Closet Clutters

Have you ever done something that later you wished you haven't done? Something that you wanted to do or believed you wanted to do but deep inside you really didn't want to do. That there is a certain force that lets you give in without even considering all the factors of the situation. In this instances, not only is  your life  affected but also someone else's. The decision you made was based primarily on the goal to please. But in doing so, your principles and beliefs as well as others' are bent or disregarded. You may even think that it's deja vu. That you'd think you'll learn from the past. Now that this thing happened again with you allowing it, you'd think that you can handle this better than before. But it looks like history taught you nothing. The only thing that you can think of is to escape. Then you realize that there is no other alternative. You'd make certain sacrifices. You'd give up certain habits. A small price to pay for...

SPAKOL - n. (SPA + jaKOL) isang spa na bentahe na ang extra service. Matapos ang usapang McArthur, Spiderman, Hello world!, at iba pa (sa mga hindi ito alam, usapang tae po ito. isipin ninyo na lang) - sa gitna ng pagkukumbinsi sa kasama naming manlibre ng lugaw o pares matapos ang inuman, lumabas ang terminong spakol . Sabi kasi nung isa naming friend meron daw lugawan malapit sa Timog bago daw sa spakolan sa Kamuning. Bilang tipshhhy na ako, di ko agad nagets yung sinabi niya. Dinig ko nga palakol. Nagets ko lang siya nung inulit lang niya yung sinabi niya. Laking tawa namin bilang ang manlilibre naming friend ay gurl. At ika nga ni gurl, " dapat bang naririnig ko to?! " haha. Tukso pa namin sa kanya na dun niya na lang kami ilibre. " Ba't ko naman kayo ililibre sa ganun?! " halakhakan na naman kami.  Aksheli, di iyun ang first time kong marinig yung term na yun. Narinig ko siya sa isa ko pang gurl na friend. Ishinare niya kasi noon na nagpupunta daw ...

Last week I applied for a study program in Japan. It was supposed to last for 5months that will run from September to February next year. If I would be chosen, I would stay in a dormitory or in a local household and will be immersed in the community where the earthquake made greater damage. More than the chance to live abroad, enroll in a foreign university, and be surrounded by students from different countries, I was looking forward spending Christmas and New Year in a foreign land and seeing snow. I know, my motivations seems childish. What can I do, I want to personally experience diving in snow. So anyway, the program mechanics said that chosen participants will be notified by email on July 25 (Wednesday). I sent my application last Friday. The wait was very excruciating. Four nights of anxiety, until the day came. All day, I waited - from the moment I woke up at noon till 6pm before I go to a meeting. No email came from the embassy from Japan. So I guess I wasn't accepte...

Natutuwa ako sa class kanina. Our topic was about gender. We're asked to divide into small groups and discuss its concept, issues, and the advantages of gender development. Bilang wala naman akong karanasan sa usaping gender, hinayaan ko na muna silang magsimula.  Ang ganda noong naging usapan namin, talagang tutok ako sa diskusyon. Bawat isa sa amin ay may sariling pananaw- yung iba pareho, yung iba salungat. Pero hindi namin pinipilit ang paniniwala namin sa iba. Hinahayag lang namin ang mga bagay na sa tingin namin ay tama halaw sa kung ano ang natutunan at naranasan namin.  Natutuwa ako sa mga usapang ganito na may kabuluhan at lalim. Kaya naman hanggang ngayon ang dami paring pumapasok sa isip ko na konsepto na hindi ko nabanggit sa silid kanina. Kaya dito ko na lang isusulat upang balang-araw mabasa ko ito muli, maalala ko kung ano ang pananaw ko sa gender sa mga panahong it.

Nakakainis. Missed chance na naman! When he rode the FX, sa likod ako nakaupo, our eyes met. Tapos the whole trip going to megamall, we've been exchanging signals. Lam ninyo na yun. The occasional rub ng knees, tapos frequent stares, tapos occasional tap ng legs. It seems ok na ang lahat, until we got to megamall. Tapos nun, di ko na alam gagawin ko. Pumasok kame sa loob, I was still following him. Tapos, he went walking. I didn't know kung susundan ko pa rin siya or what. Eh I was supposed to go to the basement to have my bag repaired. So I made a split second decision to ride the escalator. Tapos when I looked at his direction, I could see he stopped and was staring at me. Hala. Di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko. I stayed near the escalator for some time then decided to go back up. But when I went to the place he stood, he was gone. Aw. Sayang.  Naiinis lang ako kasi I didn't have the courage to have even introduced myself to him. Naunahan ako ng takot at hiya. E wala...

Kakagaling ko lang sa Ateneo para suportahan ang aking kaibigan. Pinanood ko yung unang pagtatanghal ng Entablado ngayon taon na pinangalan nilang Mutya. Dalawang play to na pinakamamahal daw nila kasi marami daw ang gusto mapanood ito ulit kahit 9 years ago pa nila unang itananghal yung mga play na yun. At di naman ako nagulat kung bakit nagustuhan ng tao yun. Sobrang nakakatawa at nakakaaliw yung dalawang play. Ang ganda ng kwento pati yung mga linya. Napakagaling ng mga nagsiganap, ang galing nila magbato ng mga salita pati na ang mga bitaw ng kanilang punchline. Sobra talaga akong natuwa ngayong gabi. Pero sa kabilang dako na-miss ko tuloy magtanghal din sa ibabaw ng stage. Naaalala ko pa nung highschool kami laging mayroong sabayang-bigkas. Lagi yun. Kada Filipino week at English week. It was a competition between sections sa isang grade level. Aside from that meron pa kami declamation. Ang elimination sa classroom, tapos pipili yung teacher ng pinakamagaling na ilalaban sa i...

What's this I'm feeling again. Loneliness? Boredom? Discontent? Frustration? Disappointment? I don't know. I feel like I'm Stripe, the little caterpillar in the book Hope for the Flowers. Like him, I feel that there's got to be more to life than just this, this, whatever this is I have now. Sometimes, I do things to alleviate this gloomy feeling that has been recurrently swallowing me up. I go out, have a massage, see a movie, walk around campus, just to pass the time even if I'm all by myself. But all of these aren't solving my problem. That's why sometimes I don't even bother going out because it does nothing for my general disposition. They are just temporary. They are just giving me a false sense of bliss and satisfaction. I need to find what would give me a true sense of happiness. I got to search for something more, more to life.

Talking to a friend about when her tongue slipped the other night. Her: Oh, I didn't know she doesn't know. Me: No, I haven't told her. H: I thought she knows. M: No. H: Does [insert another close friend's name] know? M: No. She doesn't know either. H: Why? Why don't you wanna tell her? M: I just don't. H: We're friends, we'll understand you. M: I just don't want to tell anybody else about it. H. Why? I don't get it. M: I just don't want to say. ----

"Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward."  ~Soren Kierkegaard February 25, 2010 12:10AM Before, I used to laugh at people who erase their former lovers or ex-gf/bf from their cellphone contacts and social networking sites. I think it's childish to do that. But now I realize that it's not childish, not even immature. I think they just want to forget - to forget everything about that person. they may not be angry or bitter but i think they just want to move on. I think they have decided that it would be easier and healthier if they lose contact with that person. And how would they move on if everyday that they check their facebook accounts, they see news feeds about that person. It's much painful that way. So they choose to rid of any connection and anything that may remind them of that person.  So now, I say to those people who want to move on... go.. erase.. forget... let go... grow...