Never mine

Whenever I have this feeling, Citybuoy's literary piece comes to mind - Never Yours. (If you haven't had the time to read it, now is the best time to do so.) However, I'm no master storyteller. I can't whip up a great storyline from an emotion or experience. But I do feel. So I'll just write whatever it is that I feel.


Never mine. He's never mine. What then should I feel? I can't feel jealous. He's never mine. I wanna be happy.. I AM happy for him. I would just like to think that it was just never meant to be. The truth is, I am not ready. I think I'm not. He's just better off without me. I would just like to think I'm no good for him. Maybe I'm good for someone else but not him. Rationalizing, I am. But that's life. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

Never mine. He's never mine. What then should I feel? I did feel a little jealous. But why should I, he's never mine. Confused. Awkward. Insanely uncomfortable. And irritatingly curious. That's what I felt. It was awfully hard to keep a straight, perky face. Quiet, I was. I wasn't able to react to the scenes. But it's hard to dwell on vagueness. It's hard to tread the path filled with grey areas. At some point, I would want to seek clarity. But that's life. It's just meant to be experienced.

Never mine. He's never mine. What then should I feel? I can't feel angry because he's never mine. There were no agreements confirmed, no commitment sealed. Helpless. Powerless. All I can do is watch. Hopeful, I am. That though many came that never became mine, there is someone out there, someone in this hopeful universe, that I would eventually call mine.


/me slaps face (3 times)