Closet Clutters

I decided to make a planetromeo account when I was still abroad. I was so bored that I wanted to meet someone from the area. But after days of scanning and looking through profiles, it seems that there was no one registered in my area. So I just decided to look for possible friends in the Philippines. In looking through profiles and deciding who to send a message to, I've noticed the process how I do my selections. First, I'll search people within the city who is currently online and with profile picture. Then I'll choose. When I go about the profiles, I feel like I'm sort of a Goldilocks. I'll go,"too cute," "too hot," "too muscled,"too gorgeous," or "too great smile." In the end, I go for average joes and people that I think wouldn't be prejudicetic nor judgemental. 

Okay. As I've said, J.M. invited me over to his rented apartment. I didn't think much of it but I was so hoping that it will lead to us to hooking up. It was a Tuesday night when he texted me. He said that he was now all alone in his apartment which he shares with 2 of his colleagues. Ans so I packed everything that I was doing and I hurried along to his apartment. He met me on the street outside and led me to a series of alley to their pad. When we went in his apartment, he gave me a seat. He was still in his working clothes so he just excused himself and changed. It was a humid night then so he didn't bother to put on a shirt. It was such a turn on. This is it, it's really happening!, I thought. My heart was pounding by this time.

I have never been to a bath house in my life. My knowledge about bath houses all came from blogs - gay blogs.  I discovered in those blogs that in bathhouses in the Philippines, you should leave all your shyness at the door because everybody walks around naked with cock whipping and balls hanging. There is a wet area where you can find the baths, sauna, steam room and shower. They say that's where the action takes place. So in short, you go to bathhouses if your looking for some titillating escapade. So that's what got me excited when I found out that I am going to go to a bathhouse here in Japan. Well aside from experiencing an authentic bathhouse for the first time, I would get to a see a sausage fest of sorts, have a relaxing massage, and hopefully experience some Japanese fun. I was darn nervous but excited.

As scheduled, J.M. (the guy from my previous blog - Departures ) came back for his therapy. He was as adorable and charming as ever, not to mention smelling good too. I did the usual to him until we got to the manual part. As usual, I started with his upper back and shoulders. I asked him how the tape was. He said that it was okay. His pain, as he said, decreased a bit and he was able to work without thinking about it. I joked that he doesn't need to come to therapy anymore because he's feeling alright. He quickly, said that he still feels some pain on his shoulder and chest. I was laughing inside, because I found his reaction quite cute. It didn't matter if he was flirting or just malingering. I was just happy he still wanted to come back to therapy. I moved to his arm again as always. And as usual, all that we did was exchange smiles and glances while I do his arm. I would glance at him and he smiles back. He'll glance at me with his cute smile and I smile back then...

Yeah. It started with a body ache. J.M. was a patient of mine. (He's the guy from Departures .) He had an aching pain on his neck and shoulders which goes to his arm and elbow. I was his therapist so I'll be the one to oversee his treatment and recovery. The first time I saw him consulting the doctor, I hoped he gets to be my patient. He stood a little shorter than me, fair-skinned, with a medium size body. He was always smiling and seemed to be outgoing. As if destined, his chart was handed to me and I became his permanent therapist.

Lately, I'm feeling some nagging discomfort in my throat. It has been three days since this started. And as it stay present in my body, the more I worry. What concerns me most is that it's more serious that I think. But since I'm on a vacation, I don't want my relative, any of my relatives to worry and overreact. I just want to finish my time here in vacation-land before I face what needs to be faced. So since I don't want to tell anyone, but want to share to someone, I'll just write it down here.

I have always thought that I have a keen sense of seeing homosexual tendencies from others. That is, I think I have an excellent gaydar. I could almost always tell if a person (note: person - guy or girl) is straight or not. It's wired through my keen sense of observation and instinct, and my vast database of experience ( feeling expert ). I guess, it was also rooted in my younger years when I was trying to find out who else is like me, like Professor X trying to look for other mutants. But now, I noticed that my gaydar is not functioning as it used to. Before I could tell if a person I look (or stare) at is gay or not. I kinda figured out how my gaydar works. When I stare at a person, I'll try to observe what his reaction is. Would he stare back? Would it be long? Will he look back the second time? Will he stop and stare? Will he approach me? Will he use hand or body signals? Those things will be processed in my brain. Logic plus instinct equals gay or not. But as I'v...

I've been here in Japan for almost a week now and I started to dream about home. I dreamed about my home, my family, and my friends. Then I thought, is that my mind saying to me that I'm missing home? Am I not enjoying it here that my mind wants me to see home? I pondered on a lot of explanations why the setting of my dreams is home. (1) Maybe I don't want to work abroad. Or maybe I want to work, but just for a little while, like 1-3 years. Working in a foreign land can provide a fairly higher amount of salary compared to what you'll get in the Philippines for the same amount of work. But for me, I'd rather choose to work in my homeland where my family and my friends are. (2) Maybe I am just so used to doing what I wanted to do whenever I want to. There's a certain familiarity in your hometown that you can do pretty much anything not minding anyone else. You have full control of your actions and the situation. In a foreign land, there are a lot of barriers...

