That Feeling I Hate

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I swore that I won't ever feel this feeling again. I guess I had it coming. Investing feelings in a friendship that I don't know if it's mutual.

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I recently met with a friend. We had a very nice chat after an event and we caught up with the lives of the people we both know.

Then we went on with his recent conversation of a friend from a far off place. This friend of ours was, shall we say, elusive and mysterious. According to him, our friend was involved in an unfortunate incident which is why he was out of the radar for the past months. He continued by saying that our friend was still recovering from his injuries -and her's the kicker - here in the country, which kinda stunned me. All the while, I thought our dear friend went abroad. Well that's what he made me believe. The more my friend continued with his story, the more I felt betrayed.

There I was being concerned with that friend, asking him how he was or how he's doing just to find out that he's not fully truthful to me. Of all the things I dislike most, making me feel like a fool was the worst. And yes, at that point I felt like a fool. I was a fool for believing that he considered me as his good friend.

It's just very disappointing. And I hate myself for feeling that.. again.

In my youth I used to be that guy who was always concerned with my friends. I wanted to know how they're doing and what's going on with them. I made sure that I was always updated with their lives. I wasn't nagging them, it just became natural that when I ask my friends, they answer me truthfully. I learned the hard way that not all people are like that. I learned that it was much more painful knowing about things from other people rather than hearing them from those who you treat as friends. It's just sad.

As I got older, I tried to find out little about people. I shy away from investing a lot of emotions because I know I get hurt easily. But sometimes, I still slip. I still give myself out wholly to people only to find out that they don't think of me the same way I think of them, a true friend.

And just what I told another person who made me feel that way. Circumstances like this are just sad. But I understand. It just hurts but I got to suck it up and just move on. Eventually I can teach my heart to always guard itself.

12 comments:

  1. I get that feeling a lot with my former classmates. Some of them just have too much pride that they tend to not tell the truth of how they really are doing. Like for example a friend of mine told he was graduating but in the end I found out through another friend that he was far away from getting his degree. :( I hope to read more of your posts soon ;)

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    1. Hi Simon, thanks for dropping by and showing interest in reading my posts :D

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  2. MAMON!!! Welcome back! Wow, I thought I'll never see you post something again. :)

    Anyway, mukhang madali ka ma-attach. We're the same. :(

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    1. hey hey! :)

      Oo. sumpa na yata sa kin yun e. I guess I crave for relationships kasi wala ko masyadong friends growing up. kaya nabibigay ko ng buo sarili ko minsan. :(

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  3. welcome back..

    I can feel you... Its really unfair. Feeling that you are betrayed is natural but I hope everything goes well between you and your friend.. Maybe not in the near future but in God's time.

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    1. thanks Rix.

      Ok naman kami ni friend. yung betrayal naman sa akin lang yun. di naman niya sinadya siguro yun. I guess I just have to learn and deal with it the next time.

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  4. well diyan matetest kung sino ang mga totoong kaibigan.

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    1. di naman nabawasan ang pagiging mabuti niyang kaibigan sa ibang tao, sa naramdaman ko.

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  5. welcome back:)

    invest truly
    invest unconditionally
    but as the saying goes, leave some for yourself...mag-iwan ng kahit unti sa savings account hehe

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    1. thanks. sige, mag-iwan ako ng konti, pang maintaining balance. hehe

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