Linger

It was in an event of some sort. The venue was packed. People were chatting, drinking, dancing in every corner. Around the venue were booths, probably of the event's sponsors.

I went around the place, trying to see who was there. Surprisingly, I was with a date. I have met him weeks before, but the interest slowly faded.

As I walk around the dance floor, moving from booth to booth, I noticed a familiar signage. It was the logo of the company where the ex works. Manning the booth was none other than HiM, my ex.

Throughout the event, I tried my best to avoid seeing him, or even talking to him. But the more I try to avoid him, the more that we tend to gravitate towards each other.

Then finally, as I was talking to some random dude, like in a classic cliche rom com fashion, we were back to back having our own separate conversations, when we bumped into each other.

"Oh. Hi!" I said, as if I was surprised.

"Hey!"

"You wanna grab something to drink from the bar?"

"Sure."

We excused ourselves and proceeded to the bar.

I couldn't remember what we talked about or how long we were talking. I could just remember the warm feeling I had, finally being able to talk to him after more than a year of trying to avoid him, trying to be the bigger man, the one who's strong and able to move on.

I think I told him that I already saw him when I entered the hall, that I tried my best not to interact with him or look at him, 'coz I didn't want him to know that I still have some feelings for him. He just laughed a little and grinned. Oh that smile, how I missed it.

He then looked away and stared to the crowd. I looked at his face - his nose, his lips, those cheeks I always wanted to kiss and push my face to. I was preparing to give out the speech - the how's and why's, the what if and maybe's, and the longing I have been trying to suppress.

As I was opening my mouth, I woke up.

I wasn't even able to tell him that I still care and that I hope we can be friends, or that I am sorry for everything that I have done, and that I am truly happy in what he is able to achieve.

I'm not really expecting HiM and I to ever see each other again in real life. But if we do, I hope we're both in a better place and be able to move past what happened to us a be mature enough to have a decent meaningful conversation like we used to.