Linger

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It was in an event of some sort. The venue was packed. People were chatting, drinking, dancing in every corner. Around the venue were booths, probably of the event's sponsors.

I went around the place, trying to see who was there. Surprisingly, I was with a date. I have met him weeks before, but the interest slowly faded.

As I walk around the dance floor, moving from booth to booth, I noticed a familiar signage. It was the logo of the company where the ex works. Manning the booth was none other than HiM, my ex.

Throughout the event, I tried my best to avoid seeing him, or even talking to him. But the more I try to avoid him, the more that we tend to gravitate towards each other.

Then finally, as I was talking to some random dude, like in a classic cliche rom com fashion, we were back to back having our own separate conversations, when we bumped into each other.

"Oh. Hi!" I said, as if I was surprised.

"Hey!"

"You wanna grab something to drink from the bar?"

"Sure."

We excused ourselves and proceeded to the bar.

I couldn't remember what we talked about or how long we were talking. I could just remember the warm feeling I had, finally being able to talk to him after more than a year of trying to avoid him, trying to be the bigger man, the one who's strong and able to move on.

I think I told him that I already saw him when I entered the hall, that I tried my best not to interact with him or look at him, 'coz I didn't want him to know that I still have some feelings for him. He just laughed a little and grinned. Oh that smile, how I missed it.

He then looked away and stared to the crowd. I looked at his face - his nose, his lips, those cheeks I always wanted to kiss and push my face to. I was preparing to give out the speech - the how's and why's, the what if and maybe's, and the longing I have been trying to suppress.

As I was opening my mouth, I woke up.

I wasn't even able to tell him that I still care and that I hope we can be friends, or that I am sorry for everything that I have done, and that I am truly happy in what he is able to achieve.

I'm not really expecting HiM and I to ever see each other again in real life. But if we do, I hope we're both in a better place and be able to move past what happened to us a be mature enough to have a decent meaningful conversation like we used to.

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