It's Christmas and what am I doing here

Pardon the tone.

I just came home from the Christmas eve mass filled with the Christmas spirit. I was giddy and chirpy coming home, excited to see all my little siblings.

But when I came home, there were no lights, no children. There was no one there. I ate spaghetti alone on a table made for eight.

Then annoying Auntie went down the stairs from her room and social-climbing cousin came in the front door. Then I felt all my Christmas spirit get bottled up again and locked in a vault with all my Christmas spirits in the past years.

I went to the local convenience store to grab a bottle of wine for myself. I want to drown myself in the spirit of alcohol just to make myself a little bit happier. But I thought, I would seem more pathetic and miserable to drink all by myself.

I don't know what's with these recent Christmases that made me feel this way. I feel like a child who did not receive a gift, or one whose parents did not come home from their work abroad, or an orphan who spends the holidays not knowing who his real parents are. And as I scroll through Instagram, I feel like a beggar watching people enjoy their time together near a warm fireplace. It just feels so empty and cold now.

I do hope this would be the last time I feel this way during Christmas. I pray that things will get better next year. But for now, I'll just sleep this one again.

Again, friends, Merry CHRISTmas!

Before Coming Out

Lately, I've been thinking of coming out. It's like I want to free of myself of the burden of keeping my identity a secret. But before I come out, I just have some personal conditions I need to accomplish first. I won't be doing these things just to earn people's approval on my lifestyle but more for me being comfortable in the path I've chosen to live.

Japanese Bathhouse

I have never been to a bath house in my life. My knowledge about bath houses all came from blogs - gay blogs. I discovered in those blogs that in bathhouses in the Philippines, you should leave all your shyness at the door because everybody walks around naked with cock whipping and balls hanging. There is a wet area where you can find the baths, sauna, steam room and shower. They say that's where the action takes place. So in short, you go to bathhouses if your looking for some titillating escapade. So that's what got me excited when I found out that I am going to go to a bathhouse here in Japan. Well aside from experiencing an authentic bathhouse for the first time, I would get to a see a sausage fest of sorts, have a relaxing massage, and hopefully experience some Japanese fun. I was darn nervous but excited.

What 2012 taught me..

Yesterday night, my friends and I went out for dinner. During our talk a friend suggested to share our year-end evaluations. Since I've already blogged about how my year went, I was quick to answer his question. His next topic was to complete the statement: 2012 taught me to.... I haven't really thought of the lessons or general theme of the closing year so I got to think about my answer. And here's what I shared. "2012 taught me to just keep on trying. Maybe I'll succeed, maybe I won't. No matter what the outcome may be, what's important is that I have tried that I have exerted effort to reach my dream. Even though I take things a day at a time, not really making long term plans, I still have goals for whatever opportunities and I would make every step to take advantage of that chance. I believe that it's better to have tried (in love, in career, and in life) than to regret not trying at all." So that's it. And with this, I end my 2012 ...

Closet Clutters

Search This Blog