Closet Clutters

Well,  we all know what being friendzoned means. But what's sexzoned? I didn't actually coin the word. I just heard it from a radio show months ago. Their topic was "How would you know if your partner is just in it for sex." Some of the answers were. If he usually texts you in the wee hours. If he spends more time having sex with you than spending more quality time with you. If  he is extravagant in his gifts and gestures (because he wants sex afterwards). So the question remains, which is better - being friendzoned or sexzoned? For me, I like being friendzoned better. I am the type of guy who would rather have an emotional connection rather than a physical one, despite being perceived differently.  I rather have a meaningful or witty conversation over coffee or a bucket o' beer than have a limited time in bed. I'd rather have fun times in different activities than just with one act of having sex. Ain't I sweet? hehe You may be cringing right now,...

Sa tagal mo nang naglalaro, akala mo bihasa ka na. Na kahit anong gawin mo, hindi ka madadala. Na ikaw pa rin ang nagpapatakbo ng laro. Ngunit minsan bibigay ka rin at susuko. Bagamat gusto mo nang umiwas sa paglalaro, di mo pa rin magawang talikuran ang nakasanayan. Tila naging bahagi na ito ng iyong pagkatao na kahit kailan ay di kayang iwaksi. Kaya maiisip mo, sasaya pa kaya ako nang tunay? Madali kasing sabihing hindi ka pa handa sa pakikipagrelasyon. Dahil alam mo sa sarili mo na di mo pa kayang maglaan ng atensyon para sa iisa lamang. At alam mo na kapag nangyari iyon, ay makakasakit ka lang ng damdamin. Ngunit ang malaking tanong ay hanggang kailan? Hanggang kailan ka magpapatuloy sa paglalaro. Alam mong nagsasawa ka na, pero bakit nahihirapan ka pa rin magbago? Ano ang hinihintay mo para ikaw ay tumalikod sa nakagawian? Marahil may hinihintay ka. Marahil may inaabangan kang tao kung saan ilalayo ka sa ganoong pag-iisip. Isang tagapagligtas na maunawain at mapagmahal. Yu...

Mula sa isang usapan sa twitter, napaisip ako... "...may  crush ako  na pangkama..." May kategorya pala ang mga crush. Sabagay, hindi ba't lahat naman ay nagsisimula sa crush. Pero ano nga ba ang crush? Hindi ba ang crush ay paghanga, pagkabighani, pagkapukaw ng atensyon? Sa isip ko naglalaro ang iba't ibang crush na naranasan ko. Crush na pangkama. - Eto yung basic crush. Bale carnal in nature. Yung crush mo tapos gusto mo ikama tapos you'll take from there. Crush na pangkaibigan - Eto naman crush mo kasi dami ninyong things in common. Parang pede kayong maging activity buddies. Yung tipong magkakasundo kayo sa mga bagay. Crush na pangkapamilya - Eto naman yung crush na tipong nakikita mo siya as an older brother who'll give you pieces of advice or wisdom, or shield you from hurt. O younger brother na ibu-bully or papayuhan. Sasabihan kung sino sa ka-twit ang dapat o di dapat lapitan. O siguro parang tatay na maalaga at maasikaso. Crus...

I just love bus rides. Looking out the window. Seeing how the landscape changes as the bus navigates its way to the expressway.  Everything is so calm and sure.  It's the certainty of it all that I love so much in bus rides or any other forms of transportation. You get on a bus in point A and you'll alight in point B. That simple. There's a beginning and an end. You know where you'll start. Track your progress to where you're currently at. And you'll know if you're nearing your destination. In trips, it's just the same. You have an itinerary. You follow it. Then it's done. No matter how many changes or revisions happen to that itinerary, you'd still know where it leads to and ends.  But in the journey that we call life (yeah, too cliche), it's a different story. No matter how you navigate. No matter how much you plan. No matter how many goals you set. You can't still be sure what you'll get and when you'll get it.  I...

"hindi bale. basta makita ko lang siya, masaya na ko" Pramis. Kinilig ako noong una kong masilayan ang mukha niya sa Skype. Ang cute lang niya. Sarap niyang akapin, halik-halikan, at alagaan. Sa totoo, napakaaliwalas kasi ng mukha niya kaya di malayong magkagusto ka sa kanya sa unang tingin palang. Sobrang gusto ko siyang makilala noon. Ang daming beses na tinetext ko siya at tinatanong kung anong schedule niya sa opisina dahil balak ko siya abangan sa paglabas. Surpresahin ba. Makita ko man lang siya nang personal. Nakakatawa kasi pakiramdam ko noon obsessed fan ako ng isang artista. Totoo. Sa katunayan, isang gabi inabangan ko siya sa opisina. Mejo late na rin yun. Akala ko kasi 11pm ang labas niya. Ako naman todo hintay sa labas ng building inaabangan ang bawat lumalabas. "Ano naman gagawin ko kung makita ko man siya," isip ko. "hindi bale, basta makita ko lang siya, masaya na ko," sabay ngiti at kilig. Lumipas ang isang oras, wala parin ang h...

