Closet Clutters

It was very sudden. Just when I was trying to figure out what's next in my life - having finished graduate school and looking for teaching stints - there came an email asking if I was interested in a post abroad. At that point, I realized that everything does have a right time. So without hesitation, I replied to the email and next thing I knew, I already had an airline ticket. Things happened so fast that at first I got nervous and anxious. But I guess that's natural to feel that way whenever change would come, especially if it was that sudden. Here I am now in a foreign country doing what I think I do best and just trying to enjoy everything that comes with it. **** In beki news, I'm very disappointed when I got here. There's not a cute guy in sight! Gosh! Crazy! I think I'll go straight! chos! Anyway, I have this borta coworker. I'll be replacing him for the post because he had to go back to Manila and attend to his sick mom. I didn't think ...

I'm feeling a little limp tonight - maybe it's the vagueness of my future or the dilemmas I am facing or the lack of financial stability I am experiencing - but all I can do is just speculate. I thought I have gone through this already, the quarter life crisis as they say - emotional lability, constant questioning of worth, and unexplainable emo-shit. I'm tired of this, tired to wake up each morning and feel unsure of everything. Ugh. I just want to shake this off. Anyway, speaking of shaking things, here's one topic I wanted to write about for so long. I first heard it from some friends [ang mag-react, guilty! hahaha] and it got me curious, though I have to say, I really don't need this. *ehem* What is it? It's penis enlargement. Yes, my dear friends, you read it right. PENIS ENLARGEMENT . The natural kind. They call it Jelq . They say Jelqing was derived from an Arabic word meaning 'milking', which is the main motion of this technique....

So it's been, what, [checks calendar] a week since...  Wait, it was just a week. Wow. Seemed like forever since I last wrote that ... post. Anyway, I've been, well, caught in a recurring nightmare called procrastination. I have accepted early this month that I will not be able to wear that sash in graduation day. But a colleague convinced me to try hard and make it through the deadline of submission. Thankfully, I was able to submit my output just in time, yesterday actually - 4 days before my defense. Now, that's what I'm preparing for. It's the final speed bump in my journey to earn another academic degree. I have big dreams to be honest. I dream of working abroad and alleviating my family's financial burden. I want to see the world and experience it all. I want a fulfilling career, one that I can boast to everyone - not cure cancer, but something close to that, maybe help the limp walk or something to that effect. I want to invest in a real estate prope...

Honestly, I didn't know he still had that effect on me. Many months have passed and alot has happened. I had my share of successes and failures that's why I never thought he still mattered to me, until that text message I received from him. I must admit, I didn't expect he would contact me ever again after reading what I wrote about him. But he did. And I can't say I was happy he did. For the months I erased him in my life, I already thought I have moved on. I didn't think of him anymore. And just recently, I was able to disconnect him from all my social media. So that text he just sent me came in by surprise. And damn it, all that feelings resurfaced - feelings I didn't know I still kept. Anger. Regret. Pity. Hurt. Intense. Everything just came back. For sometime, I was back in that emo shit I was months ago. I wanted to explode. I wanted to express myself. I wanted to write something hurtful. But I didn't, I controlled myself. I guess I'll just...

I wanted to write something for so long because these past few days to weeks were a rollercoaster (yes, that analogy again) of emotions. But where should I begin? I wanted to start at the ending, the very last text message he sent where I didn't have the will or drive to reply at. And from there, I could do a flashback of how happy and content I was seeing him, though not much often than he wanted to. Then I could finish with how we started, the first and the second time we went out. But, this is a story I can't fully grasp. Conflicting emotions overcome me up to this very moment. Regret. Relief. Hurt. Sadness. Embarrassment. And I guess more. I wanted to write a decent explanation, but I don't think it would have any bearing now. I could write an apology but he said he doesn't need it. Am I really that numb? Maybe. I guess. Perhaps being hurt for so many times makes one that way. So, about our story... I guess it ended before it even began. *image fr...

Sa gitna ng dumadagungdong na musika, napapaligiran ng mga nag-iinuman at nagsisiyahan, at habang pinapanood ang mga katabi at nasa entabladong kalalakihan na nagsasayawan, maraming bagay ang sumagi sa aking isipan. This is so high school. Like Blue Onion days. Standing in a corner. Swaying from side to side. Occasionally, sipping beer. Trying to be more frugal. Looking at the crowd. Seeing mostly gorgeous people. Feeling insecure.  Smiling at the weirdness, sexiness, and horniness around. Very high school, indeed. The only difference is, this time, I could go home with a number or a guy. *sees a guy already staring.* Sabay tugtog ng Wrecking ball... Applause... at kung ano-ano pang kantang na-remix upang umakma sa mood na sayawan at gilingan. Just the other day, I was applauding in praise to the great Creator. Tonight, I'm applauding how those half-naked men are gyrating their hips. The other day, I was praising the beauty of His creation. Now, I'm praising how those...

[PBB teens-level. Pasensya na] Sa glass wall, malayo pa lang ay nakita ko na siya papalakad sa field. nakita ko siyang pumasok. [sana hindi siya lumapit, sana hindi siya lumapit, sana hindi siya lumapit. hindi ako ready] > Hi! - Oh Hi! (kunyari di ko siya nakitang pumasok) > San si…? Punta ba siya? - Ah, hindi daw. tinatamad ata siya . Shet!!! Andito si Crush! Grrrr! Nakapangbahay pa naman ako! Nakakahiya naman. Next time dapat laging ready. He’s soo professional-looking. jeez. haay. Crush. [some random small talk later] > sige una na ko. - bagsak ka naman niyan sa kama. [parang may something wrong sa sinabi ko] > ha? hindi siguro, nood pa ko ng live streaming, ay hindi live streaming. streaming lang pala ng volleyball game kanina. - ah.. ok.. ingat ka. [wag ka muna umalis. kape muna tayo!!!!] pagkaalis niya... type sa cellphone kay mutual friend  Single ba si ….? Pressed send. Did I really just text that?! lol oh shoo...