Fuck it hurts

I was very excited when my ex-boyfriend requested to be my friend in Facebook. He even wrote me a private massage asking me how I am.


We met around March 2009 in a place where we both finished some college work. He was the first one I noticed from a number of college students in that place. I instantly felt something good inside me. Like it's telling me to go meet the guy. Of course, being in the closet and all, I can't just go to a guy, introduce myself and say I like him and ask him out.

So, what I did was hang around his crowd. I was very much enjoying his company. He was funny and witty. Not to mention, he's really cute when he smiles. So when our time in that place had to end, we exchanged numbers. I wasn't really of being with him or anything. I was just thinking of gaining a friend.

Days past, and we were regularly exchanging text messages. We would talk about random stuff, very platonic, very wholesome. We were very much comfortable with each other, like we  knew each other for a long time. There was an instance when I woke up from a bad dream, and he was the only one I thought of texting - not my family, not my high school friends, not even my coworkers then.

All that time, we were just talking through text messages. Finally, we decided to meet again in a coffee shop in Ortigas. Here he shared his true feelings for me and I to him. We were relieved that we felt the same way. By the way, he was straight then and was really surprised that he had feelings for me. I shared to him that I was gay but I have no plans of coming out just yet. Though we were in the same boat about our feelings, it wasn't until our second meeting that we became a couple.

Us becoming a couple was not as sweet as I thought it would be. I was really hesistant to commit to a relationship because I wasn't sure that I would be able to carry out the role of being a boyfriend, plus I was very much enjoying out current status of close friends. He said we could make it work. Until he convinced me that being a couple would be the best thing that happened to me.

He was right. We did have fun and hot times together. But our happiness was short-lived. In our third monthsary celebration, we had a misunderstanding that later led to us breaking up. I admit, I was the one who gave up. I gave up on the relationship, I gave up on us. He never contacted me ever again after that and removed me from his Facebook friends.

Months later, I was really missing him. But I had to suck it all up because I was the one who broke up with him. He was my first boyfriend and I was his.

Going back to the present time. Now you understand why I was very much excited when he requested to be added in my Facebook friends. I missed him a lot. Because he was first my friend before we became strangers again.

But right after adding him, my happiness and excitement turned into hurt and regret. Now he is in a relationship. He finally moved on. I don't know who the lucky bastard (or bitch) is. But I know he/she is really lucky.

It so damn hurts when you are the one getting dumped. Shit. Fuck. It hurts.