Last weekend, one of the topic of conversation among former classmates was the news of one of our batchmates coming out. Questions like, "How did he come out?" "Who did he come out to?" "Who's his boyfriend?", emerged. I shouldn't have been that excited with the news because since I've met him, I already knew we're playing on the same side, and the recent turnout was just confirmation of my ever so reliable gaydar. In our excitement, we tried to answer one of our questions, who is his current boyfriend. And to do so, we decided to visit his Facebook timeline. We remember seeing a coded status he posted months ago that seem to be saying something but very subtly. As we browse through his status, one commenter caught our attention. His comments were to bland or straightforward, lacking any emotion which seemed to be odd since all other comments were humorous. By instinct, I opened that guy's profile in a new tab and browsed through his t...

"Always stay on top of things" I always thought I needed to go out of the city, away from the noise and chaos just to feel calm and at ease. It's what I normally do when I am on the verge of giving up or when I can no longer take all the worries I am feeling at the moment. For me, escaping from reality, even if it's just transient, is the best way to handle the stress. However, a recent meeting with a friend change that. It's the coffee and the meaningful conversation that did it. My worries, which seemed to be hopeless, now had some clearer solutions or explanations. I thought I just had to live with burden of handling things on my own and only having my own perspective on things. Then, I just found myself opening up to you. It just felt easy. I realize that it's better for someone to tell you the sad or nasty truth to your face so that you can paint a better picture of what's going on and for you to realize if what you're doing is correct or no...

I was on my way back to the province late - nope, make that - early this midnight last Monday. I was shocked when I learned that there was no more van going to our place. What to do in the middle of the night? If I go back to our other house here in the city, I would have to wake up really early just to make it to work on time. Then I remembered a coworker saying about a bus bound to Pacita which can lead me to a stop for jeepneys going to our place. So I decided to push through not really knowing where exactly I should alight. All I could think of was that I should get there somehow. It was an adventure not knowing where I was headed or if I was going to the right place. At first, it was fine because I love the thrill and excitement. However, as we near the expressway, I felt scared. On normal circumstances where there's the sun to light our way and there are a lot of people to ask directions, it would seem very easy. However, the night is unsafe for a novice like me in a foreig...

"Di ba kapag tapos na, pede na pag-usapan?" Matagal rin buhat noong huli naming pag-uusap. Marahil buwan na rin ang nakalipas nang kami ay magkita at magsama. Ngunit ang sandaling oras na nakapag-usap kami kamakailan ay nagdala ng kalinawan para sa aming dalawa. Nagkakilala kami sa isang inuman. Naimbita lang ako ng isang kaibigan dahil malapit lang naman ako kung saan sila umiinom. Bilang ako ang bago, Siya ang naging kausap ko sa buong gabi dahil di na rin ako maasikaso ng kaibigan ko dala ng kalasingan. Naging mabait naman siya sa akin, pala-kausap, pala-biro, at pala-kwento. Mga katangian kung bakit naging magaan na agad ang loob ko sa kanya. Naging malapit kami sa isa't isa na umabot sa paglabas-labas naming dalawa lang. Pamamasyal sa mall, panonood ng sine, pagkain sa labas, at pagsiping. Naramdaman namin ang pagkagusto namin sa isa't isa ng mga oras na iyon. Ngunit di rin kami nagkatuluyan. Nagkalimutan ng sandali sa pag-uusap hanggang sa araw na iy...

"Kung gusto mong makasigurado, gusto mo subukan natin." Isa siya sa mga classmates ko noong highschool. Marahil maihahanay natin siya sa mga magugulo at maiingay. Bully kung minsan at alam mong lalaking lalaki. Eto yung panahon na malakas na ang pakiramdam kong iba nga ako sa karamihan. Ngunit dahil sa posisyon ko sa paaralan at silid-aralan, di ko magawang ipahalata ito. Naging katabi ko siya ng upuan. Hindi yun nagkataon lamang dahil ako ang naataasang gumawa ng seating arrangement at sinadya ko talagang itabi siya sa akin. Gusto ko noong makilala siya ng lubusan kasi mukha naman siyang mabait kahit na gagago-gago siya minsan. Man-crush ata tawag doon ngayon. Tsaka inisip ko, kung mabarkada man ako sa kanya, baka matuto akong maging straight. Noong umpisa ay di kami masyadong nag-uusap. Ngayon lang naman kasi kami naging magkatabi kahit na pangalawang taon na naming maging magka-klase. Kinalaunan, nakakapag-usap na kame dahil sa mga seatwork at homewo...