Now, blame it on Gilbey's Gin & Red Horse Beer. We were at the beach then. There were six of us - 2 girls and 4 boys. We decided to pitch some tents by the sea and drink the night away. We were all set. We laid our picnic cloth and set-up our tents. We even brought with us sleeping bags in case we can't make it to our rest house. Chips were our pulutan. Our primary alcohol was gin and our chaser, beer. Sounds nasty? Yeah. It was. In just about an hour of drinking, we were feeling the buzz. Normally, I don't get drunk easily. Normally, I will be the one last standing. But this was no normal times. It was me who got the worst night. Feeling dizzy and tipsy. I invited my friends for a dip in the sea. I usually swim or take a bath whenever I wanted to regain control and rid of the buzz. But this time, it was not as effective as I expected.

Dito ako ngayon nagbabakasyon malapit sa base ng hukbong sandatahan ng mga Amerikano. Saan man ako pumunta, maraming sundalo ang naroon - mga Kano, Hapon, at Pinoy. Kung saan-saan makikita ang mga sundalo dito - sa grocery, sa mall, sa kainan, sa park, at kung saan-saan pa. Syempre, kapa sinabi nating sundalo, aasahan nating makita na makikisig ang kanilang pangangatawan, malinis ang gupit, diretcho ang tindig at matitipuno. Oo, lahat ng yun ay sila, at karamihan sa kanila, lalo na yung mga nakababata ay gwapo pa. Grabe. Sa isang banyagang bansa, ang hirap ng mamuhay sa loob ng 'closet' dahil hindi mo alam ang kultura nila. Hindi mo alam kung ang minsan mong pagsulyap ay nangangahulugan ng masama sa kanila. Pero masisisi mo ba ako kung mapatingin ako sa kanila ng matagal o kung mapalingon ako kapag dumaan sila? kasalanan nila yun, gwapo, matipuno, at ang pinakagusto ko ay yung uniporme. Shet! I love men in uniform! Hindi ako makagalaw dito dahil wala akong pera at di ko al...

Pangalawang pagkikita namin ni guy from Round Trip . I am about to leave the country so he wanted to meet. Siyempre pumayag naman ako. Magkaroon man lang ng going-away present. Baka nga rin  last meet na namin that time. Nagkita ulit kami sa mall. Nagdinner. Nag-usap. Tulad ulit nung dati, wala ulit plano. Basta magkita lang at makapag-usap, ok na. Noong dinner, out of the blue, nagtanong siya, 'gusto mo ba ako?' Nabigla ako pero sabi ko 'oo.' Sunod niyang tanong, 'gaano?' Anong gaano? Nasusukat ba kung gaano mo kagusto ang isang tao? Pero sinagot ko parin, 'sa ngayon, di ko masabi, kasi pangalawang kita palang natin.' Binalik ko sa kanya ang tanong na gusto mo ba ako. Ang sinabi niya, 'di pa ba halata?'  Anyway, nauwi kami sa pagtulog sa bahay. And we spent a hot night together. Mahirap talaga yung ganitong sitwasyon - yung may iiwanan ka. Mali ang oras ng aming pagtatagpo. Kung kailan lang kami nagkakakilanlan, tsaka naman kami paghihiwal...

Yeay! Today I saw on my dashboard the most wonderful news... I have 1 follower! *crowd screams* Of course, I wanted to find out who it was so I clicked the link. Lo and behold... nothing. I don't know if it's my outdated browser or my problematic laptop. What is important is the fact that somehow a person thinks I do good here in blogging and that he took the time to click follow in his / her dashboard. I do hope it increases to a hundred.

No, it's not about passing away or losing life, but rather, about moving on. These past weeks, alot of the people around me are going away. To different countries or different places here in the Philippines. Some went away temporarily. Some may take a long time to get back. There are those who found jobs,  and there are also those who just wanted to relax. The person who I consider to be almost my boyfriend (we don't talk about our status 'coz we're just having fun) is going away to Mindanao for two months due to his work. I on the other hand will be flying in to a different country for a month. So tonight we spent our last night together. There was an intense expression of passion from the both of us since we've seen each other for 3 weeks now. And now that we will part for a long time, I felt like I needed to give him a going away present. I decided to let him enter me from behind. I have never experienced such before but at the...

