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Labo


Lumabas ako ng pinto nang hindi pa rin makapaniwala sa aking narinig. Naglakad patungo sa kalsada na di mawari kung ano ang dapat isipin. Tulala at lito, tangan ko ang mga gamit, niyayapos ito nang mahigpit.

Sa gilid ng kalsada, nag-abang ng masasakyan, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang dapat gagawin. Di pa rin matanggap ang malabangungot na balita.


Bakit naman kasi kung kailan binubuo ko na ang mga pangarap ko ay siya naman ang dating ng mga ganitong pangyayari. Hindi na ba talaga matapos-tapos ang mga suliranin. Nakikipagsabwatan ba ang sansinukob sa aking pagkabigo at pagkatalo.

Lumayo ako sandali sa mga taong nag-aabang. Nais kong mapag-isa upang marinig ang tinig ng aking pag-iisip. Paano ko ito kakayanin. Paano ito kakayanin ng pamilya ko. Paano ko ito malalampasan. Ito ang ilan sa mga katanungan bumagabag sa akin. Ito ang mga katanungang hanggang sa ngayon ay walang kasagutan.

Lumayo ako sa mga tao upang mapag-isa. Ngunit maliban doon, lumayo ako sa kanila upang hindi ipakita ang mga luhang pumapatak sa aking mga mata. Sa pagkakataong iyon wala na akong magawa. Di ko sinubakang pigilin ito sapagkat iyon lamang ang tangi kong kayang gawin.

Ni minsan ay di ko inaakalang ako ang magiging pabigat sa pamilya. Lahat nga sila ay ako ang inaasahan sa pagtupad ng kanilang pangarap ng tagumpay. Ngunit sa pagkakataong ito, mukha ang hinaharap ay unti-unting lumalabo para sa akin.

Kung noon pa sana ay inalagaan ko ng aking katawan at itinuring itong isang templo, hindi sana ako mangangamba sa aking kalusugan nang ganito. Paano na ang lahat. May bukas pa kayang nag-aabang para sa akin. Higit sa lungkot na aking nararamdaman ay takot. Takot sa walang kasiguraduhan. Takot sa pagkabigo ng aking sarili at pagkabigo sa lahat ng naniniwala at umaasa sa akin.
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Comments

  1. BwryanMay 16, 2012 at 3:14 AM

    ha? what's wrong? i hope you are okay...

    ReplyDelete
  2. ShenanigansMay 16, 2012 at 3:57 AM

    Is this about your bone aching sa likod?

    ReplyDelete
  3. MugenMay 16, 2012 at 4:27 AM

    Anuman ang iyong pinagdadaanan, nandito lang kami para makinig at magbasa ng iyong pakikipagsapalaran. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. CHRISTIANMay 16, 2012 at 11:23 AM

    anung nangyayari po Justin? :/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mac CallisterMay 18, 2012 at 6:25 AM

    Is this about your back pain na nabasa ko sa twitter? Mukhang serious para mabagabag ka ng husto a :-(

    ReplyDelete
  6. filchiamMay 18, 2012 at 6:37 AM

    napakalungkot naman ng post na ito. kung ano man yun, sana maibahagi mo sa akin ng maibsan ng konti ang dinaramdam mo.

    thanks for checking out my blog. i can't seem to subscribe to yours.

    ingat!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Victor SaudadMay 26, 2012 at 5:50 PM

    Sa ngayon pakiramdam mo wala kang magagawa. Pero magtanong, kumonsulta, magsaliksik. Hanapin ang kaliwanagan ng maibsan ang takot, kaba, at duda.

    ReplyDelete
  8. jaara28May 30, 2012 at 7:30 PM

    bro dont loose hope...ako nga at d age of 23 i was diagnose with diabetes and at d same age ngka-tb ako...paalis n sna ako going abroad peo ndi ako pinayagan. Gumuho ang mundo ko nun kc hindi n ko fit to work abroad at pno n ang mga pangarap ko sa pamilya ko...tpos unti unting lumalabo ang paningin ko...peo with d support of my family and trust in God naniniwala ako n kakayanin kong lhat ito...mdyo mgastos nga lng kc may maintenance n at ako p ngpapapaarl sa 4 kong pmngkin peo kinakaya ko lng at hindi ko n iniisip ang sakit ko...alam kong malalampasan mo din yan...everything has a reason..dasal lng tayo bro at ipasaDyos nlng ntin ang lahat...isasama kita sa mga prayers ko bro...

    ReplyDelete

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