I remember passing-by a number of spa before. So I walked the street from EDSA to scout the area and look for a good massage place. The first spa that I passed-by had a black brand (which name I could not remember). It seemed nice but the feeling I had made me w...
18 comments
Read more