Madalas 'pag may tinititigan ako sa jeep at nakikipagtitigan din sa akin, wala namang nangyayari pagkatapos. Laging humihinto sa titig at kindat. Puro senyas, puro pakiramdaman. Pero kahapon iba ang nangyari. Pagkababa namin ng jeep, matapos mangusap ang aming mga mata, nagkausap naman kami. Nagpakilala sa isa't isa at nagpalitan ng phone numbers. Nang kinagabihan, napagkasunduan naming magkita. Napagpasyahan namin na pumunta sa Sta. Lucia Mall. Bago kami makarating sa mall, naisip niyang uminom na lang kami. Pero pagkadating namin sa inuman, puno na ito ng tao dahil Sabado nga pala noon. Kaya minungkahi niya na lumipat nalang kami sa Padi's point Marikina. Pumayag na lang ako dahil napapagod na rin akong palipat-lipat. Sa may tabing-ilog ng Marikina, marami palang inuman dun. Namili kami ng isang lugar at umorder na ng isang bucket ng red horse at sisig. Kwentuhan, tawanan, at matinong usap. Nakakatuwa dahil parang matagal na kaming magkakilala noong nag-uusap kami. ...

After feeling good this morning, I hoped I could make it more fun for the rest of the day. *wink* One. In the comfort room at EDSA Shrine. I know, I'm going to burn in hell. It was suppose to be just a normal call of nature. But when a guy came in and stared at me then my package, it became quite interesting. The exhiliration and excitement came in. We would have passed the "look" stage if not for an old guy who stood outside of the door waiting to use the toilet next. I stood outside thinking the guy I saw in the comfort room will follow. He did. We made small talk only to find out he was waiting for someone. So, I decided to abort the mission. Plus, it started to rain. Two. In the Robison's Galleria Moviehouse. Classic, right? The ones at the mezzaine of the moviehouse. Going in and out of the comfort room. Eyeballing some guys near my seat. Still resulted to nothing. Just some smiles and some nods. I just don't know the mechanics of that game. should I ...

I was just feeling really tired that day. There was all sort of stress that came my way that week - coming from deadlines from school and from the chaos in the family. All I want was just to have a relaxing massage since it has been a week since my last one. It was just fitting to reward myself with a good old rub down to ease tension from my body and my mind. So that night, I decided that I would get a massage no matter what. The bus I rode from school dropped me off at Kamuning Road. I decided not to go to my suking massage place because the new attendants there were young and very much inexperienced, as far as massage technique is concerned. That night I wanted quality massage really worth paying money for. In Kamuning, I remember passing-by a number of spa before. So I walked the street from EDSA to scout the area and look for a good massage place. The first spa that I passed-by had a black brand (which name I could not remember). It seemed nice but the feeling I had made me w...

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I was very excited when my ex-boyfriend requested to be my friend in Facebook. He even wrote me a private massage asking me how I am. BACK STORY: We met around March 2009 in a place where we both finished some college work. He was the first one I noticed from a number of college students in that place. I instantly felt something good inside me. Like it's telling me to go meet the guy. Of course, being in the closet and all, I can't just go to a guy, introduce myself and say I like him and ask him out. So, what I did was hang around his crowd. I was very much enjoying his company. He was funny and witty. Not to mention, he's really cute when he smiles. So when our time in that place had to end, we exchanged numbers. I wasn't really of being with him or anything. I was just thinking of gaining a friend. Days past, and we were regularly exchanging text messages. We would talk about random stuff, very platonic, very wholesome. We were very much comfortable with each...

Specifically, Mojito and The Bar. I knew that we were in for a great vacation experience at Subic. It was just a spontaneous invitation from a coworker and that added up to the excitement. I was looking forward for that event then because (1) it would be my only summer vacation, and (2) I'll spend it with close friends, not to mention the exciting itinerary the host had for us. It was night time when we arrived. So after settling down, we went straight to our happy hours - drinking and magic sing. We are all looking forward to who gets to be wasted first. Since we are in a house we can just crash in at anytime. It was all laughter and noise when we already felt the buzz. I can still remember us having a question and answer portion since we were all intoxicated. As they say, in vino veritas - in wine there's truth. I guess I first felt the effect of alcohol when I was already sitting by the corner and just wanting to sleep. I guess I was so drunk that I just want to lie dow...

I just had a relaxing massage from my usual massage place in the neighborhood. Since it's cool this night and I haven't had any exercise this week, I decided to walk home. A just a few meters of walking, I stopped. I was pondering if I should ride a jeepney or continue to walk home. So while I was thinking, I saw a man in the same sidewalk I was standing in. He was looking at me. At first, I got scared. But later on, I realize what he wanted. And so, I went along with his staring game to confirm my thoughts. After a few minutes of looking back and forth with the guy, he crossed the street and moved to a shaded area. He sat, stood, and touched his crotch a couple of times. That's the confirmation I was waiting for. To be honest, I haven't done this before. I haven't walked up to a stranger thinking about having sex. I noticed myself shaking as I drank the last drop of fruit drink I bought from the convenience store. And with all my might and courage, I approached t...