Suicide is no answer

This week's episode of Glee struck a chord with me. The show tackled bullying and teen suicide. Karofsky was bullied by everyone from his school for being gay. He was attacked personally and through cyberspace. What pushed him over the edge was the word "FAG" written on his locker.

I am still in the closet, and am not planning to come out anytime soon because of a number of reasons, primarily  for the fear of being ostracized. But I do feel for the character. For being in the situation where everything seemed to be hopeless, and that the only way out was to take away his own life.

I did experience that same feeling of despair and sorrow - more than I can count. In those times, I feel like everything will be okay, and everyone will be fine once I am gone. In my early years, I just cry myself to sleep imagining what life would be like when I die. My mom would be very devastated losing yet another son. My family would all regret losing the one they all thought would bring them hope and prosperity. When I became older feeling that same sadness, I almost did attempt to take away my own life. I have all the things planned out - from the method I would use to my suicide letter. I thought it was my only escape from the burden of life. But in all those attempts, not once did I push through. What stopped me was the thought of my life ahead. The future that may happen. The events I look forward to.

Just like the exercise Mr. Schuester did with his glee members, I too thought of the things I look forward in achieving. If I would take my life away that day, imagine the things that I would have missed. I am still looking forward to seeing my family stable and away from debt and trouble. I would still want to see my nephew grow and have his own family. I would want to take my mom around the world as a token of my gratitude in all her sacrifice for me. I want my father, and his family satisfied and okay. And I want to live long to be with my special someone and build my own family.

Now, twenty-five years of existence helped me realize that in life there are times when you feel that you're on top of the world, and there are times when you feel that the world is crumbling down on you. But what I learned from life is this; life would only seem hopeless if you lose hope, and life would feel empty if you don't share it with those you cherish and love. Let your family and friends be your hope, let them fill your heart with love and strength. So that in times of your lowest low, they will be there to pick you up and walk with you through life. Of course, don't forget to lean on God for guidance.