Of Death, Dying, and Disease

In light with what happened in the last months, I can't help but to reflect on this stage of life that we would all have to go through - death.

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On consoling and mourning - I really don't know how to act in this kind of situation. I don't know what I should do or what I should say to someone who just lost somebody. All I can say is a simple 'how are you.'

I have gone to two wakes last month. The first one was in the wake of my friend's father and the next was in a  friend's grandmother's. All I did was to ask my friends how their relatives died. Then they will go on and narrate the events that lead to their relatives' death. After that we continue to converse about our current lives. I don't know if I should be giving words of encouragement or inspiration. Actually, if I do want to share some words of wisdom, I can't cause I don't know what to say to someone grieving. I don't know what they are feeling and I don't want to say something inappropriate. I guess it boils down to my principle of "do to others what you want them to do to you." I always thought that I don't want someone saying to me "It's gonna be ok" or "I know how you feel" if i lose someone because no one really knows how anyone feels when they lose someone they love, right? Each of our experiences are unique to us. It is something personal. Something an existentialism like me believes in. So all I can do, and all I do is listen to them, and if they do break down in front of me, I'll just be there for them, not saying anything but just letting them feel that they are not alone. Just like what I want others to do to me.

Anyway, in my friend's grandmother's wake, it happened to be the time for relatives to share something about the deceased - the eulogy. I have never attended someone else's eulogy, someone not my relative, before. So I thought I would just listen. What I realized there was that I do have shallow tears. Once her children started to cry, I also started to cry. I didn't want my friend to see, but I just can't hold back the tears. I just feel their sadness, their sorrow. It's like I feel like I am the one who lost a loved one. Good thing I had my handkerchief. Next time, I'll sit at the back in eulogies.

On preparation - I remember a priest's sermon in one of the wake's that I went to. He stressed the importance of spiritual preparation. He stated that no knows when they will meet our Maker that is why we should live each day in His honor as if we are going to meet Him soon. So that in case we die unexpectedly, we would face Him with no regrets.

I totally agree with the priest. But I was thinking of other things to prepare. As important as spiritual preparation is physical preparation. When we die, we leave those whom we love. We don't want to give them problems, right? So we must be able to arrange everything before hand - our death insurance,  medical insurance, memorial service, etc. We don't want our transition to be more problematic for our loved ones. We don't want them crying over the bills after crying over our passing. Since we're on the physical aspect of preparation, we should also be mindful of our appearance. Sounds shallow, right, thinking how you would look like when you die. But based on my experience, people were able accept their loved one's death better if they are looking good. Naisip ko tuloy, pag ako namatay, dapat maganda skin ko para maganda dating ng make up. :P 

On dying - Every time I hear someone dying I always think of these: 

I wanna die fairly young, maybe around 60's, so that almost all the people I know are still alive so that there are a lot of people in my funeral and wake.

I wanna die first before my family and loved ones. I don't know how to live without them, seeing them leave one by one.

I want a celebration in my wake and funeral, ball-style. I want people wearing their suits and cocktail dresses, drinking champagne and wine.

I want to be in in my business attire, still looking sharp.

I want to be cremated and my ashes sprinkled on top of the highest mountains of the world, sige kahit highest mountain in the Philippines na lang :)