Love, Mamon.

Just saw Love, Simon in our town cinema. I saw it alone. I just had to see it. There's something about coming of age movies, and teen love stories that excites me.

I came out of the theater with a renewed sense of hope for love after seeing the movie. Its poster reads "Everyone deserves a great love story." I do believe that now. I do believe that everyone deserves a great love story. I deserve a great love story too.

After my last relationship I lost any hope or enthusiasm for love. I thought that my last relationship might have been the last time I'll be able to love again, the last time I'll be able to give myself and love so much that it hurts. But this movie gave me new found belief that someday, I'll find someone who I could spend the rest of my life with.

It wasn't just the love story that I related to from the movie. It was also the struggle of Simon in coming out and his struggle for acceptance not just by the school but also his family and himself.

I used to think once in a foreign land, living by myself without any family around, I can live however I want. But when I came here, I didn't realize that it would be more difficult. Before, I had friends - close, trusted friends- who know I am gay. I can be who I am with them. I can be the person I want, the person I can't be with my family or at work. Being with friends who I can be free balances out the secret life I am living everyday.

But here, it's different. Nobody knows I am gay and I don't intend on telling anyone too. It's not because I don't think they're not trustworthy or that they might not accept me. It's just that I don't want things to change or be awkward when I hang out with the guys or girls in the community. So, for now, I'm just enjoying gay stuff by myself.

And that's it for tonight. Walang halong kabastusan ngayon (Yes, Im talking to you Mac Callister!)

I have been thinking of a series to write. Something about my last relationship, how it ended and how I got through it. Sorta Moving On series siguro. It'll be therapeutic, hopefully. Also, it could serve as a reminder for future relationships, and sorta advice to anyone who is going through the same thing I did.

Thanks for reading. Til next time.


Love, Mamon.